I don’t know about you, but to me my hair is like my pride and glory. I’ve always been blessed with naturally thick hair, that grows like wildfire. I decided to go natural in my early 20s because I wanted to get back to the root of my natural curl pattern and texture, and not to mention, relaxers were putting a dent in my wallet!
Most people I knew, and even strangers, embraced my natural hair with positive vibes and reassurance- not that it was necessarily needed, but it did feel nice to hear. By the time I had met my boyfriend, I was in the natural game for 5 years, and yes, when he met me I was even wearing a natural style, with no protective style in, or straightened hair, just a super defined twist out.
So of course, it was fair to assume that he liked my hair, even though we never really had conversations about it, other than me mentioning that it was the reason I was running late for a date because it was going in one direction, and I wanted it to go in another.
He never expressed any distaste in my hair. It wasn’t until we were just casually lounging in one night and he was touching my hair as I was snuggled up to him on the couch, and he asked me why didn’t I straighten my hair. That sounded like a reasonable question so I did not think much of it. I simply told him that I usually straighten it once every 6 weeks just to get it trimmed and that straight hair didn’t last long, especially since I enjoyed working out.
But he went a little further and asked- “isn’t there a way to permanently straighten it?” I was like, yes there is, but I love the way it is now, in its natural form. He then replied and said, “well, I don’t.”
I was totally surprised by his comment, we had been dating for 6 months at this point, and all this time I thought he loved my hair, or at the very least didn’t have a problem with it.
I hate to admit it, but I actually considered getting a relaxer. He had me second guessing my reasoning for going natural, and I can’t lie, I do sometimes miss my silky relaxed tresses.
However, I then quickly remembered how happy I was earlier that year when I hit the 5 year mark of being natural. I mean, that was huge for me! I actually stuck to something I set my mind to, and was excelling in it.
A week later that guy and I broke up. I simply told him that if he didn’t like my natural hair, than he didn’t like me, and to no surprise he didn’t even fight it. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s okay for your guy to voice opinions about what he likes and dislikes, just like I would do the same, but there is a thin line.
Ladies, if you’re dating a guy who has a problem with your hair to the point of it being a deal changer then I think you should reevaluate the potential of that relationship. Trust your gut, that’s what I did.
Tosha Blackmon says
This is dumb.
Senora Brown says
Sandy Lou says
He got to go!!!!
Marcia Gibbs says
Sounds like mental abuse and a form of control.
Lyana Funches says
Sounded like he was looking for an out but couldn’t just be honest and say it wasn’t working.
Cb Sampson says
Deep Condition plz and get a new BF
Michelle Denice Hop says
This dude is so ignorant. 6 months waisted on someone who wanted an artificial woman. Proud if you young lady. My hubby loves me head to toe. He hates when I flat iron my hair. I do it only for length check. If a man don’t love you mind body and soul, your natural you. Then he got to go.
Well I’m not in a relationship but my guy friends love my natural and this guy I have a crush on who is also my friend loves my natural hair as well. If I was in a relationship and the guy didn’t like my natural hair I would just leave him too .
Tina Waters says
Natasha Bossybaby Shaw says
It’s your hair not his
ladee neenah says
Not quite sure where the controlling came in. It sounds like he preferred straight hair, like some prefer curly and some don’t have an opinion about it at all. You didn’t say anything about it being a point of contention between you two, just that when he expressed his preference, you started to second guess yourself.
Denise Ballard-McWright says
I don’t know why men don’t understand and already know its touchy when we as women go natural. Now I am married and my hubby made comment about how long was I going to wear my hair in this style. Mind you for the first 8 years of our marriage I didn’t wear weave because HE didn’t like it! Well after I educated him on that we been cool but men don’t get it. Its my dam hair!
Gwendolyn Carter says
Too bad for him it’s mine and as long as I like it there’s not one person who can try to get me to relaxing again
Mika Sampson Rowell says
I can’t…not for no man
Amber Sandifer says
Wow…. yeah I’m with you… my hair is a part of me and if you can say you don’t like something about me that I love, then we have a problem. I’m so happy my husband loves my natural hair. I was considering flat ironing it one day and he said “No why don’t you just wear it like you always do. It looks great like that.” That made me smile