Adults Constantly Ask My Daughter If Her Hair Is Real And It Is So Awkward

little girl with curly hair
Is that your real hair darling or did mum purchase it from the salon?

My eldest daughter was asked this question when she was 3 years old by an air hostess. We were on board South African Airways when the air hostess posed this question to my daughter.

This air hostess was a woman of colour like us. My daughter just looked at the lady as she did not know what to say and to be honest, she had not had any extensions added to her hair in her 3 years of life.

Anyway, a 3-year-old cannot answer such question so it was basically directed to me. I responded politely stating that it was her real hair and she has never had extensions.

Why didn’t this lady instead compliment the beautiful hair style and instead ask so she can be informed on how to create the style herself? It seemed to me that is was just a way to discredit her beautiful hair by assuming it was not real.

Did mum put something on your hair?

My daughter again looked perplexed because she did not understand what this person was asking. This time she must have been about 9 years old.


She was like, yes mum puts oil because that’s exactly what I use for her hair. The reason behind this lady’s curiosity was because my daughter’s hair felt soft and it was also silky straight. Most people think this can only be achieved using a relaxer, however, I beg to disagree.

When we got home my confused daughter asked me what the lady meant, so I had to explain that the lady meant did I put a relaxer in her hair. Of course, this raised some more questions about what a relaxer does and so I explained that to her as well.

Is that all yours?

Probably a week ago she was asked again if her hair was all hers, now that she is older and more
comfortable with the people she was able to read the body language of the person asking.

This person is transitioning to natural hair and was admiring her hair and not being critical. So my daughter responded jokingly by saying “yes the last time I looked it was all mine”.

In my opinion, she handled that quite well and by now I think she is used to awkward comments from strangers about her hair and understands that it might just be something she will have to deal with until she is an adult.

People can be very strange sometimes! What awkward comments have you received about your or your kids’ hair? How did you deal with them?

About Fiso Moyo


Fiso Moyo (CPA) is a Wife, Mother, Certified Public Accountant, Trainer, Coach, Mentor and Founder of encounterCS.com. Her blog is dedicated to all things financial & providing tools to propel people beyond inspiration towards walking in their dreams. Basically alleviating financial distress and enabling people to walk in their dreams.

About Fiso Moyo


Fiso Moyo (CPA) is a Wife, Mother, Certified Public Accountant, Trainer, Coach, Mentor and Founder of encounterCS.com. Her blog is dedicated to all things financial & providing tools to propel people beyond inspiration towards walking in their dreams. Basically alleviating financial distress and enabling people to walk in their dreams.

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Comments

  1. Jamila Kelly

    It’s sad that this is black culture. If you have natural hair its almost like you’re a side show attraction to everyone wanting to touch it and ask if it’s real. I say black culture because very few…very very few people of other races ask me. Like, why is it anyone’s business ?? Its just hair! Can’t even chop it all off without people being super rude and nosey

  2. Evelyn Lattimore

    Not only is it awkward its sickening! Its like we cant have beautiful long hair! I mean really people?? Where on Gods earth is your mind?? It makes me want to vomit! Black women all over have amazingly beautiful versetile hair! Maybe these people who ask such questions are glued to tv, or these illumanati corrupt magazines who are hell bent on showing us in a negative way , also commercials. Always showing the black woman with short cropped hair, some looking all manly, thats not our trueness at all!!!! Get out of those devilish images shown by our enemies and get into creation and you will see a whole new light of our God givin beauty in everything

  3. Erika Hopgood

    I had a lady argue with me at my job about my hair once. Called me a liar and everything. I could do nothing but laugh at this old hag. I guess black women can’t have nice well taken care of hair.

    1. Celeste Jackman

      You are nicer than me. Im sure i would have told her miserable self where she and her opinion could go.

    2. Celeste Jackman

      Erika Hopgood that wouldnt stop me.lol probably why its better you handled it that way. Sad how some people get on

    3. BlueCornMoon

      I had that happen to me when I wore my huge 70s afro, again when I had my curly perm, & as recently as about 2 years ago.

  4. Annell Belfield

    I know someone with beautiful long hair and people think it’s weave
    I’ve heard people say they were wondering if it was her hair. Sad!!!!

  5. Peggy Edmonson

    Long hair shouldn’t make no one or break no one
    Sad that some of us blacks believe that you’re prettier with long good hair

  6. Shanta Mitchell

    Well when the vast majority of Black women are rocking someone else’s hair it adds to the misconception, held by most nonBlack people, that Black peoples hair can’t grow.

    So when a Black women, even a Black child, has long natural hair many people just assume it’s fake….like mother like daughter, ya know.

