I Want To Go Natural But My Husband Doesn’t Like Natural Hair

155369401Relationships are filled with huge compromises some of them great for both parties some that might mean one person has to sacrifice for the other, but just what you sacrifice is what is the center of this conversation.

Hair is sexy to some men and some men find silky, straight hair way sexier than textured coily hair just like we used to feel way back in the day. You see we were not the only ones admiring a relaxer when we were 13 and making it a way of life.

Even though guys did not get perms, it was there normal too. They saw their sisters, aunts, best friends, past girlfriends, grandmothers and of course their moms.

They even saw their dad’s tell their mom how beautiful she looks with straight hair. Just like we had to unravel so do they, so lets discuss some of the steps we need to take to get them there.

Acknowledge that you used to feel just like him

Don’t act like this was easy for you, because we all know how many of us got ‘here’ was not easy. We read, we studied, we had conversations that he probably was not apart of, we did alot to get comfortable so the first step is to acknowledge that.

Explain how you felt about your hair before going natural, what your mindset was whether it was positive or negative so that he has a complete understanding about where you are coming from.

Communicate the reasons for your decision

Tell him in non-emotional terms why you want to do this. Men are emotional but show there emotion in different ways, they do not think the way we think so we need to explain it in a language they can relate to that is less emotional and more logical.

Explain or show evidence of the harmful chemicals in relaxers and explain or show if you are having hair or scalp issues because of the chemicals. Show them the variations of styles natural hair can achieve and explain that even though you do not know what your will look like you are willing to experiment with styles he may find more attractive.

Originally posted 2014-07-10 15:00:50.

About Sabrina Perkins

Hello all, I'm Sabrina. I'm a freelance writer and a full-time blogger at my site, http://www.seriouslynatural.org/ where the focus is on Natural hair, beauty and style. I became natural 8 years ago at the tender age of 35 and love sharing my ups and downs as I master this thing called natural hair. Married, with two kids (one being a natural herself) gives me a different perspective on our hair and why I love being natural. I want healthy hair, long hair and sexy hair! I'm an older natural---that's right---I'm grown and sexy, and I have much to share. I love fashion too and recently opened a clothing shop for beautiful black women at www.seriouslynatural.spreadshirt.com

About Sabrina Perkins

Hello all, I'm Sabrina. I'm a freelance writer and a full-time blogger at my site, http://www.seriouslynatural.org/ where the focus is on Natural hair, beauty and style. I became natural 8 years ago at the tender age of 35 and love sharing my ups and downs as I master this thing called natural hair. Married, with two kids (one being a natural herself) gives me a different perspective on our hair and why I love being natural. I want healthy hair, long hair and sexy hair! I'm an older natural---that's right---I'm grown and sexy, and I have much to share. I love fashion too and recently opened a clothing shop for beautiful black women at www.seriouslynatural.spreadshirt.com


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  1. Tarin Cee
    Tarin Cee

    mines don’t care, he just doesn’t want me to cut my hair, my relaxer is about 12 inches and my natural is about 4 1/2. so I’m doing all this exact work to maintain it all

  2. Jassah Gittens
    Jassah Gittens

    I’m so tired of this topic! You need to reevaluate your relationship if he does not like you for something as insignificant as what type of hair you enjoy and feel comfortable wearing.

  3. Aneesah JustNisa Ansari
    Aneesah JustNisa Ansari

    I think u have to take it into consideration. I don’t like dreads & my boyfriend wanted them. My answer was absolutely not & he respected that.

  4. Kenya Charisse
    Kenya Charisse

    I swear I JUST asked my husband last night if he would mind if I went natural..his answer was absolutely not..as long as I’m healthy and my hair is healthy he’s happy.

  5. Ivy Jackson
    Ivy Jackson

    Most of the men that don’t want their partners natural is because they were wearing weaves when they met and thought that was their hair or liked the way it looked

  6. Kenya Charisse
    Kenya Charisse

    He truly is..anytime I wear weaves or braids he helps me take them out…without complaining..I love him for that lol

  7. Atiya Moore
    Atiya Moore

    I said I want to cut my perm off and grow my natural hair, but I’m nervous. He said cut it. It’s only hair. It will grow back.

