Listen to his side
Do not attack your man, ask the questions and listen to his perspective. Sometimes guys get lazy and they don’t open up the way you want them to, so you have to ask the right question to get him to talk. While he is talking , you listen to just get some understanding for yourself of where he is coming from.
Here is the thing, nobody is asking you to just roll over, but you have to know where his mind is to make the proper decision on your next move. Do you have common ground that you both can explore and if so that’s great, but you will never know unless you listen to him.
On the other hand you might find that what he is saying is not making any sense, and he isn’t taking your decision as seriously as you need to. At that point you have to face the reality that you might not have much to work with. This is a hard reality but reality non the less.
Be prepared for the hard accusations
I don’t understand how come when I met you, your were ok with the chemicals and scabs and all that, and not that we are married you have a problem?
Ok don’t perm it, but wear it straight then if that’s an option?
What else do you plan to just change since I do not have a say?
These are all questions that make the conversation difficult but they will come up and you need to have the answers to them. He doesn’t have to like the answers but you should be confident in your stance to show how serious you are.
Accept that they still may not waiver and make your decision anyway
Do what you feel is right for your hair as you are the one who has to live with it. Sometimes when we read posts like this we might think we will see suggestions that you need to compromise the health of your hair.
The truth is you don’t not for anyone! so even though you have suggestions on how to work through it, the premise is always if this is what you want to do, then you should do it.
The compromise comes in process not in the decision so at the end of the day if someone wants to leave you over hair then there is something lacking in the relationship that has nothing to do with hair.
We want to be attractive to our mate but we also want to make ourselves happy, know the difference and live your life so you are happy.
my husband hates weave
Aint he natural…do he press or perm his hair lol
hahahaha!
mines don’t care, he just doesn’t want me to cut my hair, my relaxer is about 12 inches and my natural is about 4 1/2. so I’m doing all this exact work to maintain it all
I’m so tired of this topic! You need to reevaluate your relationship if he does not like you for something as insignificant as what type of hair you enjoy and feel comfortable wearing.
I agree 100%
It’s not his hair.
I think u have to take it into consideration. I don’t like dreads & my boyfriend wanted them. My answer was absolutely not & he respected that.
I swear I JUST asked my husband last night if he would mind if I went natural..his answer was absolutely not..as long as I’m healthy and my hair is healthy he’s happy.
Most of the men that don’t want their partners natural is because they were wearing weaves when they met and thought that was their hair or liked the way it looked
Mine hated it at first but that’s just too bad 🙂
He truly is..anytime I wear weaves or braids he helps me take them out…without complaining..I love him for that lol
I said I want to cut my perm off and grow my natural hair, but I’m nervous. He said cut it. It’s only hair. It will grow back.
Never lose yourself in your marriage just better yourself
My husband encouraged me to go natural, after seeing what my scalp looked like after perming. I’ve been natural for over a year and a half, and he likes it better this way. It’s short, but I love the way I feel in it.
My boyfriend absolutely hates when I wear a weave, but he respects that it’s my head and I can do whatever with it. That’s the kind of guy you need.
my ex liked my long perm.hair i didnt so i cut it and went natural,i love it love it i told him u grow some hair on that bald head and then i will go back to the perm,well he cant and i never will go back.this is my hair and i will wear it as i please.i am team natural.
I have been natural for 3 years. .and I usedto flat iron my hair..it was long and healthy. .but it began to break bec of to much heat..my ex boyfriend loved my hair..but when I decide to start over. .He wasn’t having it..The sec I walk in the house with a boy cut. He got upset and didn’t talk or sleep next to me.in the end I break up with me bec of that.
I Felt He Didnt Love Me Enough For Who I was From The inside..I Beautiful With And With Out Long Hair. .now I’m free to do what I love and that’s to be a chameleon
Funny my husband and I was just having a conversation on this very topic. He always been team natural even when I wasn’t. I’m lucky he has supported me through my entire journey.
