It is a hot summer night and you are at your favorite look out spot with your man. You know what’s on his mind but you have a few things you want to get off your chest first.
Well really just one thing, so you decide to take the plunge and ask him the ultimate question. “Boo, we have been going out for a while now, when can I tell your friends and my friends that I am your girlfriend, like for real?’
He looks at you with his adorable brown eyes, takes your hand and says, ‘Boo boo, I don’t think it is time yet, I love you, but I am not in love with you, ya feel me? Now come a little closer and stop with all that talkin!’
What the french toast!?
Isn’t that the most confusing thing he could possibly say? Actually it is not that confusing really. It usually means a couple of things; Either he is not as committed to the relationship as you are. Or he wishes you were someone different and he’s just waiting for someone better to come along and as soon as he finds Miss Better he is going to jet like he stole something!
I know you are sitting there wondering how in the world am I going to tie that into loving your natural hair, well its simple really. That is exactly how I felt about my hair when I first did my version of the big chop.
I loved it but I was not in love with it, it took some time to get there. My hair journey was not a decision I made myself, if you know my hair story. It all started with a perm gone wrong, so I really did not have a choice in the matter.
I had to not only learn how to care for my hair, I had to learn to love it because it was so different for me after having had a relaxer since I was 13 years old. Falling in love with my hair was not easy, there were many fights, a variety of emotions, a ton of inspiration, final acceptance and then that real deal kinda love where you wouldn’t change a thing.
With that said here are a few tips you can use to bring that spark into your relationship with your natural hair:
1. Find inspiration and be an inspiration
This can get tricky, do not just pick any old inspiration, if you are a 4b naturalista get inspired by other 4b natural women. One of the first steps towards acceptance is knowing your own hair type and getting inspired by other women with a similar texture as yours.
There is nothing wrong with admiring a woman with a texture that is completely different from you but frankly there is a fine line between admiring another texture and getting completely obsessed with it to the point of looking at your own hair as inferior.
In addition to showing another woman’s hair some love, get inspired by your own hair. Start a tumblr or instagram, take pictures of your favorite styles and post them so that you can look back at them and even better, inspire others as well.
When you are inspired by your own hair, and you see that others love it too, then you will be well on your way to truly falling in love.
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