Relaxed Chicks Are Beauties Too!

Woman with shoulder length relaxed hair

Hello, Beauties!

A while back I was  talking to a friend of mine who has relaxed hair. Her hair was thick, but it’s a bit dry and brittle, and she has a flaky scalp.  She was also not retaining any noticeable length. (Her hair had been the same length since high school. I won’t date myself, but trust me, it’d been a while! We were gabbing about products, and I immediately realized what her problem was: Product overload and no clear regimen. So, being the awesome friend that I am, I asked her about it.

Big. Mistake.

Perhaps my question made her feel judged? (Which was not my intention; I’m no hair nazi!) Or perhaps she felt bad because I noticed the problem, which she thought (or convinced herself) was unnoticeable? Did she think I was about to pressure her to go natural?  At any rate, I had offended my friend and I had no intention of doing so. So I apologized, and expressed my feelings of wanting to help. Trust me, I know how some feel that their hair is representative of their outer self, and I hate to make anyone feel bad. I’m a helper, not a hater! Ugh, I felt awful.

Sooo, after I smoothed things over (I’m pretty good at it, trust me, chocolate and pastries and wine help a lot), I told her that I too, used to have a terrible dandruff problem, and my hair was dry too. Thus, came our next roadblock:

“Ash, are you blind? My hair is chemically straightened. I can’t use the same stuff you use! My hair is supposed to be easier to take care of! Why does your hair seem better than mine?”


*sigh*.  Pent up aggression, much?

OK, so I gave her some advice, and perhaps the same advice will help some of the other relaxed beauties out there.

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About Ashes


I am a 28 year old wife, daughter and friend. I have been natural for almost 10 years, heat free for 6 months. I have recently started my own blog and would like to write for other blogs and sites as well. I love everything about hair and makeup and fashion, as I believe that those are powerful ways to express oneself. I very strongly believe that people should be themselves, no pretenses. I love to talk to different people and hear different viewpoints, because there IS room for everyone.

About Ashes


I am a 28 year old wife, daughter and friend. I have been natural for almost 10 years, heat free for 6 months. I have recently started my own blog and would like to write for other blogs and sites as well. I love everything about hair and makeup and fashion, as I believe that those are powerful ways to express oneself. I very strongly believe that people should be themselves, no pretenses. I love to talk to different people and hear different viewpoints, because there IS room for everyone.

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Linda CushmanReal ShockAshley RuizShāy PontsTsehai Lewis Recent comment authors
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Adina Sharpe
Adina Sharpe

I call BS on this article. This is written as if women with relaxed hair aren’t aware that their hair is beautiful. It’s making an assumption that women with relaxed hair are assuming that natural hair looks better and we need some consoling. BULL!

What woman doesn’t know that all she has to do is pay attention to her hair? That she needs a regimen? That it’s easier to comb through her hair when it’s relaxed? That too much product is not a good thing? That in order to maintain it they need a moisture protein balance? I guess it must be someone who doesn’t have access to the internet because almost every black woman knows this! I also don’t know too many black women who have to get a pep talk about how their hair is as good as natural hair. Most of us know that…..and the benefits of it when it’s taken care of. So please…..stop.

Kim Fancy

I agree, the tone of the article was a bit condescending.

Andrea
Andrea

I am six years natural and I’m to the point that I don’t comment to relaxed women about their hair, my hair or hair in general. I don’t compliment their hair or make suggestions. Nothing. I don’t even discuss the topic with them. For one, reduces of the chance of offensive comments and questions about natural hair I don’t like. 2, a lot of people assume because I don’t relax my hair that I feel some kind of judgmental way about them wearing a relaxer. I dislike relaxers on MY HAIR!! So don’t talk, No drama. Works for me.

Cb Sampson

Is beauty worth applying chemicals to your brain never sacrifice your health for so called beauty

Tsehai Lewis

It is! No point in debating it, we are entitled to wear our hair the way we choose.

Courtney Gray

Who said you couldnt

Tsehai Lewis

An earlier post young lady

Ashley Ruiz

Don’t say anything about health unless you are cutting out chemicals all around you. That means your lotion, toothpaste, food even. So I should cut out just those chemicals in a relaxer but you apply more chemicals daily than I do occasionally. I hate when people try to spread their propaganda.

Jamie Carter-Bailey

Im totally with you. Especially parfums and deodorants!!!

Lamara Stone

Deodorant has MANY bad chemicals. Some studies say may increase chance for breast cancer. I’m so tired of people judging and putting others down bc they don’t have the same opinion! This world would be so boring if we all were EXACTLY the same. Ok. I’m done. 🙂

Kamela M Oxner

I wish people stop calling relaxers ‘perms’

Chevy Genous

Those other chemicals do not burn your skin though.

Shāy Ponts

^^^ but are carcinogens nonetheless

Ashley Ruiz

And this is why I make my own deodorant!! And Shay Ponts…don’t even try to explain. People only care about what “appears” to be bad and jumping on the bandwagon without even educating themselves.

Shāy Ponts

So true! What do you use to make your deodorant? I recently began using the aluminum-free deodorants which aren’t antiperspirants, but I do smell myself after a while. Tmi and all that, I know, but do you continually reapply throughout the day or is merely one application sufficient for you?