Time for a divorce…..lol
My husband wasn’t a fan at first because he didn’t know how it was going to work out. 5 years in he is happy for me, he tells our daughters to do it, he tell his friends too. He is proud of my journey because he saw the process and result. Explain it to your partner. Give them credit you chose them for a reason. it’s a drastic decision yell DIVORCE HIM!!!
we blank people shud luv are hair becaus its are nature to have wolli hair and not by ashemed me myself a relax from thime to time juist to mayking isyer on my becaus i have allot of hair if have very strong hair and i couler it becaus its suths my skin couler i only put extentions wanes buth its was e afro my proffesion is hairdresser so i like to change styl .lyck akon en indie song i am not my hair do wath ever you lick aslong that you feel pretty
ID DIVORCE HIM. LOL
why not?? HE natural bha ha ha ha ha aha!
My husband isn’t a fan of short hair and it took a minute for him to adjust to my natural hair. He now loves it but still prefers it long.
Hmm. Just remind him he didn’t marry you for your hair, show him the versatility of it. Show him that natural is indeed good.
My boyfriend likes my hair whatever way I have it. Because he loves me:) and he’s not even black.
My first love hated my relaxed hair. When we met it was short n natural n he loved it. My other ex after him hated my natural hair. So I learned to just stay single so I don’t have to deal w someone else’s opinion. Which is silly cuz it doesn’t affect anyone but me.
I have faith that you will meet someone who cares about you… not what your hair looks like. Shallow people are for other shallow people.
So sad. Why can’t we embrace who we really are?
It was his idea way before I was thinking about it! He got the side eye! He was down when I decided! He even cut off the rest of the perm for me!
Why are we talking about this! It’s your hair not his and anyway it shouldn’t matter what type of hair you have, if he loves you it should be all of you. My husband loves my kinky frizzy hair and his white lol.
The problem is with ppl when they meet someone they might have the long flaunty weave or permed hair which drew their partners attention but later switches to a short tight coiled look which is the complete opposite of the partners attraction to a woman lol.
My exes hated weave and perms lucky me,
My husband knows that I’m gonna do whatever with my hair anyway lol
People stop with the natural hair you were born with natural hair, no perm or weave you choose to be lazy and not comb or take care of your hair and yes black women do have long hair. Natural hair is not walking around looking like you haven’t picked up a comb in months , you still curl it wrap it flat iron it and take care of it and style it.
Umm….no. I don’t have to use a comb. Combs damage my hair and keep me from retaining length. The extreme heat from flat ironing is damaging too. I care for and style my hair cute all of the time without the use of either. Voluminous buns, puffs, and updos all the way!
Well do your husband have a perm cause if not tell him you don’t like the way he wear’s his hair.
My husband hates weave and str8 hair. He doesn’t even like me getting my hair braided. He’s team natural.
I can see why a man may not want their significant other to go natural. When you date/marry someone you are attracted to their outer appearance and for some men they love their significant other’s hair the way it was. Its a complete change. Just like if I married someone and they were fit and all of a sudden they gain weight and get fat, I wouldn’t like it. Its not his fault that you decided to find yourself while in a relationship.
Don’t
He says, my hair, my choice.
Whose hair is it?
I just cut my hair two days ago! My husband said he was fine with it etc. I know he likes longer hair though. So far so good. It seems like other people were more shocked than him. My thoughts on their opinion were if the man that I sleep beside every night is okay with it, then I don’t care what you have to say. I’ve been known to change my hairstyle a lot anyway, so I think my husband gave up on expecting the same thing for more than a month.
Go natural! ( It’s awesome!)
1. It’s not his hair 2. He’ll get used to it. It’s an adjustment for both parties. My boyfriend wasn’t happy about my choice to do it 2 years ago and to this day doesn’t like like when it looks too much like a “fro”. He doesn’t mind when it’s up or in a twist out style. Idc either way. He’ll be happy in a couple years when my hair is long and healthy and then he won’t have anything to say because when it finally is straightened it’ll look 10x better than my relaxed hair.
I’ve also just taken to reminding him that I went natural because I wanted healthy, strong hair and I wasn’t happy with the condition of my relaxed hair.
If a man truly can’t understand that, I find that kind of pathetic. Boy, bye.
I just think it is funny how some men consider it a deal breaker…it’s hair! they would prefer to get a gf with no home training, but as long as her hair is laid silky straight that’s more important SMH!
Time to get a new husband.
Yuh husband backside!
It’s not his hair …..It’s yours huni. …
Why did he marry a black woman if he don’t like natural hair ? nha B, my hair is apart of me so you want me or not ?
