Transitioning 101 – 10 Tips For Getting Out Of The Relaxer Mindset

Getting out of the relaxer mindset

2 years ago I explored this very topic but more specifically about how I felt about my first relaxer. The question then was ‘What was the mindset behind your first perm?’

The relaxer mindset is real ya’ll and it’s so strong that breaking away from it can prove to be very difficult for many of us. Some of us relaxed so many years ago that the idea of having relaxed hair is our ‘normal’ and having natural hair is actually a bit odd. We are not judging, it’s just how it is for some of us.

I like many others did not know a thing about the hair that naturally grew from my scalp, I had no clue how it behaved, how to take care of it, how to treat it or what products to use. I just knew that at 13 years old I could no longer exist with it and like a rite of passage for many other girls my age, I got a relaxer.

Now that you have decided to transition back to your natural texture, ridding yourself of the relaxer mindset just means opening yourself up to a new way of doing things, new products, final acceptance of all aspects of your natural hair and success in your natural hair journey.

We wanted to compile a list of 10 things you can do to get your mind right for your transition to natural hair, whether you big chop or decide to take a longer route to natural hair, these tips might just come in handy.

1. Product Purge


Do a product purge; you do not have to get rid of every product you own when you decide to move forward with your natural hair, as a matter of fact you might find yourself using a few of your old products later in your journey.

It is all about retail therapy, so pick a day when you need just a little me time, make a small list and get excited about purchasing some new stuff for those coily springy strands sprouting from your scalp.

2. Remove Temptation

Throw out any leftover relaxers to avoid unnecessary temptation. Put it this way you will need the space in your cabinets anyway, so just get rid of the old relaxers, you won’t be needing them any more.

3. Stay Inspired

Follow bloggers and you tubers that talk about natural hair for inspiration and a way to keep you engaged on your new journey. Sometimes it helps to surround yourself with everything that keeps you on track towards your goals.

4. Practice

Practice your healthy hair regimen weekly and styling in natural styles, because it makes no sense to transition to natural hair and not adopt healthy hair practices at the same time.

5. Be Nice

Practice being positive towards your hair, enjoy the stages that you are in by speaking in a positive manner every chance you get. Unfortunately, relaxing our hair for a long time can sometimes lead to negative feelings towards our natural hair, and breaking those mental blocks is a huge part of getting your mind right for the transition.

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About Petra


Hi I'm Petra Lomax , a staff writer and editor for BlackHairInformation.com . I am Jamaican born and raised and moved to the United States in my early 20's. I have a BA in Political Science and International relations as well as an MBA and a Masters In Project Management. I love travel, culture and anything that has to do with creative media and business.

About Petra


Hi I'm Petra Lomax , a staff writer and editor for BlackHairInformation.com . I am Jamaican born and raised and moved to the United States in my early 20's. I have a BA in Political Science and International relations as well as an MBA and a Masters In Project Management. I love travel, culture and anything that has to do with creative media and business.

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sweetteaMary ChatmanAlohalakayQuin YuZandra Y. Molina Recent comment authors
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Conchita Tarver-Smith

I HAVE BEEN NATURAL FOR A YR AND A HALF WHAT CAN I DO FOR MY HAIR SO ITS NOT SO DRY…I HAVE TO WASH IT ATLEAST ONCE A WEEK CAUSE I HAVE DANDRIFF…I DONT DRY MY HAIR ALSO…I AIRDRY MY HAIR…IVE TRIED PUDDING,MOOSE, AND GREASE AND ITS STILL DRY…PLEASE HELP MY HAIR…

Buhle Mfeka

Try a 4 parts water and one part glycerin or honey spritz. They are humectants so they draw moisture from the air. My hair is also very dry and this spray has helped my hair a lot! You can add a few drops of essential oil for a nice smell

Buhle Mfeka

If your hair feels sticky a after using this mix add more water to dilute it. Hope this helps!

Ilesha Sewell

*Make your own non-drying shampoo using 1/4 water,1/4 all natural castile soap,and a small amount of tea tree oil(this is good for dandruff)(Change measurements according to how much hair you have).To clarify once a month,put 2 parts water to 1 part apple cider vinegar in a color applicator bottle and focus on the scalp to get all the build up out.This will ensure that the product is more able to penetrate the hair and work.
*Condition to detangle your hair then use a deep conditioner for 30-60 minutes(Shea Moisture is a brand with good hair masque’s).
*Do the LOC method->(liquid,(distilled water is best),oil(all natural and unrefined it preferred)and cream or switch the cream and oil to make it the LCO method;whichever one it best for your hair.
->IMPORTANT-<:Seal the moisture in your hair to keep dryness at bay!Don't skip this step!Use an oil or shea,avocado or cocoa butter as a sealant.
*Protective styling it optional.
*That spray that Buhle above me wrote is a good one to try.

Conchita Tarver-Smith

THANK YOU…

Leandra Mauricio

do a protain treatment and deep condotion with mayo,egss,olive oil,honey and coco oil put that in several parts and let it be for 2 or 3 hours or all nigth next wash and condition, put a leavin mousture and do some brais or twists

Conchita Tarver-Smith

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH…

Tosha Loucks

I tried, I just can’t do it.