  8. Sonia Hazard (NiaMassage)

    My husband encouraged me to go natural, after seeing what my scalp looked like after perming. I’ve been natural for over a year and a half, and he likes it better this way. It’s short, but I love the way I feel in it.

  9. Alexia Whitehead
    Alexia Whitehead

    My boyfriend absolutely hates when I wear a weave, but he respects that it’s my head and I can do whatever with it. That’s the kind of guy you need.

  10. Beverly Colvin
    Beverly Colvin

    my ex liked my long perm.hair i didnt so i cut it and went natural,i love it love it i told him u grow some hair on that bald head and then i will go back to the perm,well he cant and i never will go back.this is my hair and i will wear it as i please.i am team natural.

  11. Kezia Verneuil
    Kezia Verneuil

    I have been natural for 3 years. .and I usedto flat iron my hair..it was long and healthy. .but it began to break bec of to much heat..my ex boyfriend loved my hair..but when I decide to start over. .He wasn’t having it..The sec I walk in the house with a boy cut. He got upset and didn’t talk or sleep next to me.in the end I break up with me bec of that.

  12. Kezia Verneuil
    Kezia Verneuil

    I Felt He Didnt Love Me Enough For Who I was From The inside..I Beautiful With And With Out Long Hair. .now I’m free to do what I love and that’s to be a chameleon

  13. Amelia Farrior
    Amelia Farrior

    Funny my husband and I was just having a conversation on this very topic. He always been team natural even when I wasn’t. I’m lucky he has supported me through my entire journey.

  14. Lynnette Holley
    Lynnette Holley

    My husband wasn’t a fan at first because he didn’t know how it was going to work out. 5 years in he is happy for me, he tells our daughters to do it, he tell his friends too. He is proud of my journey because he saw the process and result. Explain it to your partner. Give them credit you chose them for a reason. it’s a drastic decision yell DIVORCE HIM!!!

  15. Lidia Almeida
    Lidia Almeida

    we blank people shud luv are hair becaus its are nature to have wolli hair and not by ashemed me myself a relax from thime to time juist to mayking isyer on my becaus i have allot of hair if have very strong hair and i couler it becaus its suths my skin couler i only put extentions wanes buth its was e afro my proffesion is hairdresser so i like to change styl .lyck akon en indie song i am not my hair do wath ever you lick aslong that you feel pretty

  16. Nia Hayes
    Nia Hayes

    My husband isn’t a fan of short hair and it took a minute for him to adjust to my natural hair. He now loves it but still prefers it long.

  17. Asha Lewis
    Asha Lewis

    Hmm. Just remind him he didn’t marry you for your hair, show him the versatility of it. Show him that natural is indeed good.

  18. Rose Jackie
    Rose Jackie'Brown Boglin

    My first love hated my relaxed hair. When we met it was short n natural n he loved it. My other ex after him hated my natural hair. So I learned to just stay single so I don’t have to deal w someone else’s opinion. Which is silly cuz it doesn’t affect anyone but me.

    1. Dananana

      I have faith that you will meet someone who cares about you… not what your hair looks like. Shallow people are for other shallow people.

  19. Erica Williams
    Erica Williams

    It was his idea way before I was thinking about it! He got the side eye! He was down when I decided! He even cut off the rest of the perm for me!

  20. Rita Dos Santos
    Rita Dos Santos

    Why are we talking about this! It’s your hair not his and anyway it shouldn’t matter what type of hair you have, if he loves you it should be all of you. My husband loves my kinky frizzy hair and his white lol.

  21. Chyna Mon
    Chyna Mon'et

    The problem is with ppl when they meet someone they might have the long flaunty weave or permed hair which drew their partners attention but later switches to a short tight coiled look which is the complete opposite of the partners attraction to a woman lol.

  22. Deneen Carroll
    Deneen Carroll

    People stop with the natural hair you were born with natural hair, no perm or weave you choose to be lazy and not comb or take care of your hair and yes black women do have long hair. Natural hair is not walking around looking like you haven’t picked up a comb in months , you still curl it wrap it flat iron it and take care of it and style it.

    1. Dananana

      Umm….no. I don’t have to use a comb. Combs damage my hair and keep me from retaining length. The extreme heat from flat ironing is damaging too. I care for and style my hair cute all of the time without the use of either. Voluminous buns, puffs, and updos all the way!

