The other day I was at brunch with Jay, one of my best guy friends, having a juicy conversation basically about hair and men. I wore a curly twist out and by this point my hair was stretched for the gawds. Yes!
The conversation stemmed from the point that the waiter seemed nervous when taking my order. He seemed fine taking my very flamboyant friend’s order, so we were curious as to why his entire demeanor shifted with mine.
I just said maybe it was his first day. Jay, however, gave an entire verbal list that he compiled in a matter of seconds, “1. he was blocked by your amazing beauty; 2. He was uncomfortable after taking my order (Jay’s a very flirty homosexual); or 3. He was intimidated by your natural hair.”
“Huh? Wait, how is my natural hair intimidating?!”
At this point, the rest of the time at brunch consisted of mimosas and the so called intimidation factor of natural hair.
Jay is an extremely observant individual. His argument was that he notices whether we’re out for food or out shopping that guys react differently to different styles. If I wear my hair in a poof, I look younger so I may not get approached. If I wear my hair in braids or throw on straight wig*, it’s more approachable. But sometimes, depending on the setting, if I wear a full curly fro it may come off as “oh she loves herself, her culture, and is about business.”
I found this hilarious but so true. I do love myself, my culture and will take care of business. What’s wrong with demanding respect?
He even went so far to say one time when we were out at Potomac Mills that he used the restroom and overheard guys in there talking about me. Saying that I was beautiful but probably wouldn’t give them the time of day so why waste their time. What! Because of the way I wore my hair?!
Before this conversation I had never heard this. I mean I’m pretty friendly and would say that I’m approachable, even when wearing my natural.
While of course the opinions brought up in this conversation were from his point of view and not everyones, I’m curious. Do you think some men find natural hair intimidating or that it demands respect? Or do you think it depends entirely on the setting?