Ashley Ruiz

I make my deodorant with: 3tbs extra virgin coconut oil, 3tbs arrowroot powder or corn starch, 2tbs Shea butter or cocoa butter, and 1tbs baking soda. The recipe actually calls for 3tbs baking soda and 2tbs arrowroot powder but I had a sensitivity to that level of baking soda so I reduced it. Its not an antiperspirant but I dont stink at all. A friend of mine gets really stinky so she uses the original amount of baking soda and it’s the only thing that prevents her smelling. She hasn’t had any sensitivities.

Tsebo Kobbina

Yes they are beautiful in fact they strong hair hence it can’t withstand being processed and still look good

Alicia Jones Gibbs

No fried scalp here

Asha Jamia

Lol hear we go, this is like when “Dark girls” came out to make darker women know their beauty, then movie “light girls” came out. No one is saying you’re not beautiful, but just letting the women treated like the underdogs (remind you I said TREATED LIKE) know their just as beautiful in their natural texture. I guess we been getting to much attention and spotlight for y’all though.

Chevy Genous

Right!!

DeAndra Wright

Lol what a sad comment “getting too much.attention”.seriously? We are all black women, relaxed or not. Who cares what is on too of your head? Ppl put too much emphasis/importance on hair!!!!

Asha Jamia

Please tell where I said we weren’t all black women boo? I’m saying if people are saying “yay go natural hair” and is all for natural hair, women with relax hair get all upset and be like “we’re just as beautiful”. Which is true, no one is saying otherwise. But with years of spotlight being on the relaxed beauties, natural beauties get some attention, then people get upset, like for why? We can’t share the shine. Obviously you’re a little mad boo.

Stacey Lawrence

The majority of black women have been perming or dare I say Jherri Curling our hair for years now all of a sudden some decide to “go” natural which means you weren’t ALWAYS natural and now you want to be judge mental? I decided to go natural because sadly it never occurred to me that that was an option since my hair has been permed since I was 7. I thought that it was sad that I am almost 40 and had no clue how my natural hair looked or what to do with it but I don’t look down on somebody that doesn’t want to make that choice nor will I ever. With all of things that already divide our community do we really want to start a stupid hair battle?

Nicky Moody

So very true

Jamie Carter-Bailey

Smh why can’t we just acknowledge that all women are beautiful. Everyone has their own preferences, it doesnt make one person better than the next. Why is it so hard for us to get along, agree to disagree? ! #bemore #riseabove #reachhigher

Latasha Lacking

I got a relaxer after being natural almost 3 years and I have no regrets and no “fried scalp”.

Leo B Venzen

Who said they weren’t?

Lamara Stone

Do to your hair what makes you happy and feel the best you can about yourself. Natural, relaxed, long weave, short chop, pink mohawk, whatever! It’s your life. Live it!

Constance Bates-Coleman

Again beauty is on the inside and we enhance it however that makes us feel good on the outside dont ever let your hair dictate who you are regardless of your choice of style method

Charlene Cha LaBranche

This debate again

Kamela M Oxner

Thanks. I’m of people attemppting make me feel guilty about having relaxed hair. It does not me less ‘black’.

Real Shock

I relax my hair so it can relax!
Even plants get a little something to nurture it!
I didn’t do childbirth naturally either!
F**k that give me something to make it better!

Real Shock

I never uhh heard of one person dieing or getting cancer from a perm

Niqueria Martin

I let my hair return back to its natural state three years ago. And I have no regrets! 😉

Trina Smith

I’m so sick of this topic. I hate when people feel that a decision they have made for themselves is the only way to go for the rest of the world.

Natalie Lexture

Yes they are too….all are beauty no matter what

Betty L. Coley

Yes for sure

Tabitha Dynasty B

What do they mean “are beauties too” as if ppl ever said they weren’t? Let’s be honest relaxed hair has been the standard for beauty for a very long time. I think the natural movement is a much needed beautiful thing! Not just for health reasons (as I see a lot of comments stating there are chemicals in many of the products we use) but because its important for young girls to know that their natural beauty and natural tresses are enough. If they see black women proudly displaying their natural kinks, curls and coils then they’d want to do it as well.

Kisha Masters

I wouldn’t dare burn away the versatility of my hair, I can wear a fro Tmmrw and a silky press the next day. Glad I made my choice of going natural after not having a choice for 14+ years. I never knew how beautiful and healthy and shiny my natural hair is. Yasss yal missing out lol

Linda Cushman

All ladies are beautiful! We all have special assets that we can use to enhance our beauty in various ways! Never Forget We Are

C Angel Handley

If it wasn’t beautiful folks wouldn’t be doing it. Natural hair is getting praise for embracing the struggle that relaxers can escape to some degree. There is no hard fast general rule but I don’t want to see people pulling this “We are all the same, we all suffer the same” no.

Yes your relaxed hair is beautiful but naturals tend to pay a societal price that you don’t to embrace the “nappy blackness” our society taught us was ugly centuries back, and that deserves recognition and praise.

We know you are beautiful already being rekaxed, that’s why society says we should look like you? Feeling left out because someone else is being praised when you are already the status quo?