  23. Andrea Johnson
    Andrea Johnson

    Well do your husband have a perm cause if not tell him you don’t like the way he wear’s his hair.

  24. Joycelyn Lanae
    Joycelyn Lanae

    I can see why a man may not want their significant other to go natural. When you date/marry someone you are attracted to their outer appearance and for some men they love their significant other’s hair the way it was. Its a complete change. Just like if I married someone and they were fit and all of a sudden they gain weight and get fat, I wouldn’t like it. Its not his fault that you decided to find yourself while in a relationship.

  25. Anna Ogonji Smith
    Anna Ogonji Smith

    I just cut my hair two days ago! My husband said he was fine with it etc. I know he likes longer hair though. So far so good. It seems like other people were more shocked than him. My thoughts on their opinion were if the man that I sleep beside every night is okay with it, then I don’t care what you have to say. I’ve been known to change my hairstyle a lot anyway, so I think my husband gave up on expecting the same thing for more than a month.

  26. K

    Go natural! ( It’s awesome!)
    1. It’s not his hair 2. He’ll get used to it. It’s an adjustment for both parties. My boyfriend wasn’t happy about my choice to do it 2 years ago and to this day doesn’t like like when it looks too much like a “fro”. He doesn’t mind when it’s up or in a twist out style. Idc either way. He’ll be happy in a couple years when my hair is long and healthy and then he won’t have anything to say because when it finally is straightened it’ll look 10x better than my relaxed hair.
    I’ve also just taken to reminding him that I went natural because I wanted healthy, strong hair and I wasn’t happy with the condition of my relaxed hair.
    If a man truly can’t understand that, I find that kind of pathetic. Boy, bye.

  27. moe

    I just think it is funny how some men consider it a deal breaker…it’s hair! they would prefer to get a gf with no home training, but as long as her hair is laid silky straight that’s more important SMH!

  28. Qhama Kana

    Why did he marry a black woman if he don’t like natural hair ? nha B, my hair is apart of me so you want me or not ?

  29. Kyla Harmon

    I’m probably gonna get persecuted for this but ain’t no woman in her right mind leaving their husband behind a decision to go natural. “Go” being the operative word. Meaning he met her with processed hair and is accustomed to it. That is ridiculous. Men are ignorant when it comes to hair. They like what they see or they don’t. Showing him style ideas and letting him feel included in such a drastic change is a start. There is room for compromise. There is a way for you to still be desirable to your hubby and have healthy natural hair. He will come around

  30. Sissy W. Forbes

    i surprised my husband when i cut off all my relaxed hair. he was like “what did u do?”. he was mad for a while but now he loves it….

  31. Clo Taylor

    My partner didn’t like me with relaxed hair but that’s how he met me….. I’ve now gone natural which he loves but It was my choice to do so not his x

  32. Shawna Steed

    My husband wasn’t feeling it either, but now he loves it and even tells his coworkers what products they should try “my wife uses…” Although he wasn’t intially happy with my hair decision, he also clearly stated he loved me even if I had no hair!

    1. Tiffa Owens

      Girl yass…say it again! Dude said I like straight hair…went and got my straight wig gave it to him…he like what ima do with this? Im like use it to build a bridge and get over it!

  33. Shan Shand

    Its going to take a long time for a man especially Black’s to accepts a black women with nature hair. Hopefully they will come around

  34. Bri Moore

    Everyone has something that they don’t like, but compromising for the love of your spouse is they key to keeping it together. I can’t relate to this situation, because my husband loves my hair no matter how I wear it, from blowouts to my natural curl pattern, he’s here for it all.

    1. Cindy Cadet-Benjamin

      People on here have an all or nothing mentally. Like screw him! That won’t work if she still wants to stay married. Men generally don’t like change, you have to easy into every hairstyle.

    2. Chrissy King

      Your husband telling you you can’t wear your hair the way God created it is not a compromise. A compromise is letting him have a recliner in your living room that may not match. It says a lot about his real feelings for you if your hairstyle determines how he feels about you.

    3. Cindy Cadet-Benjamin

      Chrissy King much to do about nothing. Black folk put to much emphasis on hair, a woman whole existence is reduced to her hair.

