Relaxed Chicks Are Beauties Too!

3. There is still a risk of product overload. 

Surprise, surprise. Guess what else contributed to my friends flaky scalp? You bet, all of those products that she just had to have. Anti Frizz serum. Heat protectant. Blue magic Hair grease. Styling mousse. Hair gel. Hair sheen spray. I could go on, but it seems to me that a lot of these products just masked some of her problems.

Then, because of buildup, she had to wash her hair way too much. Some people can wash their hair often. Some cannot. She is one of the latter. Man, I tell you, Baby girl had flakes as big as the end of my thumb! (just kidding, that’s so gross) She had to stop and think about what her hair needed from the inside out. Covering up the damage with products was like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. Make sense?

4. Yes, you can still do twist outs, lol.

This seemed to shock my friend. I have noticed that women who put more time between their relaxers rely on twist or braid outs to get them through the period when the new growth starts coming in. If you ask me, a pretty braid is any girls best friend. So is a bun. Plus, it’s hot as heck now. You really want your hair on your neck? Twist it up and pin it back, girlfriend! Since my friend put a bit more time between here relaxers, she is noticing that her hair is growing.

5. Know that relaxed hair is just as beautiful as natural hair. 

I have noticed that some of my relaxed friends feel the need to explain to me on a regular basis why they are relaxed. One of my friends actually said, ” I was on the web the other day looking for info on hair, and more natural sites popped up than ones for me. It’s like relaxing is a dying breed.”

I was shocked. If anything, I felt the opposite. Isn’t individual perception funny? It’s as if we all see what we are not, as opposed to what we are, which is unique!

One does not have to be natural or relaxed to be beautiful. Shoot, you could have either, but if it’s dull and dry and just, well, unhealthy, it’s not going to look good. Healthy hair equals beautiful hair, relaxed or natural.

I just wanted to mention a few of these things because I have noticed that there are, in this day and age, quite a few relaxed versus natural websites popping up. These are absolute rubbish, and cause an unnecessary divide. Neither is better than the other. I’m going to be perfectly honest: If you start a site or blog or visit forums just to get an air of superiority over someone because of their hair, then trust me, dear, you have bigger issues than hair!

My friend’s hair is thriving now. She uses a milder relaxer, a couple of oils, and shea butter. Her hair is growing, and it’s stronger and has a nice sheen to it. She also no longer compares our heads of hair, because she knows that, between friends, hair is just hair.  It’s not a competition. I don’t want her to have natural hair. I want her to have healthy hair.

And besides, isn’t that what we all want?

 Hey, Relaxed Beauties! What’s your regimen?


Originally posted 2012-06-17 19:00:51.

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About Ashes

I am a 28 year old wife, daughter and friend. I have been natural for almost 10 years, heat free for 6 months. I have recently started my own blog and would like to write for other blogs and sites as well. I love everything about hair and makeup and fashion, as I believe that those are powerful ways to express oneself. I very strongly believe that people should be themselves, no pretenses. I love to talk to different people and hear different viewpoints, because there IS room for everyone.

About Ashes

I am a 28 year old wife, daughter and friend. I have been natural for almost 10 years, heat free for 6 months. I have recently started my own blog and would like to write for other blogs and sites as well. I love everything about hair and makeup and fashion, as I believe that those are powerful ways to express oneself. I very strongly believe that people should be themselves, no pretenses. I love to talk to different people and hear different viewpoints, because there IS room for everyone.


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  1. Adina Sharpe

    I call BS on this article. This is written as if women with relaxed hair aren’t aware that their hair is beautiful. It’s making an assumption that women with relaxed hair are assuming that natural hair looks better and we need some consoling. BULL!

    What woman doesn’t know that all she has to do is pay attention to her hair? That she needs a regimen? That it’s easier to comb through her hair when it’s relaxed? That too much product is not a good thing? That in order to maintain it they need a moisture protein balance? I guess it must be someone who doesn’t have access to the internet because almost every black woman knows this! I also don’t know too many black women who have to get a pep talk about how their hair is as good as natural hair. Most of us know that…..and the benefits of it when it’s taken care of. So please…..stop.

  2. Andrea

    I am six years natural and I’m to the point that I don’t comment to relaxed women about their hair, my hair or hair in general. I don’t compliment their hair or make suggestions. Nothing. I don’t even discuss the topic with them. For one, reduces of the chance of offensive comments and questions about natural hair I don’t like. 2, a lot of people assume because I don’t relax my hair that I feel some kind of judgmental way about them wearing a relaxer. I dislike relaxers on MY HAIR!! So don’t talk, No drama. Works for me.

  3. Cb Sampson
    Cb Sampson

    Is beauty worth applying chemicals to your brain never sacrifice your health for so called beauty

  4. Ashley Ruiz
    Ashley Ruiz

    Don’t say anything about health unless you are cutting out chemicals all around you. That means your lotion, toothpaste, food even. So I should cut out just those chemicals in a relaxer but you apply more chemicals daily than I do occasionally. I hate when people try to spread their propaganda.

    1. Lamara Stone
      Lamara Stone

      Deodorant has MANY bad chemicals. Some studies say may increase chance for breast cancer. I’m so tired of people judging and putting others down bc they don’t have the same opinion! This world would be so boring if we all were EXACTLY the same. Ok. I’m done. 🙂

    2. Ashley Ruiz
      Ashley Ruiz

      And this is why I make my own deodorant!! And Shay Ponts…don’t even try to explain. People only care about what “appears” to be bad and jumping on the bandwagon without even educating themselves.

