The other day we received an email from one of our readers and after talking to her a bit we asked if we could share it with our audience in hopes of getting even more advice on the topic. Here is the email:
hi BHI I need some help. I have been natural for 1 year now and i love it but my husband hates it! he says that he finds natural hair ugly and he refuses to make love any more with my hair looking like that. I wear a wig* most days and I have to keep it on in the bedroom too but I want to give it up now and just have my natural hair. what do I do???
When we read the note we had two thoughts – How does a man in this day and age still have a problem with the natural hair of his woman? After all what does he think is growing out of his own head?
Then we thought that she isn’t the only one with that problem, because even though she was brave enough to ask the question, there are still women out there dealing with natural hair ridicule on a daily basis from the people they know and love.
The first piece of advice we had was open communication, find out from hubby why he does not like natural hair and we told her to be very clear that his feelings makes her feel bad and that he should respect her decision to go natural.
The second thing we wanted to drive home to her and anyone in this situation is that you should never have to compromise the things that make you .. you. Natural hair is not a choice; in other words, regardless of what you do to your hair once it leaves your scalp –perm, color, cut, cover it up with wigs*, it will always grow out with your own unique curl pattern.
We spend a ton of time talking about the aesthetics of hair, and all the different things you can do to make it ‘look’ better or different. At the core of all of this rhetoric is the fact that you must appreciate the foundation, where it all began. Your naked hair the one you were born with is not something you should have to hide!
Black men who do not appreciate our natural hair also do not appreciate their own natural hair and the conversation is deeper than what they make it out to be. In other words it is not just about you so the compromise should not come just from you.
We do not know the intricacies of anyone’s relationship but generally if your man refuses to be intimate with you because of your hair, there might be deeper issues to explore. The best thing to do is to approach the topic openly with 100% honesty so that both of you can find out the real issue and move on from there.
Finally you have to wear your natural hair with confidence, style your hair, put on make up if that is what you are into, dress nicely, do what makes you sexy for you.
Confidence is a powerful thing, it can change a person’s perception of you without you ever uttering a word. Strut your natural hair and own it in a way that makes you feel good because at the end of the day you are not doing anything wrong other than loving who you are.
We really want to give the most constructive advice to women who deal with this daily, so weigh in, what would your best advice be to this lady and her husband? Comment below!