I Want To Go Natural But My Husband Doesn’t Like Natural Hair

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Husband says: Baby, what would you look like with straight hair?

A month later husband says: Babe, when you gonna straighten your hair again, I really liked it?

Husbands mom says:He isn’t saying, that you have to put chemicals in it, he is just saying he prefers your hair straight, that is not alot to ask. But all I am saying and I am not forcing you, but it would be just easier if you relaxed it.

This problem does not get old, it hasn’t disappeared despite the strides we have made in natural hair. We see women every single day taking the plunge and going natural.

They are happy, they are eager and they bombard us with questions just trying to gain some insight into this amazing journey that many of us have been on for a while.

It reminds some of us of just how special going natural is and whether you are relaxed or natural you have to admire the courage it takes for some women to step outside of their comfort zone and embrace a new lifestyle.


But not woman is on cloud nine, some might want to take the plunge but they do not have the support they need at home especially from their significant other in order to do so.

They do not have a husband, boyfriend or significant other who support their natural hair journey with open arms, support and love or even any one to give them that extra push they need when things get hard.

Even today, in 2014 there are women of color who are facing hostility from their husbands, boyfriends and significant others for wanting to go natural or for going natural.

They even experience moments of denial where they will balk at the journey and even swear they love their relaxed relaxed hair but are secretly afraid of what their spouse who are used to straight hair would say if they ever crossed over. We want to take a shot at tackling this issue once and for all, this is for those women who are suffering in silence with a man who is turning their back on their desire to go natural.

Acknowledge the importance of your appearance to your man

Many of us turn our nose up and say, it shouldn’t matter what he thinks, after all we are all grown we can wear what we want and have our hair the way we want. The truth is we should, but there is no denying that you want your man to appreciate the way we look.

We want to feel sexy for ourselves but we also want our guy to be proud of us even if we are so proud of ourselves that we have very little room for someone else’s appreciation.

Originally posted 2014-07-10 15:00:50.

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About Sabrina Perkins


Hello all, I'm Sabrina. I'm a freelance writer and a full-time blogger at my site, http://www.seriouslynatural.org/ where the focus is on Natural hair, beauty and style. I became natural 8 years ago at the tender age of 35 and love sharing my ups and downs as I master this thing called natural hair. Married, with two kids (one being a natural herself) gives me a different perspective on our hair and why I love being natural. I want healthy hair, long hair and sexy hair! I'm an older natural---that's right---I'm grown and sexy, and I have much to share. I love fashion too and recently opened a clothing shop for beautiful black women at www.seriouslynatural.spreadshirt.com

About Sabrina Perkins


Hello all, I'm Sabrina. I'm a freelance writer and a full-time blogger at my site, http://www.seriouslynatural.org/ where the focus is on Natural hair, beauty and style. I became natural 8 years ago at the tender age of 35 and love sharing my ups and downs as I master this thing called natural hair. Married, with two kids (one being a natural herself) gives me a different perspective on our hair and why I love being natural. I want healthy hair, long hair and sexy hair! I'm an older natural---that's right---I'm grown and sexy, and I have much to share. I love fashion too and recently opened a clothing shop for beautiful black women at www.seriouslynatural.spreadshirt.com

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Comments

  1. Tarin Cee
    Tarin Cee

    mines don’t care, he just doesn’t want me to cut my hair, my relaxer is about 12 inches and my natural is about 4 1/2. so I’m doing all this exact work to maintain it all

  2. Jassah Gittens
    Jassah Gittens

    I’m so tired of this topic! You need to reevaluate your relationship if he does not like you for something as insignificant as what type of hair you enjoy and feel comfortable wearing.

  3. Aneesah JustNisa Ansari
    Aneesah JustNisa Ansari

    I think u have to take it into consideration. I don’t like dreads & my boyfriend wanted them. My answer was absolutely not & he respected that.

  4. Kenya Charisse
    Kenya Charisse

    I swear I JUST asked my husband last night if he would mind if I went natural..his answer was absolutely not..as long as I’m healthy and my hair is healthy he’s happy.

  5. Ivy Jackson
    Ivy Jackson

    Most of the men that don’t want their partners natural is because they were wearing weaves when they met and thought that was their hair or liked the way it looked

  6. Kenya Charisse
    Kenya Charisse

    He truly is..anytime I wear weaves or braids he helps me take them out…without complaining..I love him for that lol

  7. Atiya Moore
    Atiya Moore

    I said I want to cut my perm off and grow my natural hair, but I’m nervous. He said cut it. It’s only hair. It will grow back.

  8. Sonia Hazard (NiaMassage)

    My husband encouraged me to go natural, after seeing what my scalp looked like after perming. I’ve been natural for over a year and a half, and he likes it better this way. It’s short, but I love the way I feel in it.

  9. Alexia Whitehead
    Alexia Whitehead

    My boyfriend absolutely hates when I wear a weave, but he respects that it’s my head and I can do whatever with it. That’s the kind of guy you need.

  10. Beverly Colvin
    Beverly Colvin

    my ex liked my long perm.hair i didnt so i cut it and went natural,i love it love it i told him u grow some hair on that bald head and then i will go back to the perm,well he cant and i never will go back.this is my hair and i will wear it as i please.i am team natural.

  11. Kezia Verneuil
    Kezia Verneuil

    I have been natural for 3 years. .and I usedto flat iron my hair..it was long and healthy. .but it began to break bec of to much heat..my ex boyfriend loved my hair..but when I decide to start over. .He wasn’t having it..The sec I walk in the house with a boy cut. He got upset and didn’t talk or sleep next to me.in the end I break up with me bec of that.

