Shortly after my move to NYC I knew that it was time to finally bite the bullet, and chop off the rest of my relaxed ends. So within 2 weeks of being a newbie New Yorker, that’s just what I did! However, I wasn’t in love with the way the short twa looked on me, so I quickly installed a protective crochet style. Also, within 2 months I met a new guy and we started dating.
When I met him, I had the crochet style in my hair, which looked like it was basically growing out of my scalp because it was installed so well! During the time we were dating he would comment on how much he really liked my hair, and how good it looked on me.
His affirmations made me feel so great, that I continued to keep the protective style installed (not the same install, but would reinstall every 6 weeks or so).
It got to the point where I would cancel seeing him, or make up some excuse if It was wash day, and I didn’t want him to see my natural hair because I was worried that he wouldn’t like me after seeing my natural hair.
One day, I was chatting with a few of my close girlfriends, who too happen to be naturalistas, and they said that their men love their natural hair in all of it’s various states.
They also said how liberating it feels to know that they don’t have to be ashamed of parts of them, and get wigs* or weaves. Also, they said if a guy doesn’t love your natural hair, or anything about you for that matter, than that’s not the guy you want or need anyways.
That conversation got me to thinking. I guess I never really gave my guy a chance to see my natural hair and it was my own insecurities that I was projecting onto him, to make me think that he probably wouldn’t look at me the same way when he say my natural hair.
So, I decided to cancel the next crochet appointment install and wore my hair in a diffused wash n go on our next date, just to finally face it and see how my boyfriend would react to my natural hair- and he loved it!
He said it fit my face very well, and he couldn’t stop smelling my hair- he said it smelled like juices and fresh berries. And to think, all this time I thought he was going to hate my natural hair, and dump me.
This may seem like I was being a bit dramatic, or extreme, but I know that this is a real issue that many women face. So many women, like myself, are afraid or ashamed to wear their hair out of weaves, or wigs* because of what others might think-whether you are a relaxed or natural.
And if you are reading this, and it is you, then I challenge you to leave that insecurity in 2015, and embrace all of you, which includes your hair.
I had to read this article seriously, I was just on the phone with my friend! Girl, it can be hard getting over hair stereotypes especially since you were in the beginning stage of a relationship. I am so happy you took the courage to just be yourself and not hide behind a hairstyle. If he didn’t accept you – walk away.
I’m in the same kinda predicament. I’m going to keep wearing protective styles until my hair gets a length that I am comfortable with
I have worn the wigs and weaves and one point thought that I could only be accepted if I continued to wear the weaves. Well NewsFlash, the three years I made it an excuse that I was protective styling did not allow my hair to be healthy and I literally had to cut off about 3 inches of hair to get back on my natural hair journey. It is not easy but keep telling yourself you are beautiful with or without your natural hair. God doesn’t make mistakes.
Now, my fiance has seen my hair natural and weaves, but the problem has never been whether a man accepts my natural hair or not. The problem has always been me. I have to learn that I am beautiful, hair does not define the person I am and let the all the negativity and hate I have been carrying with me in 2015 go!!!!
So, its 2016 and I am rocking my puff with the fierceness, head held of up high and no care or thoughts whether anyone likes it but me : ) Working progress but everyday I just think back and laugh about the insecurities I had… truthfully no one cares whether you hair is long, short, natural or a weave as along as it look good (whatever good means lol!)