    4. Chrissy King

      Cindy Cadet-Benjamin that’s because black women for centuries weren’t allowed to wear our hair how we wanted by law. Now black women are criticized for wearing our hair the way God made it. Literally losing jobs and being kicked out of school for our hair. Being bullied and judged for our hair. Black women had to form an entire movement because we live in a society where our natural hair is considered unacceptable. Black women have to fight that battle against other races. Why should we have to fight that same battle against men born with the same hair types. And any man who has a problem with you changing your hair is the one who is reducing your existence to hair.

  35. Cecilia Jasper

    Well, if your husband has the final say on your hair…have it HIS way…in fact, tell him you don’t like HIS natural hair and see what he says. Suggest HE get the relaxer….

    1. Karine Graham Harty

      well he will have to give her a $100 every week to have it treat wash and sometimes straight since he is the one that doesnt like her hair natural

  36. Susan Jones

    Your husband is a self racist and don’t love his hair and himself, so he’s trying to keep you using chemicals because he’s been white washed and brainwashed from White world of Hollywood, white woman hair commercials that never end on purpose, and the Movies and white television shows ….. starring yours truly as always, the white woman.

  37. Michelle Hill

    Yeah Black men stopped seeing us as beautiful , it’s all about the stringy hair and light skin

  38. Arolyn Rias

    I think it’s more about wearing a TWA, most men prefer their women with long hair. She can still grow her natural hair without doing the big chop, and as her hair starts to grow she can slowly start trimming off the relaxed hair.

  39. Carla Layne

    my other half says he likes long hair (I recently did the big chop).. problem is I’m having problems styling.. always have to b hunting to get somebody to do them for me. so this is easier for me.. he’ll have to get used to it.. braised and weave doesn’t do it for me

  40. Marie Ange Senatus

    Lol sounds like something a brother would say they have so much selfhate it’s disgusting. Do What makes you happy wear your hair natural if he doesn’t like it too bad.

  41. Bridget Denise Webb

    If your husband doesn’t like natural hair, you should wear it the way he likes it and pray that God opens his heart to natural hair and changes his heart to allow you to wear your hair natural and he like it! If you wear your hair in a way that he has clearly expressed he doesn’t like, it can take away from his attraction to you and for you. You want him to be attracted to you. And attracted to your spirit. Your “his” wife. And the two shall become one. You are not single anymore!

  42. Huvie Joe
    Huvie Joe

    My hair; my choice better start liking it..i guess thats why Im single. I would deal with that none issue real quick!????

  43. Norica Oya
    Norica Oya

    He can voice his opinion, but is he going to try and divorce you over hair?!?!?!

    1. Nykkya S. Davis
      Nykkya S. Davis

      Some guys like hair. She had it up there when they met and married. He doesn’t have to like her natural hair. She shouldn’t of faked him out.

    2. Norica Oya
      Norica Oya

      …speaking from the perspective of someone who is married….most couples evolve. And any husband that doesn’t support his wife for the better deserves a divorce.

    3. Norica Oya
      Norica Oya

      …..a man that can’t support his wife about hair ..he won’t be able to support any REAL decisions either….his ego will over take the whole relationship….just get a baby momma…pay child support..and be like every other negro we know.

    4. Norica Oya
      Norica Oya

      And doing everything a man tells you to do, won’t keep him….seems like girls would have figured that out by now.

    5. Norica Oya
      Norica Oya

      ….black women change their hair all the time…weaves, relaxers, braids,colors, natural, crochet, etc. Sounds to me he just doesnt want to be married to her. Which is fine, let her go be with the man that’s for her…and let’s not blame this on hair.

  44. Joy Joy
    Joy Joy

    Sounds like you’re the winner of a brand new hairstyle AND a new husband *dingdingding

    1. Nykkya S. Davis
      Nykkya S. Davis

      Well, its the same thing. I don’t want a man who wears those. I don’t care how old we get. He is also entitled to his prefrence

  45. Whit Soni
    Whit Soni

    He doesn’t like natural hair?!?!? How is that even possible?? I feel like its saying you don’t like your blackness or your melanin. He better sat down and catch these curly haired vibes!!!

    1. Karla Harley
      Karla Harley

      No one said anything about penis sampling. Sometimes you end up with something you hadn’t preferred previously. You learn to adapt..love it..or leave it. End of discussion.

