Would You Be Offended If You Were Banned From A Wedding Party Because You Wanted To Wear Your Natural Hair?

bridesmaids

Just a few days ago, I went to lunch with my best friend so we could do our weekly catching up and gossiping. As usual, we ended up on the ever-present topic of annoying co-workers.

My friend works with a young woman, who we’ll call Sheila, that is getting married this summer, so she’s been driving the office crazy with nonstop wedding talk. On top of that, Sheila is a bit of a bridezilla and has been constantly talking about what she’ll do if her wedding isn’t perfect–this includes how the bridesmaids look.

My bestie let out a long, exaggerated “giiiiiiiiiirl” and I knew whatever she was about to say was going to be nothing less than foolish.

“Sheila said her bridesmaids cannot wear natural hair to her wedding! Can you believe that?” I could.

“Apparently it’s ‘not presentable’ and ‘too nappy’, whatever that means” Are you serious?

Here I was, willing to give Sheila the benefit of the doubt because I know how stressful wedding planning can be, and then she calls natural hair “not presentable” and “nappy” and proves to me that she just might be crazy.


My best friend continues stating her feelings about the whole situation, but then she says something interesting; she says she wouldn’t care if she got kicked out of the wedding party because Sheila could do whatever she wants–after all, it is her wedding.

At first, I assumed my friend didn’t feel particularly offended by it because she is relaxed and wears sew ins most of the time, so she wouldn’t be one of the women excluded (hypothetically) from the wedding party. However, she’s right! Sheila can enforce whatever rules she wants at her wedding.

For the first time during the conversation, I felt myself being conflicted on my point of view. I am proud of my crown of natural kinks and curls, and I wouldn’t change how I look just to make someone comfortable. I also won’t tolerate anybody talking down on my appearance.

However, I don’t know this woman and I’m not even going to be in the wedding either way. Plus, I’m just not willing to impose my views and beliefs on anyone who doesn’t want to embrace them. That’s just not my thing.

What do you think ladies, was Sheila wrong to ban naturals from her wedding party? How would you feel if you were in this situation? Comment below!

About Patrice Lechelle


Hi! My name is Patrice Lechelle, I'm a college student born and raised in Northern California, and I just recently started embracing my love for talking about all things fashion and beauty, especially hair. Throughout the years, I've tried my best to have a hand in both performance and visual arts, but creative and journalistic writing have always held the key to my heart. My hair became the unlikely teller of my story once I realized that every up and down in my life could be seen through my locs. From hard times leading to short cuts to purple hair ushering in my rebellious streak, my hair said it ALL. My goal is to use my knowledge and experiences to give my fellow Black women the best help, tips, and encouragement I can offer.

About Patrice Lechelle


Hi! My name is Patrice Lechelle, I'm a college student born and raised in Northern California, and I just recently started embracing my love for talking about all things fashion and beauty, especially hair. Throughout the years, I've tried my best to have a hand in both performance and visual arts, but creative and journalistic writing have always held the key to my heart. My hair became the unlikely teller of my story once I realized that every up and down in my life could be seen through my locs. From hard times leading to short cuts to purple hair ushering in my rebellious streak, my hair said it ALL. My goal is to use my knowledge and experiences to give my fellow Black women the best help, tips, and encouragement I can offer.

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Comments

  1. Alicia Finny

    I wouldn’t be offered. If you don’t like the way I am, wedding or not, then we don’t need to be friends or involved me in the wedding party.

  2. Mimi Pombear

    Yes, I would be because that is saying that you don’t accept me as me and I don’t think it is acceptable to dictate to someone how they should wear their hair.

    1. Lucia Taylor

      Yes you should be able to tell members of a WEDDING PARTY how they may dress or wear hair. Wedding parties are MAINLY based upon THEMES. Especially those in which a LOT of money is spent. If someone has a ROMAN EMPIRE theme. Then AFROS are out and TOGAS and WREATHED LAUREL CROWNS are IN. If someone has an AFRICAN TRIBAL THEMED wedding, then KENTE CLOTH and BRAIDS, AFROS and HEAD WRAPS are IN…IF you don’t want to take fashion instructions or special requests from the BRIDE, you are correct! You may SIT DOWN IN THE CONGREGATION with the REST of the ONLOOKERS as the BRIDE and her GORGEOUS ENTOURAGE makes their JAW DROPPING ENTRANCE. Smh…

      1. Mka

        Natural hair isn’t a hairstyle though, it’s hair in an unaltered state. So, if I were in the wedding party of a Greek themed wedding, I would style my natural hair in some kind of cute Denver tuck and wear my laurel wreath. If it were African themed, I’d get some braids in. I get your point though, the Bride is queen. What she wants, she gets.

