I swear, I am not making this up! Bullying in the natural hair world is REAL. I am not talking about all the stuff we have been hearing about in the news whether it’s about Ciara’s faux locs not being elegant enough for her upcoming wedding or the last fiasco that surrounded Curly Nikki having a white girl with curly hair featured on her site. I know that has been going on and in some ways that can be bullying too but what I am really talking about this:
“I gotta be called a nappy headed ho and a bitter person for stating my opinion? This is one of the many reasons why a lot of women steer away from groups like this. I don’t degrade anyone in this group, but some so called grown women feel they can. Bull. I’ll be that nappy headed bitter ho that loves her hair and loves all types of natural hair, from any race.”
Seriously? Yes, this came from a Facebook group just a few days ago and the group is a Natural hair group with 99.9% black women so the comments the young lady is referencing are from other black woman who are also natural.
Now, I don’t have a clue what the argument was about and honestly it really does not matter. The point is another woman was chastised on social media in the lowest way imaginable, why she gotta be a ‘nappy headed ho’ though?
I am sure they don’t know each other or have any dealings with one another so why the harshness? To be clear this behavior is 1000% disgusting, the sad part is comments like the one above are occurring daily and is definitly a form of bullying which we should take very seriously.
To be honest some of these groups designed to bring us together in an atmosphere of positiveness are so counter productive that you literally want to scream. Some of us like them and sit back with out imaginary popcorn to see the sparks and words fly off the page, it’s entertaining and about as interesting as the junk reality TV shows many of us are glued to. We LIVE for the drama, for a fight, or for a few choice words to go flying so tempers can start to flare along with insults.
You can get pulled into the nonsense so quickly, but when we are using the same words and calling each other out with the very same ugly names we are screaming about in protest about using and even want folks to lose their jobs over the mere mention, you need step back and reevaluate our sanity.
Oh, I”m exaggerating you say? Well, do you remember Don Imus back in 2007 and his offensive, non-funny, racist comments about the female basketball players from Rutgers? He too called the women “nappy headed hos”.
That stung quite a bit and as a storm began to brew around his callous statements he was eventually fired (although brought back much later) because many black women stepped up and stepped out quite angry at his words. It was disgusting and uncalled for but how often we are the brunt of jokes to some. Oh, that was so long ago?
Ni-Ni Henderson says
I told y’all that this would happen. Darned if you do and darned if you don’t.
Jessie Dobbs says
I have been wearing my hair natural for most of my life and probably the only reason I didn’t get blasted about the dread locks is because they are very small and there were (and have been) so many people asking me how to do them – or if I could their hair like mine is currently . . . But we have to watch out for what we say – and it is NOT just people with natural hair . . . You impose that on children when you are saying “let me do your hair – can’t have you running around like some SAMBO N*GGA” . . . It is completely uncalled for . . .
Natasha Hector Richardson says
This is just ridiculous !!!
Sabrina Richmond Perkins says
Don’t for get sipping our imaginary tea. Lol
When it comes to the natural world and forums I just stick with positive stories and positive people. I have noticed that on any forum where there is a passion for a particular anything you will have bullying. I was just on a site reading about Latino culture etc. and so many people wen tin on the people that have Americanized names or don’t marry their kind or who bleach the dark out their hair, bleaching their skin and not even knowing the Spanish language and even those who refuse to speak Spanish. It was sad to read so many people just going in on a person because of their personal choice.
As for the Nappy headed Ho that is uncalled for and its hurtful. People need to stop calling others outside their name just to feel superior. It makes them look uneducated. You don’t have to be PC all the time, but you should never go that route over something that doesn’t affect you personally. How someone decides to live their life or style their hair isn’t going to affect you personally (unless its a new policy in your job which at that point you have the right to leave that job if you can’t find a happy medium).
There are trolls no matter where you look, where you go, and what you say. It’s sad, but it’s reality.
Sandra Sahara says
Why is this group broadcasting this girls post! Not cool! I know what it’s about cause I’m in the group
Sabrina Richmond Perkins says
There was no harm intended. The post is about bullying and not the person and her name was not mentioned anywhere in the article.
That was my thought too, don’t give the person that said more pleasure in seeing it repeated… Wish the story could have been written without a repeat.
Remember the song lyrics I Am Not My Hair enough stop judging people by their hair.
