Adults Constantly Ask My Daughter If Her Hair Is Real And It Is So Awkward

little girl with curly hair
Is that your real hair darling or did mum purchase it from the salon?

My eldest daughter was asked this question when she was 3 years old by an air hostess. We were on board South African Airways when the air hostess posed this question to my daughter.

This air hostess was a woman of colour like us. My daughter just looked at the lady as she did not know what to say and to be honest, she had not had any extensions added to her hair in her 3 years of life.

Anyway, a 3-year-old cannot answer such question so it was basically directed to me. I responded politely stating that it was her real hair and she has never had extensions.

Why didn’t this lady instead compliment the beautiful hair style and instead ask so she can be informed on how to create the style herself? It seemed to me that is was just a way to discredit her beautiful hair by assuming it was not real.

Did mum put something on your hair?

My daughter again looked perplexed because she did not understand what this person was asking. This time she must have been about 9 years old.

She was like, yes mum puts oil because that’s exactly what I use for her hair. The reason behind this lady’s curiosity was because my daughter’s hair felt soft and it was also silky straight. Most people think this can only be achieved using a relaxer, however, I beg to disagree.

When we got home my confused daughter asked me what the lady meant, so I had to explain that the lady meant did I put a relaxer in her hair. Of course, this raised some more questions about what a relaxer does and so I explained that to her as well.

Is that all yours?

Probably a week ago she was asked again if her hair was all hers, now that she is older and more
comfortable with the people she was able to read the body language of the person asking.

This person is transitioning to natural hair and was admiring her hair and not being critical. So my daughter responded jokingly by saying “yes the last time I looked it was all mine”.

In my opinion, she handled that quite well and by now I think she is used to awkward comments from strangers about her hair and understands that it might just be something she will have to deal with until she is an adult.

People can be very strange sometimes! What awkward comments have you received about your or your kids’ hair? How did you deal with them?

About Fiso Moyo

Fiso Moyo (CPA) is a Wife, Mother, Certified Public Accountant, Trainer, Coach, Mentor and Founder of Her blog is dedicated to all things financial & providing tools to propel people beyond inspiration towards walking in their dreams. Basically alleviating financial distress and enabling people to walk in their dreams.

About Fiso Moyo

Fiso Moyo (CPA) is a Wife, Mother, Certified Public Accountant, Trainer, Coach, Mentor and Founder of Her blog is dedicated to all things financial & providing tools to propel people beyond inspiration towards walking in their dreams. Basically alleviating financial distress and enabling people to walk in their dreams.


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Jamila Kelly

It’s sad that this is black culture. If you have natural hair its almost like you’re a side show attraction to everyone wanting to touch it and ask if it’s real. I say black culture because very few…very very few people of other races ask me. Like, why is it anyone’s business ?? Its just hair! Can’t even chop it all off without people being super rude and nosey

Adira Areille Yahsharal

Ppl so stupid

Evelyn Lattimore

Not only is it awkward its sickening! Its like we cant have beautiful long hair! I mean really people?? Where on Gods earth is your mind?? It makes me want to vomit! Black women all over have amazingly beautiful versetile hair! Maybe these people who ask such questions are glued to tv, or these illumanati corrupt magazines who are hell bent on showing us in a negative way , also commercials. Always showing the black woman with short cropped hair, some looking all manly, thats not our trueness at all!!!! Get out of those devilish images shown by our enemies and get into creation and you will see a whole new light of our God givin beauty in everything

Brandi Nixon

That’s so rude!!!

Erika Hopgood

I had a lady argue with me at my job about my hair once. Called me a liar and everything. I could do nothing but laugh at this old hag. I guess black women can’t have nice well taken care of hair.

Celeste Jackman

You are nicer than me. Im sure i would have told her miserable self where she and her opinion could go.

Erika Hopgood

Unfortunately I was at work. It was so sad I just laughed like you jealous bitch


I had a work experience too.

Celeste Jackman

Erika Hopgood that wouldnt stop probably why its better you handled it that way. Sad how some people get on


I had that happen to me when I wore my huge 70s afro, again when I had my curly perm, & as recently as about 2 years ago.

Lena Killion

We act so ignorant in most cases, just really embarrassing.

Nona Martin

If Julian had a twin sister MJ Johnson

MJ Johnson

? wow… Shes gorgeous

Keysha Gully

Sad b**ches I believe its hers my five year old has hair past her shoulder

Annell Belfield

I know someone with beautiful long hair and people think it’s weave
I’ve heard people say they were wondering if it was her hair. Sad!!!!

Peggy Edmonson

Long hair shouldn’t make no one or break no one
Sad that some of us blacks believe that you’re prettier with long good hair

Shanta Mitchell

Well when the vast majority of Black women are rocking someone else’s hair it adds to the misconception, held by most nonBlack people, that Black peoples hair can’t grow.

So when a Black women, even a Black child, has long natural hair many people just assume it’s fake….like mother like daughter, ya know.

Flow Lis

So true. Once my daughter’s started looking at me crazy. I knew it was time to give weaves a

Kim Tripplett

Flow Lis ????

Michelle Denice Hop

All hair is good hair as long as its taken care of.

Mia Sydney

I really hate these type of posts, newsflash black ppl can grow long hair!!! #dumbass

Kim Young

A real adult wouldn’t ask a child that question. You would ask the parents

Bernice Janet Ellis

My oldest daughter’s hair was thick & wavy down to her waist….people used to ask was she wearing a wig THIS WAS 30 years ago so people are still so silly.

Flow Lis

Well alot of young girl’s are wearing weaves these days so maybe that’s why they ask.

Kayla V.

I’m an adult and I get asked if my hair is real a lot. I find that people ask mostly when I wear set styles that put a curl pattern into my hair. With my natural curl pattern I’m often asked how I put the “crinkles” in. haha!