I’m probably gonna get persecuted for this but ain’t no woman in her right mind leaving their husband behind a decision to go natural. “Go” being the operative word. Meaning he met her with processed hair and is accustomed to it. That is ridiculous. Men are ignorant when it comes to hair. They like what they see or they don’t. Showing him style ideas and letting him feel included in such a drastic change is a start. There is room for compromise. There is a way for you to still be desirable to your hubby and have healthy natural hair. He will come around
I had a similar experience
i surprised my husband when i cut off all my relaxed hair. he was like “what did u do?”. he was mad for a while but now he loves it….
My partner didn’t like me with relaxed hair but that’s how he met me….. I’ve now gone natural which he loves but It was my choice to do so not his x
My husband wasn’t feeling it either, but now he loves it and even tells his coworkers what products they should try “my wife uses…” Although he wasn’t intially happy with my hair decision, he also clearly stated he loved me even if I had no hair!
It’s your hair, slavery was abolished! I don’t allow a man, husband to tell me what to do with hair.
If you husband doesn’t like natural hair then what is on his head, he don’t like himself
I wish someone would tell me what to do with my hair. Or anything for that matter.
Girl yass…say it again! Dude said I like straight hair…went and got my straight wig gave it to him…he like what ima do with this? Im like use it to build a bridge and get over it!
Its going to take a long time for a man especially Black’s to accepts a black women with nature hair. Hopefully they will come around
That’s your hair not his
Everyone has something that they don’t like, but compromising for the love of your spouse is they key to keeping it together. I can’t relate to this situation, because my husband loves my hair no matter how I wear it, from blowouts to my natural curl pattern, he’s here for it all.
People on here have an all or nothing mentally. Like screw him! That won’t work if she still wants to stay married. Men generally don’t like change, you have to easy into every hairstyle.
Your husband telling you you can’t wear your hair the way God created it is not a compromise. A compromise is letting him have a recliner in your living room that may not match. It says a lot about his real feelings for you if your hairstyle determines how he feels about you.
Chrissy King much to do about nothing. Black folk put to much emphasis on hair, a woman whole existence is reduced to her hair.
Cindy Cadet-Benjamin that’s because black women for centuries weren’t allowed to wear our hair how we wanted by law. Now black women are criticized for wearing our hair the way God made it. Literally losing jobs and being kicked out of school for our hair. Being bullied and judged for our hair. Black women had to form an entire movement because we live in a society where our natural hair is considered unacceptable. Black women have to fight that battle against other races. Why should we have to fight that same battle against men born with the same hair types. And any man who has a problem with you changing your hair is the one who is reducing your existence to hair.
Well, if your husband has the final say on your hair…have it HIS way…in fact, tell him you don’t like HIS natural hair and see what he says. Suggest HE get the relaxer….
well he will have to give her a $100 every week to have it treat wash and sometimes straight since he is the one that doesnt like her hair natural
Get a new husband.
Afro some look unkept make sure keep it health ly with etae products
Your husband is a self racist and don’t love his hair and himself, so he’s trying to keep you using chemicals because he’s been white washed and brainwashed from White world of Hollywood, white woman hair commercials that never end on purpose, and the Movies and white television shows ….. starring yours truly as always, the white woman.
Find a new husband
My husband prefers natural hair. He likes that about me
Get rid of him
Dont like natural hair …or dont like afro hair?
Been there
Tell you brainwashed husband to wake up
My husband hates my relaxed hair! I relax it anyway
Buy a wig have it both ways .
Yeah Black men stopped seeing us as beautiful , it’s all about the stringy hair and light skin
Those are not real men they are just Insecure little boys
Throw the whole husband away!
I think it’s more about wearing a TWA, most men prefer their women with long hair. She can still grow her natural hair without doing the big chop, and as her hair starts to grow she can slowly start trimming off the relaxed hair.
Shameful..
my other half says he likes long hair (I recently did the big chop).. problem is I’m having problems styling.. always have to b hunting to get somebody to do them for me. so this is easier for me.. he’ll have to get used to it.. braised and weave doesn’t do it for me
Lol sounds like something a brother would say they have so much selfhate it’s disgusting. Do What makes you happy wear your hair natural if he doesn’t like it too bad.