    1. Flow Lis

      So true. Once my daughter’s started looking at me crazy. I knew it was time to give weaves a break.lol

  7. Mia Sydney

    I really hate these type of posts, newsflash black ppl can grow long hair!!! #dumbass

  8. Kim Young

    A real adult wouldn’t ask a child that question. You would ask the parents

  9. Bernice Janet Ellis

    My oldest daughter’s hair was thick & wavy down to her waist….people used to ask was she wearing a wig THIS WAS 30 years ago so people are still so silly.

  10. Flow Lis

    Well alot of young girl’s are wearing weaves these days so maybe that’s why they ask.

  11. Kayla V.

    I’m an adult and I get asked if my hair is real a lot. I find that people ask mostly when I wear set styles that put a curl pattern into my hair. With my natural curl pattern I’m often asked how I put the “crinkles” in. haha!

  12. Philicia Bailey

    Whether it’s her natural hair or not it’s no ones business. If she was any other race would you question if her hair was real??? HELL NO! Contrary to popular belief black people have long hair. Smh some people are so rude and ignorant.

    1. Matthew Landeros

      im latino/native and get asked is my hair i naturally curly its annoying

  13. Valerie Johnson

    A Jamaican guy was passing by and was saying you have beautiful hair then he stopped in mid sentence and said um is it yours like he was scared to ask…I was thinking What?! But I calmly said yes it is and I could see how relieved he was…worried he had insulted me…so awkward.

    1. Tina Waters

      He was just being an ass because whether it was all your own or not he liked it enough to tell you he did. The only insult was him asking if it was yours.

  14. Tremise Mitchell

    I’m not sure why people believe only black people wear weave smdh don’t let these white chicks fool y’all they wear that shit just as much as black people do they R just not questioned as much!!!! They get single braids, crochet, sew ins and erethang else!!!!

  15. Allison Rucker

    In my opinion some black women are to blame for this. When I was growing up most of the girls I knew had long hair that was down to their shoulder, back and butt, but now some black women have gone crazy on wearing other people hair. Now some blacks and whites have picked up on this lie and made it a truth in the public eyes, that black people can’t and don’t have naturally long hair. Oh and I’m not talking about women that has an illness or hair loss. I’m talking about the one’s that feel they look better with it, not realizing that they look much better with their own hair that looks more natural to their own texture of hair. I feel I can say this because I skint all my hair bald off my head and it grew back, again I’m not talking about the one’s that has no choice.

  16. Lynnelle Renee'

    Today a black woman asked if my hair was all my hair…and it just reminded me of the preconception that black women cannot grow their hair…

  17. Tina Waters

    How the hell is it awkward? If it’s her real hair then the answer is yes. If it isn’t her real hair then the answer is no. Why would anyone even care what a complete stranger thinks about of all things…their child’s hair! Wth

    1. mibtp

      The answer should be, it’s none of your business.

  18. Tina Waters

    Black women make the “hair” industry billions of dollars a year. Some black women will not be caught out without a weave or wig on their heads. Little black girls wear braid extensions as young as 3/4 years old. Yet it’s sad and y’all shaking y’all damn heads because someone asked if your hair was your real hair! Really? Get outta here!

  19. Tammie Faulkner Taylor

    I wish people would stop acting like we see Black women with very long hair regularly.
    Yes, we ALL know Black women /girls with very long hair. Yes, we ALL know Black women CAN grow long hair.
    But please stop acting like it’s the norm that we see all the time.
    C’mon now.
    So this “outrage” that someone would dare suspect /ask/ wonder that a Black woman /girl with very long hair, that’s it’s her own, seems to be exaggerated.
    Calm down and take it as a compliment.
    It doesn’t mean that they aren’t aware that Black women can have/grow long hair.

    1. kalexa1

      Finally! Someone with a plain & honest account of what it is! Thank you! I was scrolling down these comments of “outrage” and misplaced sympathy and wondering. what the….?! This article also reads suspiciously like a self-congratulatory recounting a self/one’s own-promotion!
      Questions (annoying or not) are asked exactly because it’s not regularly seen. Not as in every second or third black woman in the street. Puhleeeze! Youtube is crawling with those seeking the holy grail to grow their ‘non-long’ hair….and sadly those with the most desired and lauded look/hair with the corporate deals and million plus subscribers are those with 4a & up hair past their shoulders. Let’s keep it real and please stop with the misguided outrage. No-one with an ounce of common sense is really fooled; though it seems some are willing to fool themselves.

  20. Dania Coleras

    u can’t be serious people especially adults are so pathetic to ask a child this

  21. Lolalao

    1) Do you have a texlax
    2)How are your edges so full
    3) Are you mixed
    4)Is all of that your hair
    5)You’ve that “good” hair..you can go natural. You know natural isn’t for everyone.- Statement

    All of those questions/ statements are extremely rude and indicate to me what one was taught. These questions are all about what people are taught within our ethnic group and outside of it.