Brittny Roberts WorknProgress

Naw I’ll stick with the creamy crack

Chelsea Crouch

I love my natural hair! its so much longer and thicker then my relaxed hair ever was! <3

Evette Howard

Its ok to relax if u wanna relax!! When going natural you truly do have to change your mindset….

Natasha Orr

To add, you have to be comfortable with yourself because not everyone is going to be accepting to your hair.

Mary Chatman

I agree with your comment Natasha. You have be confident and comfortable in your own skin so when the negativity comes you can handle it.

Nicosia Jones

Thanks, Etavia!

Tee
Tee

I have been natural now for 7 months and I love it! I have to keep my hair short or I will be tempted to relax! If you do decide to relax, it’s fine! Your hair, your choice, your life.

Jessica Bahadi

My hair is too tough. Girls like me need to relax because combing natural hair everyday is a real ordeal.

Chelsea Crouch

youre not suppose to comb natural hair everyday, thats why it so much easier to take care of

Yvette Martin

The beauty of natural hair is you don’t have to have your hands in your hair every single day!

sweettea
sweettea

Use your fingers instead

Morgan Nimmz

^My hair is “tough” and I’m doing just fine.

Sueellen Medina

Relaxers suck!

Natasha Orr

Conchita, try wetting hair,the apply an oil like shea, coconut, tea tree ect., then a leave in conditioner. That will help with dryness! Combing nappy hair everyday is not a good idea!

Shanece Kornegay

I really enjoy my relaxed hair. And personally I love naturals. I think they are both nice. ^-^

Angela DaRocha

I get so tempted to relax my hair, but then I quickly snap out of it…

Sharon Williams-Lester

I love my text lax relaxed hair, because i care for it in the same manor as natural hair… THE BEST PART IS ITS HEALTHY HAS NO Split ENDS, and as grown back a little bit thicker than it was before I started the healthy hair, journey it’s manageable and I can show case it by wearing it down….

Sharon Williams-Lester

I co- wash, moisturize and seal.. I don’t use heat and when I do it’s not direct heat. I do it all and the results have been amazing!!!

Sharon Williams-Lester

Oh! I use essential oils tooo❤️

Sandra Ifeoma Orimilikwe

Relaxing my hair has not crossed my mind and I don’t miss it:)

Alohalakay
Alohalakay

This is the way they all should see things,there is a reason why they don’t accept nappy hair,it’s because the white people told you that it’s not good ,and only white hair was good,so we have inferiority complexes about it.Dominicans are not only mixed and whites,it ‘s a black country,get use to it.

Yvette Martin

Put conditioner in your (natural) hair. Use a wide tooth comb. Makes the process so much easier!

Ni-Ni Henderson

Kudos to those who went natural, but everyone’s hair does NOT respond the same way to water, oils, conditioners, and other things that my make the next person’s hair manageable. If you know what you are doing AND have good genes, you can have long, thick, and healthy relaxed hair. Hair you see is DEAD anyway, so I don’t see why there is such a big fuss over it.

Semendablessed Howard

Morgan Nimmz ( luster pink hair lotion ) great for coarse hair part hair in section comb lotion through each section let dry then fluff with a pick and chose your on style.

Ronnie Harris

Thank God i don’t put it in my hair no more because allll it was doing is growing it and taking it all outtt Now i just wash it and conditions and baby oil in it and comb it out to the ends and my ends and put it in a ponytail and get under my hair dry and it on after i do alll of that i flatlron it ps and

Andrea Simpson-Jones

After going natural, I even had to change my mindset about the protective styles and weaves I wore because I no longer felt right about wearing bone-straight hair. Now, when I do a sew-in, it with hair that matches my natural texture.

Kerimah Rogers

It’s funny how soooooo many Black women are going natural now and finding out what I’ve known for YEARS. 15-20 years ago when natural hair WASN’T IN, I didn’t get perms and I was always looked down upon and talked about in school and always saying I needed a “stronger perm”. But yet, my hair was down my back. I never wanted to perm my hair, but I started a few years ago, knowing that perms are really not good for your hair. Now I regret it.

Michele Bess-Reggie Snelling Jr.

My mom started me extremely early on perms so I never new anything about natural hair and what my natural hair looked like before a perm, I thought your natural hair was just simply wearing your own hair and not the weave. I decide to stop perming my hair December 2012, I wore protective styles up until May 2013 and then I did the BC. I was feeling anxiety for a little while to go outside with my natural hair but I learned to except it and I took the support from the ones who supported me I got thru it and I’m glad I made my decision. I’m am still natural til this day after finding what works for my hair, my hair is almost seven inches. I’m looking forward to see the length May 2014, that will be my one year of actually taking care of my hair, I’m a 4a to 4b and I Love It, very happy!!:)

Zandra Y. Molina

I know that feeling and thought…and did/doing the change.

Quin Yu

I personally didn’t know because my mother always permed my hair before I knew what it was but now I’m almost a year natural and very happy!