If your husband doesn’t like natural hair, you should wear it the way he likes it and pray that God opens his heart to natural hair and changes his heart to allow you to wear your hair natural and he like it! If you wear your hair in a way that he has clearly expressed he doesn’t like, it can take away from his attraction to you and for you. You want him to be attracted to you. And attracted to your spirit. Your “his” wife. And the two shall become one. You are not single anymore!
Get a new husband
My hair; my choice better start liking it..i guess thats why Im single. I would deal with that none issue real quick!????
These self hating men don’t represent them all.
Exactly!
F**k all that s**t I can’t take these new age men ????
He can voice his opinion, but is he going to try and divorce you over hair?!?!?!
if it means alot to him, he will cheat
….if he is going to destroy the marriage over hair, I might cheat first!
Some guys like hair. She had it up there when they met and married. He doesn’t have to like her natural hair. She shouldn’t of faked him out.
…speaking from the perspective of someone who is married….most couples evolve. And any husband that doesn’t support his wife for the better deserves a divorce.
Well the shoe fits both ways. If he started wearing weaves and kiltz, she shouldn’t say one word
…..a man that can’t support his wife about hair ..he won’t be able to support any REAL decisions either….his ego will over take the whole relationship….just get a baby momma…pay child support..and be like every other negro we know.
And doing everything a man tells you to do, won’t keep him….seems like girls would have figured that out by now.
That stuff should be known before the I DO.
….black women change their hair all the time…weaves, relaxers, braids,colors, natural, crochet, etc. Sounds to me he just doesnt want to be married to her. Which is fine, let her go be with the man that’s for her…and let’s not blame this on hair.
he will learn to love it or he can leave
Right!! What does the hair on his head look like!
Some dont want to give that ultimatum cause these ashy mfs will absolutely leave smh
Sounds like you’re the winner of a brand new hairstyle AND a new husband *dingdingding
Does he like his natural hair
but that is not who he fell in love with. She wouldn’t like it if he started wearing weaves
girl men have been wearing wigs (toupees) for years so that ain’t nothing new
Well, its the same thing. I don’t want a man who wears those. I don’t care how old we get. He is also entitled to his prefrence
Just like she’s entitled to hers…. but hey! to each it’s own
Point is he need to mind his own head.
Throw the whole husband away
He doesn’t like natural hair?!?!? How is that even possible?? I feel like its saying you don’t like your blackness or your melanin. He better sat down and catch these curly haired vibes!!!
????????????????
….and I don’t normally like guys with small penises..yet, here you are!
Its her husband tho, she isn’t penis sampling anymore
No one said anything about penis sampling. Sometimes you end up with something you hadn’t preferred previously. You learn to adapt..love it..or leave it. End of discussion.
????????????
he better be coughing up that money for Brazilian Malaysian and Peruvian cause we ain’t going cheap
Haha!! Why is there any debate? I do what I want with my hair and no partner of mine would have any say in that. Besides, if a guy wants to divorce you because of your hair, he wasn’t that into you anyway. Let that dude go!
Then he don’t like the real you, gtfafh
no, the person she presented wasn’t the real her. Women do all that extra stuff to get a man, but want him to be so in love that those things no longer matter. Nice dream
No he don’t like the real you and a system that has gone as far as creating laws to make blk. Women feel ashamed of their hair has destroyed his integrity she did nothing wrong other than fkn with a dub
Who cares what he thinks… if he doesn’t like it you can show him the door.
Do it gradually he won’t even notice.????????♀️. start by stop using perms..
Silk press is key
Men are too much. Live your best life…it’s yours.
Get a new husband ????????♀️
Dump his ass and find a man who WILL accept you whether you go natural or relaxed.
I think husband’s are free. Just return him for a better model
It’s not your husband’s hair.its your hair…bye Felicia!!
So the husband can get weaves and stuff, then tell her the same
bye girl!
I wholeheartedly agree
Nykkya S. Davis you are comparing something fake to something that grows naturally out of her scalp. Apples to skyscrapers. Foh.
That’s crazy
My husband just asked me to go lol
His hair natural ain’t it….????????♀️
Well, would she stay if he started wearing weavez and wigs?
Exactly
Well tell him to relax his shit then…tf?
Go ahead and go natural, he will love it
Get a new husband he’s crazy
Tell him how you want his hair cut in a soup bowl
Well tell him to relax his hair.