  46. Felicia Upshaw
    Felicia Upshaw

    Haha!! Why is there any debate? I do what I want with my hair and no partner of mine would have any say in that. Besides, if a guy wants to divorce you because of your hair, he wasn’t that into you anyway. Let that dude go!

    1. Nykkya S. Davis
      Nykkya S. Davis

      no, the person she presented wasn’t the real her. Women do all that extra stuff to get a man, but want him to be so in love that those things no longer matter. Nice dream

    2. Courtney David
      Courtney David

      No he don’t like the real you and a system that has gone as far as creating laws to make blk. Women feel ashamed of their hair has destroyed his integrity she did nothing wrong other than fkn with a dub

  47. Kris Young
    Kris Young

    Dump his ass and find a man who WILL accept you whether you go natural or relaxed.

    1. Olympia Ortega
      Olympia Ortega

      Nykkya S. Davis you are comparing something fake to something that grows naturally out of her scalp. Apples to skyscrapers. Foh.

    1. Sarah Theodore
      Sarah Theodore

      I doubt that’s what she’s trying to do. No need for all that heat damage. She wants her natural vines back so that what she should do

  48. Maggie Spicediva Findley
    Maggie Spicediva Findley

    A partner should always try to make the other happy out of respect u can discuss a change but at no given time should something like that be an issue what ever you like should be his answer hmmnn.

  49. Jksn Steph
    Jksn Steph

    Some men, not all, are just never completely satisfied with what they have, until it is completely out of reach.????????‍♀️????????

  50. Nicole Fontenot
    Nicole Fontenot

    Surprised by how many are willing to throw away marriage over hair. People have preferences in their mates. This is nothing a discussion with him can’t resolve.

    1. Damaris Muga
      Damaris Muga

      Am surprised by your surprise if it’s just hair, then shouldn’t the man then be least bothered by what she does with it?

    2. Nicole Fontenot
      Nicole Fontenot

      Never said let that be your determining factor for divorce. If my husband decides to give up his bald head which is what I like I’m not walking out on the marriage. Each time I leave the shop my hair is different and I’m sure some he hasn’t liked but oh well.

  51. Lorraine Knight
    Lorraine Knight

    If he doesn’t like natural hair then don’t go natural. Your hair shouldn’t be a reason for marital problems if u weren’t natural when u guys met.

    1. Damaris Muga
      Damaris Muga

      People are supposed to stay exactly the same as when they met their partners, don’t add or lose weight, don’t have cellulite, don’t have wrinkles….????????????????

    2. Lorraine Knight
      Lorraine Knight

      That wasn’t my point. My point is… if her partner doesn’t want her to have natural hair then is it really worth the fight? Or potential fight? It’s about picking her battles.

    3. Damaris Muga
      Damaris Muga

      What if her partner doesn’t want her to have wrinkles you know because when he met her 17 years ago she was wrinkle free, should she use botox or just full face lift. You are helping a lot of sisters. We just want to know how to fight this battles so we don’t loose precious husband. Or perhaps maybe just clone herself?

    4. Lorraine Knight
      Lorraine Knight

      U expressed an opinion and I expressed mine. I’m now natural not because I wanted to be but because my partner didn’t like straightened hair and it created issues in my own home. I also did the whole “it’s my hair I will do what I want, done try to change me, this is who I am… “ guess what, in my own situation, the pressure to stop relaxing my hair got worse and worse and things degenerated into fights. At the end, I decided that peace in my home was much better than being right. It was also draining and a waste of time to keep trying to “get my way” at the expense of a happy home. So I repeat, if it’s not worth the fight… then don’t fight it. I love my natural hair now but it wasn’t my choice to go natural.

  52. Kamilah Abernathy
    Kamilah Abernathy

    So I have to suffer from fried, broken hair; chemical scabs, and “momma burnt my ear”PTSD, for your ego?!


  53. Nikki Osterloh
    Nikki Osterloh

    Yeah… I got one of those. My husband is white. He’s used to woman with long hair. Then there’s me. I used to relax my hair and wear weave all the time. But two years ago I was liberated and started went natural. He doesn’t like when I wear my shorter natural hair (in between styles). He thinks I look better with “the long hair”… But used to complain like shit when I had to get it done.

  54. Kay Leigh
    Kay Leigh

    Wait wait I wanna know the marital status of all the “show him the door” “you’re your own person” “that’s his problem” folks.