Jesslyn Hendrix says
Personally, any adjective in front of ‘ho’ should be taken negatively.
Maybe others don’t like using it, but when I describe my hair I use the word nappy. Nobody I know would have any idea what I was talking about if I said 4C and I personally don’t consider my hair to be in any way, shape or form to be curly. Kinky is an okay adjective, but growing up, my hair was nappy, my sister’s was kinky. I don’t think anything of it and didn’t then, except to wish that I could ‘do’ something with it. Nappy or not, I finally can do something with it and am loving being natural.
If someone calls me nappy headed, I’m going to wonder where the rest of the sentence is. If they call me ANYTHING followed by ‘ho’, that’s when we’re going to have a problem.
I have hair that some would call “good” hair (the same people who would call someone “nappy”). To me, it is just hair, and everyone has different hair, it’s just life. It has always been beyond me why people make derogatory comments about another’s hair, why the texture of someone else’s hair is so important. Growing up, I couldn’t stand the extra attention my hair received-to me it was just hair and hurt just as much as anyone else’s when my mom combed it. I’m still the same way. The thing most bullies fail to realize is, the thing they call someone else or point out about someone else negatively, someone else likely thinks the same thing about them. I wish people would just take one another at face value and be done with it-I guess that is too much to ask.
Kelly Jamila says
natural hair bullying? =_=;;;;;
What you focus on becomes your reality. I’ll be glad when people take responsibility and post a positive post for every negative one out there. This is the net; you don’t have to post this stuff and give it more attention than it deserves. If the bullying continues it’s only because you keep reading and giving these posts attention. Stop making it a reality.
Carol Britwood says
Yeah it’s true they are bullying black women into wearing their hair natural. Whether you wear your hair permed or natural it;s you choice to make.
Laura L. Foreman says
I commend BHI for your well versed article on “Natural Hair Bullying ….,” Yes the name calling is obscene, nasty, low down hurtful coming from black women that have suffered long and too much. It has always been the nippy hair problem which led us to run wild to the beauty salons to get perms, so we could have long/short silky hair. Better still.. Good/Straight hair that won over our claim of becoming a Princess to our peers that thought our natural beauty was black and ugly. We were once lost, but with our silky hair we were accepted then. But believe me, we never saw the other racial/unacceptable in your face/behind your back BLACKNESS PROBLEMS coming at us full speed ahead once me made the change with our new FLUID hair. Oh yeah, black women have suffered more than this space can hold in words. I know I’ve been there and did that in this world – always sad and unhappy about such. God know without my husband and my dear mother I would have not made it with all the hate /discrimination/ name calling out there. Today I’m so proud of my blackness trust me after too many years of suffering because of my hair, and other blackness problems …. I have transitioned for two years to a whole other world of black beauty. This is not my first time going natural, but in reality, it’s the first time ever in my life that I have loved, understood and accepted my kinks and curls! Wow! I’m so blessed to have this crown of natural hair to cover my head… I can’t ask for more. I too have tried to untangle this “nappy head HO” dialog but soon found myself in awe of what other women feel about being naturals. It’s scary! Please keep standing up for all the black girls/women that want to know more about being who God made us to be without being ashamed of our selves. Glory, that’s all I can think, as my daughter is reading, learning (you tube) all she can about herself and her beautiful natural crown of kinky/nappy hair.
Tianne Taylor says
I think everyone looks pretty with natural or relaxed hair. if you just take good care of it.. everything should be fine and shouldn’t be a big deal! 🙂 if you are going natural or relaxed journey go for it! You might not be fully natural but everybody have their reasons. some can’t cope with the pain( especially if your tender head like me lol). Just do you and be who you are! the reason I’m saying this is because I know their are some young girls looking at these type of pictures. if you are planning on going on a hair journey you always need to find the right time. right now I’m in high school so its not the right time for me but when I get out that’s the right time lol 🙂 I just want everyone to feel pretty and happy about themselves and your personality matters more than your hair. :))
The bullying is not just name calling. You have natural Youtubers who take time to make quality videos and people make comments that have nothing to do with natural hair or the point of the videos (i.e. “You have a big fo head” ” Your teeth are yellow” “I’m disappointed that your husband is white”. These bullies believe that since you make a video they have the right to say hurtful things. We go out of our way to hurt and insult each other. This really needs to stop. What ever happened to if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all?