Can A Big Chop Ruin Your Relationship?

baldMy best friend and I were walking to the mall, and I really wanted to compliment her on her new look. “Girl, I love your TWA! It’s looks so good on you and I love how it brings out the beauty and features in your face,” I gushed.

She replied, “Oh yes hunny! I had to let that relaxer go. I feel so liberated and ready for this new chapter in my hair journey.”

I asked her, “Girl, I know your boo loves it, right?”

Her excited shrills immediately changed to a somber whisper, “Tina…he dumped me…I guess he only wanted me for my waist length hair.” I was completely shocked and speechless. But I wanted to support and encourage her in any way I could. So I gave her a loving and caring hug, and let her know that she is beautiful no matter what! But that had me thinking for the rest of the day, ‘Can a woman’s decision to Big Chop really affect her love relationship?’

What is The Big Chop?

We all know what the big chop is: it marks stage one of your hair journey, where you make an attempt to rid your hair of the relaxer by cutting it, and allowing your natural hair to grow out to great lengths. Big chops can also happen if you already have natural hair, and you just feel like starting over for something fresh and different.

Not everyone thinks big chops are cool though; some might go as far as to think your man did you wrong, and you chopped your hair off to let go of the past. Others might think that you are having a mid-life crisis, and your long hair was holding you back, so you finally let go.

Then there are those who think you are completely sick and crazy, and that you have completely lost your mind. But hey! Not everyone is going to love all of your decisions; there will be unwanted opinions, rude comments, and blank stares – but who cares, right?

The truth is, it’s easy not to care about the comments of those people we do not have to see everyday especially when those cruel comments and harsh statements come from the one who should support and encourage you always, like your man.

After all, we enter into our love relationships with relaxed, texlaxed, or maybe even extensions and weaves. Our guys may not have had not had the chance to see us with our natural hair.

Originally posted 2014-10-04 15:00:08.

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About Christina J

Hey there! My name is Christina J. I am a healthy hair advocate and have been natural since October 2012. In June 2014, I decided to start my blog, Desire My Natural! to document my hair journey and other fun topics (family, health, inspiration, more). As I share, help, encourage, and support others in their healthy hair journey, I am continuing my own.

About Christina J

Hey there! My name is Christina J. I am a healthy hair advocate and have been natural since October 2012. In June 2014, I decided to start my blog, Desire My Natural! to document my hair journey and other fun topics (family, health, inspiration, more). As I share, help, encourage, and support others in their healthy hair journey, I am continuing my own.


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  1. Steen How

    I honestly was a little scared to tell my man of my BC, because my relaxed hair was APL. But when I told him, he surprised me by saying, “You doing it yourself, going to the barber…or can I do it?” Like I said I was surprised! I am so blessed to have him in my life. And he supports me no matter what I do to my hair. As long as I look presentable, he will always see me as Steen 🙂

  2. Pamela Smith
    Pamela Smith

    He dated you for your hair?? Superficial much? Did you break up with him when he went to the barbershop last saturday because men big chop every 2 weeks!??!?

    1. Asiel

      Lol! @ “Men big chop every 2 weeks”

  3. Kitty Larue
    Kitty Larue

    My husband helped me cut it… So i agree with you ladies if he leaves because of it he wasn’t the one

    1. Tonia

      My hubby cut my hair for me too. I was happy to have him be supportive of me.

  4. Sherrie Wise
    Sherrie Wise

    I think it could, I didn’t do the Big Chop, but I Have noticed out of the males I known for Years some prefer when I have weave in. N others, one in particular gets Pissed when I have a protective style or weave. I don’t talk to Any one that can’t be seen or doesn’t like the hair that Naturally Grows out of my head. LOL.

  5. Shynell Parris
    Shynell Parris

    My wonderful husband encouraged me to cut it all off because he saw my daily struggle with relaxed over processed hair! What a difference if anything our love has truly grown because he appreciates my natural beauty and I love him more for loving me!