    Just wanna see something

    1. Tracey Shannon Robertson
      Tracey Shannon Robertson

      I don’t give a f**k married or not I ain’t letting any man dictate to me what I can and cannot do kmt respect is mutually exclusive …

    2. Kay Leigh
      Kay Leigh

      Tracey I didn’t say that. However, a healthy marriage has respect, boundaries and adoration for the partner.

  55. Tamasha M. Robertson
    Tamasha M. Robertson

    Him expecting you to put chemicals in your hair until he’s dead isn’t fair. He knows you were born with natural hair and should support you wanting to go back to your roots.

  56. Drina Phil
    Drina Phil

    I would have copped that from the beginning
    Those things you can catch from the start. That’s a huge deal. What else does he have an opinion on in our culture is the next question.

  57. Nik Tuck
    Nik Tuck

    Then he shouldn’t wear his hair natural. ????????‍♀️ You do you boo.

  58. Markita Keyes
    Markita Keyes

    My husband gets offended when I say I want to cut my hair off. Like it’s just hair shit it’s hot

  59. Khristi Killian-Valadez
    Khristi Killian-Valadez

    You do you. ANYONE who can’t appreciate how you choose to style yourself doesn’t deserve you!

    P.S. I know I’m a pasty bitch, but I feel I can comment on this because I have had similar issues. For example, my EX-husband threatening to leave if I got ‘too skinny’ when I was trying to lose the baby weight.

  60. Nancy Wilson
    Nancy Wilson

    Poor husband! He would be averting his eyes a lot as I walk around with my Sisterlocs ????

  61. Jane Li
    Jane Li

    Been there, done that. Relaxed my hair and bleached it blonde because my husband liked it. It was long, past the middle of my back, but it was too much messing about. Then I just cut it level to my ears, got rid of all the relaxer and now it’s natural. I can iron it straight or leave it curly. No more worrying about the rain either! ???? My husband did mention he liked it more before, so I just politely replied “I’m not white…”. That put an end to that issue ????

  62. Novelle Tynes
    Novelle Tynes

    Be his last .. no man telling me I can’t wear my God given curls. I am a Black woman and love my crown.

  63. Teresa Lowe
    Teresa Lowe

    My husband likes my hair curly and long. I straighten my hair! He’s not the one who has to deal with it, I do.

  64. Han Nna
    Han Nna

    Divorce.. cause i would never wanna be married to a man that shallow anyway..

  65. Deidra Wilson
    Deidra Wilson

    Like it or Leave it. I will not and do not have that kind of time to be trying to fit his image. If I didn’t fit his image when he first met me then keep it moving. I’m a very confident woman either way and I will love my man no matter what and he will love me the same. It’s just that simple ????????‍♀️

  66. Amber CT
    Amber CT

    Has he SEEEN all the styles of natural hair? Probably not well informed. There are so many ways for hair to be wonderful. And it’s straight oppressive to require a women to have fancy hair/ make-up/ nails all the darn time. Let him experience all the steps it takes to go through the hair processes.

  67. Bianca Bryant
    Bianca Bryant

    After years of being told I had “bad hair” I stopped trying to wear it natural. The first time my husband saw it he said “I love your hair!” It brought tears to my eyes. Your husband should be your number one fan and biggest cheerleader.

  68. Laurie Ann Cox
    Laurie Ann Cox

    I love natural hair. As a child one of my best friends in grade school had the most beautiful hair. I tried twisting my hair and it wouldn’t stay like hers did without a rubber band or barrette, and I just wished and wished for her hair. It’s a shame her husband can’t appreciate the things that make his wife feel like the best version of herself.

  69. Arnice Vanderberg
    Arnice Vanderberg

    That’s his problem. You are married, you are not his property. Do you tell him how to dress? What to do with his facial hair, or hair on his head? You are a human being. It’s your hair. It’s nice that u asked his opinion, not permission. Do you!

  70. Shonta Dodson Harris
    Shonta Dodson Harris

    My husband was the same way. In truth he was just afraid that it would look matted and not cared for. I finally just did it. That was six years ago. It was the best decision I ever made.

  71. Marie Domaille
    Marie Domaille

    So if he doesn’t like natural hair, tell him to do to his everything he wants you to do to yours. Then don’t do yours.

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