  12. Kezia Verneuil
    Kezia Verneuil

    I Felt He Didnt Love Me Enough For Who I was From The inside..I Beautiful With And With Out Long Hair. .now I’m free to do what I love and that’s to be a chameleon

  13. Amelia Farrior
    Amelia Farrior

    Funny my husband and I was just having a conversation on this very topic. He always been team natural even when I wasn’t. I’m lucky he has supported me through my entire journey.

  14. Lynnette Holley
    Lynnette Holley

    My husband wasn’t a fan at first because he didn’t know how it was going to work out. 5 years in he is happy for me, he tells our daughters to do it, he tell his friends too. He is proud of my journey because he saw the process and result. Explain it to your partner. Give them credit you chose them for a reason. it’s a drastic decision yell DIVORCE HIM!!!

  15. Lidia Almeida
    Lidia Almeida

    we blank people shud luv are hair becaus its are nature to have wolli hair and not by ashemed me myself a relax from thime to time juist to mayking isyer on my becaus i have allot of hair if have very strong hair and i couler it becaus its suths my skin couler i only put extentions wanes buth its was e afro my proffesion is hairdresser so i like to change styl .lyck akon en indie song i am not my hair do wath ever you lick aslong that you feel pretty

  16. Nia Hayes
    Nia Hayes

    My husband isn’t a fan of short hair and it took a minute for him to adjust to my natural hair. He now loves it but still prefers it long.

  17. Asha Lewis
    Asha Lewis

    Hmm. Just remind him he didn’t marry you for your hair, show him the versatility of it. Show him that natural is indeed good.

  18. Rose Jackie
    Rose Jackie'Brown Boglin

    My first love hated my relaxed hair. When we met it was short n natural n he loved it. My other ex after him hated my natural hair. So I learned to just stay single so I don’t have to deal w someone else’s opinion. Which is silly cuz it doesn’t affect anyone but me.

    1. Dananana

      I have faith that you will meet someone who cares about you… not what your hair looks like. Shallow people are for other shallow people.

  19. Erica Williams
    Erica Williams

    It was his idea way before I was thinking about it! He got the side eye! He was down when I decided! He even cut off the rest of the perm for me!

  20. Rita Dos Santos
    Rita Dos Santos

    Why are we talking about this! It’s your hair not his and anyway it shouldn’t matter what type of hair you have, if he loves you it should be all of you. My husband loves my kinky frizzy hair and his white lol.

  21. Chyna Mon
    Chyna Mon'et

    The problem is with ppl when they meet someone they might have the long flaunty weave or permed hair which drew their partners attention but later switches to a short tight coiled look which is the complete opposite of the partners attraction to a woman lol.

  22. Deneen Carroll
    Deneen Carroll

    People stop with the natural hair you were born with natural hair, no perm or weave you choose to be lazy and not comb or take care of your hair and yes black women do have long hair. Natural hair is not walking around looking like you haven’t picked up a comb in months , you still curl it wrap it flat iron it and take care of it and style it.

    1. Dananana

      Umm….no. I don’t have to use a comb. Combs damage my hair and keep me from retaining length. The extreme heat from flat ironing is damaging too. I care for and style my hair cute all of the time without the use of either. Voluminous buns, puffs, and updos all the way!

  23. Andrea Johnson
    Andrea Johnson

    Well do your husband have a perm cause if not tell him you don’t like the way he wear’s his hair.

  24. Joycelyn Lanae
    Joycelyn Lanae

    I can see why a man may not want their significant other to go natural. When you date/marry someone you are attracted to their outer appearance and for some men they love their significant other’s hair the way it was. Its a complete change. Just like if I married someone and they were fit and all of a sudden they gain weight and get fat, I wouldn’t like it. Its not his fault that you decided to find yourself while in a relationship.

  25. Anna Ogonji Smith
    Anna Ogonji Smith

    I just cut my hair two days ago! My husband said he was fine with it etc. I know he likes longer hair though. So far so good. It seems like other people were more shocked than him. My thoughts on their opinion were if the man that I sleep beside every night is okay with it, then I don’t care what you have to say. I’ve been known to change my hairstyle a lot anyway, so I think my husband gave up on expecting the same thing for more than a month.

  26. K

    Go natural! ( It’s awesome!)
    1. It’s not his hair 2. He’ll get used to it. It’s an adjustment for both parties. My boyfriend wasn’t happy about my choice to do it 2 years ago and to this day doesn’t like like when it looks too much like a “fro”. He doesn’t mind when it’s up or in a twist out style. Idc either way. He’ll be happy in a couple years when my hair is long and healthy and then he won’t have anything to say because when it finally is straightened it’ll look 10x better than my relaxed hair.
    I’ve also just taken to reminding him that I went natural because I wanted healthy, strong hair and I wasn’t happy with the condition of my relaxed hair.
    If a man truly can’t understand that, I find that kind of pathetic. Boy, bye.

  27. moe

    I just think it is funny how some men consider it a deal breaker…it’s hair! they would prefer to get a gf with no home training, but as long as her hair is laid silky straight that’s more important SMH!

  28. Qhama Kana

    Why did he marry a black woman if he don’t like natural hair ? nha B, my hair is apart of me so you want me or not ?

  29. Kyla Harmon

    I’m probably gonna get persecuted for this but ain’t no woman in her right mind leaving their husband behind a decision to go natural. “Go” being the operative word. Meaning he met her with processed hair and is accustomed to it. That is ridiculous. Men are ignorant when it comes to hair. They like what they see or they don’t. Showing him style ideas and letting him feel included in such a drastic change is a start. There is room for compromise. There is a way for you to still be desirable to your hubby and have healthy natural hair. He will come around

  30. Sissy W. Forbes

    i surprised my husband when i cut off all my relaxed hair. he was like “what did u do?”. he was mad for a while but now he loves it….

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