    Do they bother to ask other women if those are their lips, hips, thighs, and backside? Do they ask if their cheekbones and hair’s real? Our features are being sold left and right;just don’t dare ask them if it’s real. “We” can only have those wonderful questions asked..

  22. BlueCornMoon

    When I was in elementary & middle school there were people who were jealous of those of us who had long braids because they or their kids didn’t have them. It was generally understood that light skinned people were the ones who usually had long hair so that was a given . HOWEVER ! Those of us who have type 4 hair that grows thick & down our backs are sometimes treated like we’re traitors of some sort; like we’ve done something or gotten something we weren’t supposed to do or have & experience even more resentment than the light skinned ones. I personally had a hairdresser tell me my hair was in bad shape & too thick & long. She tried to burn it with a super hot pressing comb after i refused to let her cut it. I complained loudly that it was burning my scalp & hair & made her stop . When mom got back from a meeting she read her the riot act & we never went back to her. I wasn’t the only one who went thru that. Some girls would try to sneak & cut the braids of long haired type 4 girls. This hair business among blacks is just plain CRAZY !!

  23. MsCurlyKat

    She should be allowed to answer those questions as such: “this is my natural hair, my mom wouldn’t put anything in it, I’m only a child”.It’s not a negative response, it’s not rude even from a child, it’s just answering the question and stating facts. The nerve of some “adults”.

  24. Leah James

    Well I dont’ have kids and my mom relaxed my hair before I turned 5 and it started breaking off. Im natural now and been natural for 2 years . I had big chopped but my hair is now longer than it has ever been . I wished I went natural earlier. I do get compliments on my hair and asked what products I used and how did I achieve my coils . I only flat iron it once a year . Thats about it though .

  25. Patrice Ezeff
    Patrice Ezeff

    I’m 48 people ask my daughter that aswell her hair is to her waist when she was little people would say she has beautiful hair to be so dark …..my reply ur so stupid to be a human ????

    1. Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair
      Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair

      Patrice Ezeff Can’t blame them. Black women are just coming into their own with their natural hair so people would normally ask. I don’t think its anything to be offended by

    2. Patrice Ezeff
      Patrice Ezeff

      Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair. I didn’t mind the question about hair but the she so dark thing I did and so I would say that remark about their silly comment to show them it’s offensive

    3. Mo Butter
      Mo Butter

      Patrice Ezeff God bless you! Because, had someone fixed their lips to say such foolishness to me about my child..

  26. Torn Carter
    Torn Carter

    Any adult asking a child that is an adult hater of a child real long hair while their bald head ass daughter wear weave.

  27. Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair
    Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair

    Why do black people always feel someone is jealous? We are just coming into our own with our natural hair, so people are not used to seeing gorgeous natural hair so normally they would ask. Most black women I have seen with long hair always seem offended when you ask if it their hair. Why? Nobody is jealous of you. Other races have long gorgeous hair too. Let’s stop thinking like this. It sets us back.

    1. Chavon Vette
      Chavon Vette

      Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair they are offended because why in the world would someone ask that question? Like, why would they think it’s fake so they have to ask if it’s really yours. I don’t think people are jealous when they ask that but more so ignorant.

    2. Shawntel Singletary
      Shawntel Singletary

      Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair I have had plenty of friends with long real hair. They never get offended when people ask if it’s real.
      Shit one of my friends done asked me a few times to try on my wig…she got hair down her back.
      I think some people want you to be jealous of their long hair.
      But when you’re not that’s when they give attitude.

    3. Torn Carter
      Torn Carter

      We are just coming into our own with our natural hair, …we who? You mean you? Speak for yourself and not for all black women.

    4. Karen Cauthorne
      Karen Cauthorne

      Preye Dolly Pere-Sinclair I was even asked by a family as he grabbed my hair if it was real or not. I am offended because the implication is that someone thinks I couldn’t actually grow long hair. You don’t see people going up to non-blacks asking them if their hair is real.

    1. Falisha Kinsey
      Falisha Kinsey

      Maria Janelle Ikr right like we are dogs are something. I ask them can i touch your straight messy fur you call hair. Bc i have really curly hair. People are something else.

  28. Lisa Jewdi
    Lisa Jewdi

    When my daughter got in Highschool girls asked her “what are you mixed with “ because of her hair ????????‍♀️????????‍♀️and even asked if her butt was fake????????‍♀️????????‍♀️

    1. Mo Butter
      Mo Butter

      Lisa Jewdi the only time I’ve ever experienced racism, or colorism..was from a black person. And I grew up in one of the whitest places in America..

    2. Falisha Kinsey
      Falisha Kinsey

      I have gotten this all my life bc I’m too white to be all black.
      Too black to be all white. Yes bc I have curly hair which I get from my grandmother mom mom who is dark skinned. I’m white, asian. Puerto Rican, Dominican, Mexican, anything but 1 race.
      So I still to this say receive racism. Just sad why are there so many evils ass people on this world.

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