Culture also has a great deal to do with what we perceive as beautiful. The Mursi women of Ethiopia stretch their bottom lips out with clay plates (shown in the pictured).
Amongst other things the tribes people consider the size of the plate to be a sign of a woman’s beauty and fertility while many of us seeing this now would probably see it as body mutilation!
In many traditional African cultures fat women were often seen as beautiful and the lean ones ugly and unlikely to get husbands. In the western world, as we know, the roles are reversed.
Now let’s take a look at some seemingly commonplace things we do today in the western world that could be considered unnatural or just plain ugly to other cultures:
1. Shaving our legs, armpits and other areas of the body where hair naturally grows.
2. Applying metal salts to our skin to prevent sweat reaching the surface aka roll on deodorant.
3. Going on starvation diets to achieve almost anorexic looking leanness
4. Increasing breast size cosmetically (or any other body part for that matter!)
These are just a few examples but try looking at them as a outsider looking in and they sound quite crazy don’t they? It’s cliche but true ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and I would sneakily add that ‘Beauty is defined by culture’.
This whole thing puts me in mind of that Sikh female student who was forced to defend her facial hair after an internet troll posted an picture of her on the internet.
She explained that as part of her religion, the Five Ks that Sikhs follow, one of the tenets is Kesh, which asks that she allow her hair to grow naturally and not cut it (facial hair included).
Other sikhs just see a young woman getting on with her day yet us ‘westernized’ people see her lack of conformity with our cultural norms.
Should we be worried that black children are growing up with a somewhat warped view of the world? No. What we should be worried about is that this warped view is affecting their very sense of self worth.
I was scanning my facebook feed the other day and a friend had put this quote on her status which succinctly captures what I am trying to say (spooky coincidence!)
Self-worth is not a thing; it is a perception. Just as a gymnast begins a routine with ten points and receives deductions for each mistake, so you began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.
~ Dan Millman
It is clear that this young girl is a product of the environment she lives in, we all are. She is judging herself by the standards that we as a society have set her.
I don’t pretend to have the answers to a problem so complex, but I can’t help but be overwhelmed by a crushing sadness. It seems hypocritical somehow to tell her that it’s not OK to wish that her natural hair was different but it’s perfectly fine to wax her underarms and legs when she’s older. Cognitive dissonance.
Of course I responded to her email with the usual consoling words yet feel that her hair is not the problem, it never was. Thoughts?
This is a very well written piece. Perception and self-worth will always be relative to environment – we’re all human beings in training!
i agree with the little girl! its not fair! the bible says a women’s hair is her glory, i want lots of it but instead im stuck with the sad excuse for a length hair, while ppl effortlessly have longer ! SMH
Sweetheart, you can grow your hair as long and full as you want to. The choice is yours. There are LOTS of black women with full heads of long, healthy, beautiful hair. I will keep you in my prayers for supernatural growth of your hair…prayer works. God bless you.
LOL thanks may the Lord Jesus bless you,..but i actually don’t believe that! its about healthy growth yes, but then also genetics . when you’ve got it you’ve got it!
Chanika I have wanted long thick hair all my life..My sister and mother had beautiful hair..I had thin short hair,my hair was taken care of ,but it never thicken out or grow until I was pregnant,afterward it thin down again.People allway say we can have long hair ..some of us but not all….I have ask God alot of question and I’ve talked to Him about my hair…I was not disrespectful,because God is Almighty,I just want to know, why not me…….
i do the same i pray about it its growing, just looks like its gonna take for eva! plus the enemy loves to try and stop its growth
Chanika Tian Xin Clarke do not base your life and worth on an old book written by barbaric homosexuals who enslaved our people.. Wake up! You are more than some dam hair. Know thyself!
thanks 4 your concern, but i actually KNOW God 4 myself, trust me He’s all that the bible says He is! and it says He is the Word of God ! St.John 1
Romans 9:20 NLT
No, don’t say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, “Why have you made me like this?”
That’s all well and good to tell an adult but is that really what you would tell the 10 year old who asked this question?
You have to make sure the child understands, the concept.
The Bible, writen by a bunch of homosexuals??? Come on girl, you cannot be serious
Very serious Johanne Elie Jean Noel..i also don’t debate over literature you’ve taken as fact.. Those books in the Bible were voted on just like you vote for a president.. Break the chain on your mind.. Know THYSELF -__-
Pray 4 her faith, amnny have given it up to devils in this day and age! God bless
Convince yourself not me Chanika Tian Xin Clarke..my god isn’t in a book.. He’s dwells inside me.. Good day!
You are made the way you are made. You guys are arguing about foolishness. The Bible isn’t something to be arguing about. It was stated that it’s an old book written by barbaric homosexuals who enslaved our people. That’s not true. The person who said that sounds really DUM!! And children have a lot of questions that relates to why this is this way and why am I like this. They’re children and that’s the questions there going to ask. And please don’t tell them foolishness like what I read above. The Bible is the key of life. Is what we need in order to live.The holy spirit is what dwells in us. And the savior is Jesus. Without the book that is so call “written by barbaric homosexuals” you have no faith, that is true and real ,whatever this Lisa girl is talking about needs to stop. I’m a true believer in Christ and I needed to correct you to make sure you know the truth. I’m 13 years of age and before you go around witnessing the wrong information, check if what you’re saying is valid.
I had straight permed hair most of my life so I don’t want straight hair anymore I don’t want wavvy hair either . I have thick curly lush afro hair . I love and hate my hair but now I’m loving my hair it’s too my shoulders now and I plan on growing it long the longest it can grow and its grown alot since I big chopped . I also know my african culture so I’m proud of my heritage and I don’t see straight or wavvy hair as beautiful it’s pretty but I think curly and kinky is wayy prettier now . My grandma has long thick curly lush hair I always wanted her hair and I can’t wait untill we are hair twins . Most of the woman in my family have long hair so I never envied my friends. I always envied my grandma’s hair . I’m in college . I wear my hair in two buns and love it .
IT is so sad…Hollywood, the media, and the ideals of the world do not see beauty the way God sees it. Embrace your hair young lady. It is beautiful!! We, as humans, tend to have a warped view of beauty because we look at beauty through the eyes of what someone else call beautiful. Some of the most famous people are insecure themselves and cannot lock down on finding or meeting a mate that will love them for who they are and not be so fixed on what they look like. Beauty is more than outward. People will always looks at the outward young lady. But God looks at the heart!! It is who you are on the inside. Look at all of the beautiful things you can do with your hair that some can’t do. Versatility…which is the ability to change your look. Baby girl…you are so lovely and you don’t know it. Embrace it!! You are healthy. Be thankful because some people and kids your age are in hospitals with cancer and don’t have any hair. Be thankful for who you have been made because one day, you will catch the eye of a prince who will see the beauty that God has made in you that reflects outward. You are loved and their is one who died for us not because of how we look, but because he loved us to the point of death. Jesus..take his cue on love. Love is patient, kind, and shows no favoritism unlike people.
But sometimes I feel like the bible was not written for me, as a black person. I mean even Song of Solomon talks about his love with long hair that waved down her back. That is definitely not a representation of me. Just don’t understand why he gave me this hair and no one (of course) can come up with a reasonable response.