Philicia Bailey

Whether it’s her natural hair or not it’s no ones business. If she was any other race would you question if her hair was real??? HELL NO! Contrary to popular belief black people have long hair. Smh some people are so rude and ignorant.

Nissi DeNas

damn right!

Matthew Landeros
Matthew Landeros

im latino/native and get asked is my hair i naturally curly its annoying

Rozzy Summers


Valerie Johnson

A Jamaican guy was passing by and was saying you have beautiful hair then he stopped in mid sentence and said um is it yours like he was scared to ask…I was thinking What?! But I calmly said yes it is and I could see how relieved he was…worried he had insulted me…so awkward.

Tina Waters

He was just being an ass because whether it was all your own or not he liked it enough to tell you he did. The only insult was him asking if it was yours.

Tremise Mitchell

I’m not sure why people believe only black people wear weave smdh don’t let these white chicks fool y’all they wear that shit just as much as black people do they R just not questioned as much!!!! They get single braids, crochet, sew ins and erethang else!!!!

Allison Rucker

In my opinion some black women are to blame for this. When I was growing up most of the girls I knew had long hair that was down to their shoulder, back and butt, but now some black women have gone crazy on wearing other people hair. Now some blacks and whites have picked up on this lie and made it a truth in the public eyes, that black people can’t and don’t have naturally long hair. Oh and I’m not talking about women that has an illness or hair loss. I’m talking about the one’s that feel they look better with it, not realizing that they look much better with their own hair that looks more natural to their own texture of hair. I feel I can say this because I skint all my hair bald off my head and it grew back, again I’m not talking about the one’s that has no choice.

Lynnelle Renee'

Today a black woman asked if my hair was all my hair…and it just reminded me of the preconception that black women cannot grow their hair…

Nissi DeNas


Tina Waters

How the hell is it awkward? If it’s her real hair then the answer is yes. If it isn’t her real hair then the answer is no. Why would anyone even care what a complete stranger thinks about of all things…their child’s hair! Wth


The answer should be, it’s none of your business.

Tina Waters

Black women make the “hair” industry billions of dollars a year. Some black women will not be caught out without a weave or wig on their heads. Little black girls wear braid extensions as young as 3/4 years old. Yet it’s sad and y’all shaking y’all damn heads because someone asked if your hair was your real hair! Really? Get outta here!

Tammie Faulkner Taylor

I wish people would stop acting like we see Black women with very long hair regularly.
Yes, we ALL know Black women /girls with very long hair. Yes, we ALL know Black women CAN grow long hair.
But please stop acting like it’s the norm that we see all the time.
C’mon now.
So this “outrage” that someone would dare suspect /ask/ wonder that a Black woman /girl with very long hair, that’s it’s her own, seems to be exaggerated.
Calm down and take it as a compliment.
It doesn’t mean that they aren’t aware that Black women can have/grow long hair.


Finally! Someone with a plain & honest account of what it is! Thank you! I was scrolling down these comments of “outrage” and misplaced sympathy and wondering. what the….?! This article also reads suspiciously like a self-congratulatory recounting a self/one’s own-promotion!
Questions (annoying or not) are asked exactly because it’s not regularly seen. Not as in every second or third black woman in the street. Puhleeeze! Youtube is crawling with those seeking the holy grail to grow their ‘non-long’ hair….and sadly those with the most desired and lauded look/hair with the corporate deals and million plus subscribers are those with 4a & up hair past their shoulders. Let’s keep it real and please stop with the misguided outrage. No-one with an ounce of common sense is really fooled; though it seems some are willing to fool themselves.

Dominique Bynum


Alisha Lewis

As an adult, why would you ask a child that.

Dania Coleras
Dania Coleras

u can’t be serious people especially adults are so pathetic to ask a child this


1) Do you have a texlax
2)How are your edges so full
3) Are you mixed
4)Is all of that your hair
5)You’ve that “good” can go natural. You know natural isn’t for everyone.- Statement

All of those questions/ statements are extremely rude and indicate to me what one was taught. These questions are all about what people are taught within our ethnic group and outside of it.

Do they bother to ask other women if those are their lips, hips, thighs, and backside? Do they ask if their cheekbones and hair’s real? Our features are being sold left and right;just don’t dare ask them if it’s real. “We” can only have those wonderful questions asked..


When I was in elementary & middle school there were people who were jealous of those of us who had long braids because they or their kids didn’t have them. It was generally understood that light skinned people were the ones who usually had long hair so that was a given . HOWEVER ! Those of us who have type 4 hair that grows thick & down our backs are sometimes treated like we’re traitors of some sort; like we’ve done something or gotten something we weren’t supposed to do or have & experience even more resentment than the light skinned ones. I personally had a hairdresser tell me my hair was in bad shape & too thick & long. She tried to burn it with a super hot pressing comb after i refused to let her cut it. I complained loudly that it was burning my scalp & hair & made her stop . When mom got back from a meeting she read her the riot act & we never went back to her. I wasn’t the only one who went thru that. Some girls would try to sneak & cut the braids of long haired type 4 girls. This hair business among blacks is just plain CRAZY !!


She should be allowed to answer those questions as such: “this is my natural hair, my mom wouldn’t put anything in it, I’m only a child”.It’s not a negative response, it’s not rude even from a child, it’s just answering the question and stating facts. The nerve of some “adults”.

Leah James
Leah James

Well I dont’ have kids and my mom relaxed my hair before I turned 5 and it started breaking off. Im natural now and been natural for 2 years . I had big chopped but my hair is now longer than it has ever been . I wished I went natural earlier. I do get compliments on my hair and asked what products I used and how did I achieve my coils . I only flat iron it once a year . Thats about it though .


Start asking…buck the trend!