Welp. Time to sign them divorce papers
Because she fradulently captured the attention of a man and he fell for it?
The f**k? Fraudulent? I didn’t know wearing protective styles over natural hair was falsifying s**t.
Prints of Africa
SOME OF OUR BROTHERS HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED SINCE 1492
Say that girl!
say it louder to the men that where meaves (men weaves) in the back
She can still have straight hair and be natural
I doubt that’s what she’s trying to do. No need for all that heat damage. She wants her natural vines back so that what she should do
ahhh…. well, that is about as natural as I’m gon get…..with the healthy to it.
A partner should always try to make the other happy out of respect u can discuss a change but at no given time should something like that be an issue what ever you like should be his answer hmmnn.
But, it’s YOUR hair though…so it’s your decision.
Sounds like someone is holding your hair hostage. Break free and be YOU!
It’s not your husband choice, it’s yours. Do you, boo
Low quality man
So .. do it anyways ..
Smfh
No cares given Im goin natural boiiii
I guess your husband doesnt want to be married anymore
Some men, not all, are just never completely satisfied with what they have, until it is completely out of reach.????????♀️????????
Surprised by how many are willing to throw away marriage over hair. People have preferences in their mates. This is nothing a discussion with him can’t resolve.
Am surprised by your surprise if it’s just hair, then shouldn’t the man then be least bothered by what she does with it?
Never said let that be your determining factor for divorce. If my husband decides to give up his bald head which is what I like I’m not walking out on the marriage. Each time I leave the shop my hair is different and I’m sure some he hasn’t liked but oh well.
Sweetie, Do what makes you happy, he’ll adjust trust me…????????????
It doesn’t matter
Then you need a new husband. If he can’t accept you for your natural beauty, he does not deserve you.
No man would inhibit me from being my best authentic self.
If he doesn’t like natural hair then don’t go natural. Your hair shouldn’t be a reason for marital problems if u weren’t natural when u guys met.
People are supposed to stay exactly the same as when they met their partners, don’t add or lose weight, don’t have cellulite, don’t have wrinkles….????????????????
Yo, shout it louder for the people in the back!????????????????????????❤
These heifers play too much ????????????
That wasn’t my point. My point is… if her partner doesn’t want her to have natural hair then is it really worth the fight? Or potential fight? It’s about picking her battles.
Really!?????
Yes!
What if her partner doesn’t want her to have wrinkles you know because when he met her 17 years ago she was wrinkle free, should she use botox or just full face lift. You are helping a lot of sisters. We just want to know how to fight this battles so we don’t loose precious husband. Or perhaps maybe just clone herself?
U expressed an opinion and I expressed mine. I’m now natural not because I wanted to be but because my partner didn’t like straightened hair and it created issues in my own home. I also did the whole “it’s my hair I will do what I want, done try to change me, this is who I am… “ guess what, in my own situation, the pressure to stop relaxing my hair got worse and worse and things degenerated into fights. At the end, I decided that peace in my home was much better than being right. It was also draining and a waste of time to keep trying to “get my way” at the expense of a happy home. So I repeat, if it’s not worth the fight… then don’t fight it. I love my natural hair now but it wasn’t my choice to go natural.
NEXT !?
He has low self esteem
Its not his body its yours
????????????
Well then let him pay for your weaves.
It can still be straight naturally do a blow out at the doobie spot. Just a suggestion????
Ignore him and do it.
That’s a clown… there is always one available????????♂️ Real Men love natural hair ????
So I have to suffer from fried, broken hair; chemical scabs, and “momma burnt my ear”PTSD, for your ego?!
Yeah…no.
Then he shouldn’t wear his hair natural…you do you, Boo-Boo!
Yeah… I got one of those. My husband is white. He’s used to woman with long hair. Then there’s me. I used to relax my hair and wear weave all the time. But two years ago I was liberated and started went natural. He doesn’t like when I wear my shorter natural hair (in between styles). He thinks I look better with “the long hair”… But used to complain like shit when I had to get it done.
Wait wait I wanna know the marital status of all the “show him the door” “you’re your own person” “that’s his problem” folks.