  6. Dawn Williams
    Dawn Williams

    Hair determining the outcome of a relationship….if you share bill’s, gas prices, cost of leaving….& it all comes down to the hair,,; he was their for the benefits only.

  7. Lisa Turner
    Lisa Turner

    A woman’s hair doesn’t define who she is. If long hair is a requirement to be with him then chuck up the ✌️

  8. RJ Magee
    RJ Magee

    Yes if you guy no longer thinks your attractive! I preferred to transition, the big chop isn’t for everyone.

  9. Meeka Elba
    Meeka Elba

    Oh please! If a damn haircut ruined it then it wasn’t THAT strong to start. It’s only hair people

  10. Fatima Bey
    Fatima Bey

    if the big chop can ruin your relationship you probably didn’t have a good one to begin with, what your hair looks like shouldn’t matter, especially if your doing this for yourself and not for anyone else it’s really about loving who you are, and if you love it and he doesnt thats a problem, though you do have to consider your Spouses opinion, it probably wasn’t good to begin with if a hair change can ruin the relationship

  11. Erica Kelly
    Erica Kelly

    I preferred to transition the second time around. I big chopped the first time and frankly I found that look unattractive on me and promptly began wearing wigs. My current man met me while relaxed. When I announced that I was going back to natural hair he was concerned that I would big chop and look like my old pictures. Once I told him I was going to tradition he was cool. Men are visual plain and simple. Would you be attracted to him still if he drastically changed his look to one that you didn’t find appealing? I’m not saying the relationship well end but I can see how issues could arise if he now finds you unattractive with a twa.

  12. Chaneda Diggs-Crocker
    Chaneda Diggs-Crocker

    Let’s cut the men some slack….I had locks and wanted to grow my hair out and cut them and my husband was fine with the natural hair as long as him and I didn’t have the same hair cut lol(his words) I transitioned so I didn’t have to big chop , men are visual creatures and if he doesn’t find short hair to be attractive you can’t crucify him for it. Find a compromise before I do anything drastic to my hair is speak to my husband first

  13. Brittney Amera Cruz
    Brittney Amera Cruz

    My husband wanted me to go natural. He loves it he hates weaves and braids. I’m not liking it now but I know I will when it gets my desired length. Not much I can do with now. His hands stay in my hair now pulling on the curls until he falls asleep lol.

  14. Brittney Amera Cruz
    Brittney Amera Cruz

    Oh yea when we met I was relaxed and always had a fresh weave. So he loves me regardless. I didn’t know he didn’t like it until I brought it up.

  15. Takikyacst Godluvme Phillips
    Takikyacst Godluvme Phillips

    I been with my husband 15 years I world never make myself physical unattractive to him if I can help it . He prefers long hair so either I get quick weaves to play with short styles or I weave it up occasionally when I go a little shorter .Unconditional does not mean Straight up do what you want and disregard your partners feelings

  16. Avita Cunnikin
    Avita Cunnikin

    ONLY!!! If his biggest concern is ur hair and not U!….da fathr of my child lluuvvddd my head bald he hated whn my hair grew back, lol

  17. Deondra Davis
    Deondra Davis

    Your relationship wasn’t real if a big chop ends it! Your man should love you no matter what!

  18. Crystal Hamer
    Crystal Hamer

    This is sad. For the men…what’s the obsession with long hair down someones back? Realistically most AA women dont have hair down their back. So am I hearing that men are really using a women’s hair length to determine whether to stay or go? That’s pretty shallow. Women, are you really altering your HAIR to meet a man’s standards? And natural hair being “PHYSICALLY UNATTRACTIVE”? Really?