  3. Lainé Blaise Ronaldia

    well, i wouldnt be offended, id say giiiirl f**k uour wedding anyway, but then if she dissed my hair, id go off on her n make her feel how how dumb n stupid she sounds, mind you, ur daughter will also come out with nappy hair… n if she a caucasian co worker, id leave it at: girl f**k u n ur wedding

  4. Erica Ransom

    What someone else wants for their wedding shouldn’t bother you. Consider yourself lucky, save your money, and find a new friend.

  5. Celeste Jackman

    Honestly? No. Because if me and my hair arent accepted then its not the place or wedding for me to be at. As authors friend said, its her day.

  6. Artra Veal

    I wouldn’t be in that wedding party if I couldn’t wear my hair natural. I wouldn’t even go to the wedding.

  7. Vedejah Scroggins

    My grandmother hated my natural hair she thought I should perm it “baby it’s all the way down your back and so pretty when you curl it” “I know meme but it was falling out its not falling out anymore” “I know baby but it was so pretty” “thank you meme” she passed in December and I straightened it out for her funeral because that’s what she wanted for me now any old woman I just work with and pretty much have no personal connection too no I ain’t straightening it ill curlform it or pin it up probably but straighten no unless she wants to pay the 200 to have it straightened where I know it won’t be damaged and drive me cross Texas to get it done and feed me to and from sure I’ll straightened it lol

  8. Ebony Rivers

    I love my friends, and believe they would tell or let me know what their vision is for their wedding party and at that point I would discuss with them how they would like me to look. Because at the end of the day it’s their day and if I care about them enough to agree to be in their wedding than it won’t bother me to either temporarily straighten or wear a wig if they would like all their wedding party to wear their hair in a style my natural hair just wouldn’t achieve…like I said, it’s their day and if you love them enough to agree to be part of it, altering something as minor as your hair to help them achieve a particular look to be part of their perfect day…I don’t think it’s asking a lot….now if she’s just being a straight up BRIDEZILLA, I would leave and take my wedding gift with me!! it’s all in how you present it to me.

  9. Eleanor

    If that’s what you think of the way hair grows out of my head, then fine! I understand if you want everyone to have the same hairstyle, but I am most certainly NOT relaxing my hair to be in your wedding. (Not sure if I even want to come after that.) Wherever I go, my natural hair is coming with me!

  10. ladee neenah

    If we couldn’t compromise, then oh well. And by compromise I mean wear my hair in a stretched style, which is how I wear my hair most of the time anyway.

  11. DelicateNivea

    At the end of the day it is Shelia’s wedding and her opinion. HONEST MOMENT – EVERYONE DOES NOT LIKE THE LOOK OF CERTAIN TYPES OF NATURAL HAIR. Let’s really get over this issue; also if my friend doesn’t like how I style my natural hair, that doesn’t mean they’re NOT my friend or accept me for who I am, it simply means they don’t like that style. There are styles that my Father likes on me and ones that he doesn’t, does that mean he loves me any less, NO! Women, naturals or whatever please STOP making a big deal out of nothing. It’s starting to become childish. This shouldn’t even be an issue. I’m sure the naturals in her part already know her thoughts and if not they’ll find out and will have to make a decision. A real friend would put aside her personal feelings and alter her hairstyle for a day with a wig or sew-in, for a day is not going to kill you. If you can’t put your feelings aside for the happiness and pictures for someone else’s day, then either sit your grumpy tail in the audience or don’t come. At the end of the day, she’s getting married and will have the pictures she’s paying for. As for her response or reasoning she needs to be exposed to ALL natural hair styles; but honestly some do look unprofessional to what we have been fashioned to know are “professional” and some look “nappy” aka matted like nothing was done to it. Just my thoughts~ #happilynaturalfor4yrs #wearsweavestoo

  12. Dania Coleras

    not your wedding get over it

  13. Michelle Freeman

    It’s a wedding, not work, you’ve just been given a free pass not to spend money that you require for something more important in your life on a one-day show … which is all that a wedding is, a show.