    3. Shāy Ponts
      Shāy Ponts

      So true! What do you use to make your deodorant? I recently began using the aluminum-free deodorants which aren’t antiperspirants, but I do smell myself after a while. Tmi and all that, I know, but do you continually reapply throughout the day or is merely one application sufficient for you?

    4. Ashley Ruiz
      Ashley Ruiz

      I make my deodorant with: 3tbs extra virgin coconut oil, 3tbs arrowroot powder or corn starch, 2tbs Shea butter or cocoa butter, and 1tbs baking soda. The recipe actually calls for 3tbs baking soda and 2tbs arrowroot powder but I had a sensitivity to that level of baking soda so I reduced it. Its not an antiperspirant but I dont stink at all. A friend of mine gets really stinky so she uses the original amount of baking soda and it’s the only thing that prevents her smelling. She hasn’t had any sensitivities.

  5. Tsebo Kobbina
    Tsebo Kobbina

    Yes they are beautiful in fact they strong hair hence it can’t withstand being processed and still look good

  6. Asha Jamia
    Asha Jamia

    Lol hear we go, this is like when “Dark girls” came out to make darker women know their beauty, then movie “light girls” came out. No one is saying you’re not beautiful, but just letting the women treated like the underdogs (remind you I said TREATED LIKE) know their just as beautiful in their natural texture. I guess we been getting to much attention and spotlight for y’all though.

    1. DeAndra Wright
      DeAndra Wright

      Lol what a sad comment “getting too much.attention”.seriously? We are all black women, relaxed or not. Who cares what is on too of your head? Ppl put too much emphasis/importance on hair!!!!

    2. Asha Jamia
      Asha Jamia

      Please tell where I said we weren’t all black women boo? I’m saying if people are saying “yay go natural hair” and is all for natural hair, women with relax hair get all upset and be like “we’re just as beautiful”. Which is true, no one is saying otherwise. But with years of spotlight being on the relaxed beauties, natural beauties get some attention, then people get upset, like for why? We can’t share the shine. Obviously you’re a little mad boo.

  7. Stacey Lawrence
    Stacey Lawrence

    The majority of black women have been perming or dare I say Jherri Curling our hair for years now all of a sudden some decide to “go” natural which means you weren’t ALWAYS natural and now you want to be judge mental? I decided to go natural because sadly it never occurred to me that that was an option since my hair has been permed since I was 7. I thought that it was sad that I am almost 40 and had no clue how my natural hair looked or what to do with it but I don’t look down on somebody that doesn’t want to make that choice nor will I ever. With all of things that already divide our community do we really want to start a stupid hair battle?

  8. Jamie Carter-Bailey
    Jamie Carter-Bailey

    Smh why can’t we just acknowledge that all women are beautiful. Everyone has their own preferences, it doesnt make one person better than the next. Why is it so hard for us to get along, agree to disagree? ! #bemore #riseabove #reachhigher

  9. Lamara Stone
    Lamara Stone

    Do to your hair what makes you happy and feel the best you can about yourself. Natural, relaxed, long weave, short chop, pink mohawk, whatever! It’s your life. Live it!

  10. Constance Bates-Coleman
    Constance Bates-Coleman

    Again beauty is on the inside and we enhance it however that makes us feel good on the outside dont ever let your hair dictate who you are regardless of your choice of style method

  11. Kamela M Oxner
    Kamela M Oxner

    Thanks. I’m of people attemppting make me feel guilty about having relaxed hair. It does not me less ‘black’.

  12. Real Shock
    Real Shock

    I relax my hair so it can relax!
    Even plants get a little something to nurture it!
    I didn’t do childbirth naturally either!
    F**k that give me something to make it better!

  13. Trina Smith
    Trina Smith

    I’m so sick of this topic. I hate when people feel that a decision they have made for themselves is the only way to go for the rest of the world.

  14. Tabitha Dynasty B
    Tabitha Dynasty B

    What do they mean “are beauties too” as if ppl ever said they weren’t? Let’s be honest relaxed hair has been the standard for beauty for a very long time. I think the natural movement is a much needed beautiful thing! Not just for health reasons (as I see a lot of comments stating there are chemicals in many of the products we use) but because its important for young girls to know that their natural beauty and natural tresses are enough. If they see black women proudly displaying their natural kinks, curls and coils then they’d want to do it as well.

  15. Kisha Masters
    Kisha Masters

    I wouldn’t dare burn away the versatility of my hair, I can wear a fro Tmmrw and a silky press the next day. Glad I made my choice of going natural after not having a choice for 14+ years. I never knew how beautiful and healthy and shiny my natural hair is. Yasss yal missing out lol

  16. Linda Cushman
    Linda Cushman

    All ladies are beautiful! We all have special assets that we can use to enhance our beauty in various ways! Never Forget We Are

  17. C Angel Handley
    C Angel Handley

    If it wasn’t beautiful folks wouldn’t be doing it. Natural hair is getting praise for embracing the struggle that relaxers can escape to some degree. There is no hard fast general rule but I don’t want to see people pulling this “We are all the same, we all suffer the same” no.

    Yes your relaxed hair is beautiful but naturals tend to pay a societal price that you don’t to embrace the “nappy blackness” our society taught us was ugly centuries back, and that deserves recognition and praise.

    We know you are beautiful already being rekaxed, that’s why society says we should look like you? Feeling left out because someone else is being praised when you are already the status quo?

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