  19. Kitty Larue
    Kitty Larue

    It honestly has nothing to do with disregarding his feeling, yes men have opinions, and yes you submit yourselves to those opinions when married, but a man who does not support you as you support him is probably not the one, before i considered the big chop…i prepared my husband for months and showed him different styles because my husband likes long hair, but after preparing him and him seeing how unhappy i was with my hair and then the clencher my husband helped me wash my thick long hair and it took almost an hour to wash alone he was down lol… A relationship is give and take

    1. Thick Nette
      Thick Nette

      You prepared him. That’s the key. He didn’t come home and see you big chopped. What a surprise that might have been

  20. Moreblessing Kaay
    Moreblessing Kaay

    for shallow minded lovers who only love you for your appearance more than who you really are in the inside. big chops are sexy for most if you ask me.xx

  21. Tanya New Start
    Tanya New Start

    Its funny when people say your hair shouldn’t matter or your weight shouldn’t matter. Everyone has likes and dislikes. The person your with may be turned off by your big chop or weight gain. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person it just means you changed something about yourself that they loved. You should both be able to talk about what is bothering and if you love each other try to find some common ground and/or a way tjat both of you can be happy. Him saying its over because of the big chop or you saying its over because he doesn’t like it sound a little silly to me. Talk and work it out. I don’t think its fair of us to look a certain way and then just make a major change and then tell him he doesn’t have a say. He loves your hair, what’s wrong with him wanting you to keep it that way. Truth be told men have always loved being able to play with our hair.

  22. Theresa Marie Bryant
    Theresa Marie Bryant

    If its really what u want and feel u need to do, cut that relaxed damaged ish off! Lol. It’ll grow back and in the meantime he will just have to deal with it

  23. Sheron Brathwaite
    Sheron Brathwaite

    Hair is just that, hair. It will grow back. He can get over it.

    Now the weight gain issue… thats a legitimate complaint.

    Hair, not so much.

  24. Rose Q
    Rose Q'Tarantino Boglin

    If it can, the relationship is doomed anyway. My ex loved when I had very short n natural hair cuz he loved the confidence I had to be different.

  25. Thick Nette
    Thick Nette

    I just say prepare your husband for that change! That very low haircut dosent look right on everybody!!! Yes, I said it! Some of us do not have the head or face for very low hair! It shouldn’t determine whether or not your marriage is in trouble though. I’m saying, just prepare him. Why is he shallow for finding a woman with less hair than him attractive? People like what they like.

  26. Buddy Rock
    Buddy Rock

    I don’t know why Women don’t keep their hair natural any dam way it’s so much better when it’s that way but yall won’t take the time to do it so u go out and get that bs and put in it and really ruin your hair just take the time to do your hair and leave it natural it’s looks so much better

  27. Madeleine Elejalde
    Madeleine Elejalde

    It would seem so! Both Ex bf’s disliked me cutting my curly locks. I dident ask for permission, even after I was worn not to. Guess that’s why there both ex’s

  28. Mieshel Jett
    Mieshel Jett

    My husband was fine with my big chop. He was with me when I went to barbershop! Wigs and weaves he hates. Now I’m in the process of getting locs and I still have his support.

  29. Christian Michele
    Christian Michele

    Would you leave ur man if he decided to rock a reverse mohawk? Or if he relaxed his hair down to his back or wore a mullet? Its about attraction. Should it end a relationship? No. But it might cause some issues lol sexually if your partner doesnt find you attractive with a certain style. Man or woman.

  30. Shatera Walls
    Shatera Walls

    No not at all if so he’s not the one. “It’s your hair” my fiancé said. He love me not my hair I’m me with or with out it. He even said “what if you were to get sick and lost all of your hair I would still love you plus its hair it will grow back” what I’m saying is someone who truly loves and cares about you WILL NOT STOP LOVING YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR APPEARANCE!!!!

  31. Sheila Rice
    Sheila Rice

    My husband was upset about me combing fifteen years of dreads out. I promised that I would stay natural. He has seen my progress and it grew on him.

  32. Judith Wright
    Judith Wright

    It shouldn’t and didn’t for me – but out of respect for your man, I recommend a heads up in your intentions.

  33. Jeanette Fields-Watkins
    Jeanette Fields-Watkins

    No. My husband took a day or two, but now he touches my head everytime he walks by. Probably trying to make it grow back, or wiping off greasy hands as he likes to tease.

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