  14. MsCurlyKat

    I wouldn’t be offended. And, I hope they wouldn’t be offended when I chose not to change for them and therefore not participate. Then too, I probably wouldn’t care if they were, because being banned tells me how they really felt all this time about how I wear my hair.

  15. Katherine Moore

    Nope. Because to me that means as your friend you don’t respect the choices that I make regarding my life. Would not want to be In your wedding if I can’t be myself, not who you want me to be.

  16. Candace Nelson

    No. Style your hair the way they want or don’t be apart of it. I would straighten my hair for a wedding but never relax it.

  17. Tanya Betton

    No, it’s her day and that’s what is important. Everything should be as she wants and a true friend should get that. It’s not a personal attack.

  18. Candy Johns

    I noticed this foolishness tends to happen when the parties involved want to make their wedding ceremony a “production” instead of a sincere and humble moment in their everyday lives. Don’t worry with my hair. Don’t worry about me messing up the “look” and symmetry of the wedding photos. Worry about how yawl are going to make a success of your union. . . because when that sh*t gets real . . .

  19. Carla Morgan

    As long as you don’t turn up in white then their should not be a problem . Plus natural hair is beautiful

  20. Wyeisha Melyssa Bryant

    I would have to wonder how much she actually loves the person she’s marrying. First of all, as a woman who succumbed to social miscues involving my hair and finally grew out of it, I would never do that to another woman. Second of all, you would do that to a friend? Then you’re not a friend to her! Lastly, I could find other places to be if you gonna be like that. Not gonna stress…

  21. Josette Goodridge

    Why is this even an issue for the bride? If people had long bouncy curls, would it have been an issue? But anyway, I would’ve let her have her wedding and kindly ask to leave the bridal party.

  22. Tasha P

    I have a friend who’s in a wedding who was told she’s not allowed to cut her dreads because the bride wants all the bridesmaids in buns. There a few with twas. I’m sorry but you will not dictate to me what I can and cannot do to my hair…

  23. Cecilia Jasper

    If they can’t accept the full natural of me, I wouldn’t want to go anyway. See you around chick. I’m there when you need me…JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON’T NEED ME….

  24. Jai Bacote

    I would not be offended at all however, I would downgrade our friendship to a “hey girl! You still alive” once every 6 hrs association . Man listen, ur wedding is suppose to be the union between two ppl. Having guests there to share ur moment is NOT needed but, it is beautiful.

  25. Rikayah Johnson

    Nope, that would just let me know that my friend (bride or groom) doesn’t value me as I am. So I’m not going to be in your wedding party nor am I attending your wedding

  26. Olympia Ortega

    I’d ask her if she required that none of the other bridesmaids wear their hair natural, or is it only the nappy natural that’s not allowed.

  27. Harriet carlock

    Look we all beautiful black ladies. I think natural is more healthy. Than relax hair , I been natural going on two years now. And my hair is soft and beautiful, and mentioned it’s long and healthy. By with your friend. Never let someone else define who you are. Wearing your natural has a lot of good health benefits. When we relax our hair. We are opening up our bodies to a lot of cancer, disease, perms has a lot of chemicals in it god bless. Being a wise woman is better than being a foolish woman.

  28. Lena Webbe
    Lena Webbe

    I wouldn’t be offended and I hope she wouldn’t be offended if someone commented to her about her narrow minded decision.

  29. Atoysha Toy Wells-Bassene
    Atoysha Toy Wells-Bassene

    nope. would not be offended since it’s her day, BUT….she can give me the money so I can get my hair done the way she wants if I don’t don’t know how to do it myself

  30. Dylan Travis
    Dylan Travis

    I would be upset but I would also laugh because I only go to wedding things to get yummy food and drinks so it doesn’t matter.

    1. Sophronia Sang
      Sophronia Sang

      Pretty’Memee Levias Definitely a troll. I am so sorry your life didn’t turn out the way you expected. I am sorry you have yet to overcome your failures and other shortcomings in your miserable existence. May you one day find that peace you so desperately seek. Until then, f**k off!

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