Just wanna see something
I don’t give a f**k married or not I ain’t letting any man dictate to me what I can and cannot do kmt respect is mutually exclusive …
Just bcoz u married to a Man U should put up with BS …not today devil lol
Tracey I didn’t say that. However, a healthy marriage has respect, boundaries and adoration for the partner.
TOO BAD. MY HAIR MY DECISION
Divorce him sis
Him expecting you to put chemicals in your hair until he’s dead isn’t fair. He knows you were born with natural hair and should support you wanting to go back to your roots.
I would have copped that from the beginning
Those things you can catch from the start. That’s a huge deal. What else does he have an opinion on in our culture is the next question.
Oh well he doesn’t like himself.
Then he shouldn’t wear his hair natural. ????????♀️ You do you boo.
And you didn’t know this before you married him??? SAD!
My husband gets offended when I say I want to cut my hair off. Like it’s just hair shit it’s hot
Mine at first couldn’t take it. He thought I was wasting money on products. Now he loves it.
Does he not have natural hair, and weren’t you born with natural hair (or is he bald)- idiot!
He doesn’t like himself nor his mama then!!
I guess he wants Becky with the good hair????????????
But his hair is natural so he dislike his hair smh.
You do you. ANYONE who can’t appreciate how you choose to style yourself doesn’t deserve you!
P.S. I know I’m a pasty bitch, but I feel I can comment on this because I have had similar issues. For example, my EX-husband threatening to leave if I got ‘too skinny’ when I was trying to lose the baby weight.
Your man should love you for who you are, if not then he’s not the one for you????
Poor husband! He would be averting his eyes a lot as I walk around with my Sisterlocs ????
Alarm is ringing my friend!
Been there, done that. Relaxed my hair and bleached it blonde because my husband liked it. It was long, past the middle of my back, but it was too much messing about. Then I just cut it level to my ears, got rid of all the relaxer and now it’s natural. I can iron it straight or leave it curly. No more worrying about the rain either! ???? My husband did mention he liked it more before, so I just politely replied “I’m not white…”. That put an end to that issue ????
He doesn’t like natural hair ????. Is his natural?
Be his last .. no man telling me I can’t wear my God given curls. I am a Black woman and love my crown.
My husband likes my hair curly and long. I straighten my hair! He’s not the one who has to deal with it, I do.
Do it anyways, is he gonna die?
Divorce.. cause i would never wanna be married to a man that shallow anyway..
Like it or Leave it. I will not and do not have that kind of time to be trying to fit his image. If I didn’t fit his image when he first met me then keep it moving. I’m a very confident woman either way and I will love my man no matter what and he will love me the same. It’s just that simple ????????♀️
Has he SEEEN all the styles of natural hair? Probably not well informed. There are so many ways for hair to be wonderful. And it’s straight oppressive to require a women to have fancy hair/ make-up/ nails all the darn time. Let him experience all the steps it takes to go through the hair processes.
It’s time to get rid of the husband
After years of being told I had “bad hair” I stopped trying to wear it natural. The first time my husband saw it he said “I love your hair!” It brought tears to my eyes. Your husband should be your number one fan and biggest cheerleader.
Eh. He’ll be alright.
OH GIRL, SO?????
Leave him
He has no say lol
So do what you want, it’s your hair
I love natural hair. As a child one of my best friends in grade school had the most beautiful hair. I tried twisting my hair and it wouldn’t stay like hers did without a rubber band or barrette, and I just wished and wished for her hair. It’s a shame her husband can’t appreciate the things that make his wife feel like the best version of herself.
Sounds like you need a new husband.
That’s his problem. You are married, you are not his property. Do you tell him how to dress? What to do with his facial hair, or hair on his head? You are a human being. It’s your hair. It’s nice that u asked his opinion, not permission. Do you!
Whatever. I do what I want to my hair.
Why do you like your husband, then?
How did he become your husband?!?!?
My husband was the same way. In truth he was just afraid that it would look matted and not cared for. I finally just did it. That was six years ago. It was the best decision I ever made.
Umm, that sounds like that’s between him and his god. Pray on it boo.
So if he doesn’t like natural hair, tell him to do to his everything he wants you to do to yours. Then don’t do yours.
Did he marry you for your hair?
Break up lmao
Ta hell wit yo husband! Do you!
Yo hair Yo business!
Tell dear ole hubby to ????????
Good he doesn’t have to wear it!
She’s with the wrong man.