I’ve been pondering and pondering how to present this article, I could present it as a reader question then proceed to answer it from the heart with empathy and advice as helpful as can be.
Or I could choose to speak my mind with a clear image of things as they are. I chose the latter.
Recently I received this question in my inbox:
I hate my natural, big, thick hair! I need help.
I’m a very, very young girl. Ten. I know, that’s really young. I’ve firmly told my Mum that I don’t want relaxed hair.
“Are you sure?” She had asked, and I firmly said, “Yes!” Whilst I still don’t, I can’t help but feel insecure. My best friend, who is Hispanic, had long, thick, lush, silky black hair. But she cut her hair. It’s neck length now!I have another European friend with long, gorgeous blonde hair, whilst my ugly hair is stuck at a little below collar bone length.
It’s grown longer, but I wish I was BORN with long hair. I don’t have to do much.My sister was born with long hair, waist length. But she mistakenly got a perm purposely, and now it’s really short. Why can’t I inherit my great grandmother’s genes, and get long, luscious, glossy hair?
It sucks. I wish my hair would grow! Why did God give me thick kinky* hair that’s unmanageable? Why couldn’t he give me straight or wavy long hair? 🙁 Please help me.
Now, my first reaction as is probably yours especially if you have natural hair, is to be appalled that someone so young thinks this way of their natural hair.
Your next thought would probably be that you are not at all surprised that this is happening to the current young generation of black girls. After all we are still living with ‘European’ standards of beauty. Silky hair anyone?
But before being affronted and before we start preaching to this 10 year old child that natural hair is beautiful and that God does not make mistakes and whatever other line that will just compound her cognitive dissonance, lets look at the facts real quick.
Of course there are some things that we the human species are genetically programmed to take note of. A man with strong jaw, broad shoulders and rippling muscles may look attractive to a woman (don’t worry I won’t go all 50 shades of grey on you!) because we take these physical cues that he is a mate who will protect us and our offspring from the dangers of the natural world.
Although many of us live in cities now where the risk of being eaten by a panther are practically zero, we nevertheless continue to see these traits as attractive.
This is a very well written piece. Perception and self-worth will always be relative to environment – we’re all human beings in training!
i agree with the little girl! its not fair! the bible says a women’s hair is her glory, i want lots of it but instead im stuck with the sad excuse for a length hair, while ppl effortlessly have longer ! SMH
Sweetheart, you can grow your hair as long and full as you want to. The choice is yours. There are LOTS of black women with full heads of long, healthy, beautiful hair. I will keep you in my prayers for supernatural growth of your hair…prayer works. God bless you.
LOL thanks may the Lord Jesus bless you,..but i actually don’t believe that! its about healthy growth yes, but then also genetics . when you’ve got it you’ve got it!
Chanika I have wanted long thick hair all my life..My sister and mother had beautiful hair..I had thin short hair,my hair was taken care of ,but it never thicken out or grow until I was pregnant,afterward it thin down again.People allway say we can have long hair ..some of us but not all….I have ask God alot of question and I’ve talked to Him about my hair…I was not disrespectful,because God is Almighty,I just want to know, why not me…….
i do the same i pray about it its growing, just looks like its gonna take for eva! plus the enemy loves to try and stop its growth
Chanika Tian Xin Clarke do not base your life and worth on an old book written by barbaric homosexuals who enslaved our people.. Wake up! You are more than some dam hair. Know thyself!
thanks 4 your concern, but i actually KNOW God 4 myself, trust me He’s all that the bible says He is! and it says He is the Word of God ! St.John 1
Romans 9:20 NLT
No, don’t say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, “Why have you made me like this?”
That’s all well and good to tell an adult but is that really what you would tell the 10 year old who asked this question?
You have to make sure the child understands, the concept.
The Bible, writen by a bunch of homosexuals??? Come on girl, you cannot be serious
Very serious Johanne Elie Jean Noel..i also don’t debate over literature you’ve taken as fact.. Those books in the Bible were voted on just like you vote for a president.. Break the chain on your mind.. Know THYSELF -__-
Pray 4 her faith, amnny have given it up to devils in this day and age! God bless
Convince yourself not me Chanika Tian Xin Clarke..my god isn’t in a book.. He’s dwells inside me.. Good day!
You are made the way you are made. You guys are arguing about foolishness. The Bible isn’t something to be arguing about. It was stated that it’s an old book written by barbaric homosexuals who enslaved our people. That’s not true. The person who said that sounds really DUM!! And children have a lot of questions that relates to why this is this way and why am I like this. They’re children and that’s the questions there going to ask. And please don’t tell them foolishness like what I read above. The Bible is the key of life. Is what we need in order to live.The holy spirit is what dwells in us. And the savior is Jesus. Without the book that is so call “written by barbaric homosexuals” you have no faith, that is true and real ,whatever this Lisa girl is talking about needs to stop. I’m a true believer in Christ and I needed to correct you to make sure you know the truth. I’m 13 years of age and before you go around witnessing the wrong information, check if what you’re saying is valid.
I had straight permed hair most of my life so I don’t want straight hair anymore I don’t want wavvy hair either . I have thick curly lush afro hair . I love and hate my hair but now I’m loving my hair it’s too my shoulders now and I plan on growing it long the longest it can grow and its grown alot since I big chopped . I also know my african culture so I’m proud of my heritage and I don’t see straight or wavvy hair as beautiful it’s pretty but I think curly and kinky is wayy prettier now . My grandma has long thick curly lush hair I always wanted her hair and I can’t wait untill we are hair twins . Most of the woman in my family have long hair so I never envied my friends. I always envied my grandma’s hair . I’m in college . I wear my hair in two buns and love it .
IT is so sad…Hollywood, the media, and the ideals of the world do not see beauty the way God sees it. Embrace your hair young lady. It is beautiful!! We, as humans, tend to have a warped view of beauty because we look at beauty through the eyes of what someone else call beautiful. Some of the most famous people are insecure themselves and cannot lock down on finding or meeting a mate that will love them for who they are and not be so fixed on what they look like. Beauty is more than outward. People will always looks at the outward young lady. But God looks at the heart!! It is who you are on the inside. Look at all of the beautiful things you can do with your hair that some can’t do. Versatility…which is the ability to change your look. Baby girl…you are so lovely and you don’t know it. Embrace it!! You are healthy. Be thankful because some people and kids your age are in hospitals with cancer and don’t have any hair. Be thankful for who you have been made because one day, you will catch the eye of a prince who will see the beauty that God has made in you that reflects outward. You are loved and their is one who died for us not because of how we look, but because he loved us to the point of death. Jesus..take his cue on love. Love is patient, kind, and shows no favoritism unlike people.
But sometimes I feel like the bible was not written for me, as a black person. I mean even Song of Solomon talks about his love with long hair that waved down her back. That is definitely not a representation of me. Just don’t understand why he gave me this hair and no one (of course) can come up with a reasonable response.