It’s Perfectly Fine To Fail Occasionally In Your Natural Hair Journey

Fake relaxer boxWhat is a failed natural hair journey?

A completely failed no holds barred natural hair journey is one where you have for whatever reason, whether it is a setback or frustration decided to walk completely away from your journey and chemically relax your hair.

We do not consider your natural hair journey a fail if you have a setback, or if you experience breakage or shedding or even heat damage, these are just learning curves. We also do not consider your natural hair journey a failure if you cut all your hair off and decided to start over again.

Know that setbacks and frustration can be a natural part of any healthy hair journey, they are considered the tough love aspects of the journey because when you recover from them you come out feeling slightly brand new, with new knowledge about your hair and about yourself.

Mistakes that you make yourself are the best lessons and they give you the authority to speak on a subject especially if you find yourself in the position to give advice.

Have you ever met a new natural that ‘aint never been through nuthin”? Sometimes they get so excited about their journey that they start to tell you the do’s and don’ts about natural hair without having had some mud on their boots first.

Albert Einstein said “Any one who has never made a mistake, never tried anything new” and believe it or not poor judgment is often what leads to experience.

An experienced natural will have a few horror stories up her sleeve; she however will not consider her hair journey a failure. She might tell you that it’s just a journey of ups and downs with more ups the longer she sticks with it.

Perfect hair journey’s do not exist so don’t let the “I have perfect hair guru” advice fool you, prepare yourself for a few snags along the way that might require a pair of scissors or a long term protective style depending on how bad things get.

In addition to that, prepare yourself for boredom and the need to want to try new things. As women we should allow ourselves the opportunity to experiment switch our style up whenever we want even when it comes to our hair, after all that is what makes us unique right?

Originally posted 2014-02-12 15:00:36.

About Petra

Hi I'm Petra Lomax , a staff writer and editor for . I am Jamaican born and raised and moved to the United States in my early 20's. I have a BA in Political Science and International relations as well as an MBA and a Masters In Project Management. I love travel, culture and anything that has to do with creative media and business.

About Petra

Hi I'm Petra Lomax , a staff writer and editor for . I am Jamaican born and raised and moved to the United States in my early 20's. I have a BA in Political Science and International relations as well as an MBA and a Masters In Project Management. I love travel, culture and anything that has to do with creative media and business.


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Candy Candy

cute color.

Faith Gooden Colwell

Product trial and error. ..twist outs,bantu knot out never turn out right, heat damage, failing to moisturize daily

Monique Kapreme

It’s not failure if you learned from it. The only way to go wrong when going natural is when one becomes weak and decides to relax their hair because they can’t deal with or have patience with themselves.


I agree. Patience is key. One thing that I have learned over the last couple of years is that when first starting out: natural hair is less predictable than relaxed hair. Over time you develop a routine that works for your hair and eventually you can look back and laugh at those lessons learned along the way 🙂

Tracy Icanonlybeme Cannon

I waited way to long to chop off my relaxed ends, I was holding on to my length but the two different textures were so difficult to detangle once I chopped off the relaxed ends I noticed my natural hair is easier to detangle…..lesson learned

Kelly Gill

Consistency with my hair… I went from moisturizing everyday to not at all. Trying to get back at it

Felicia Beentherdonthatnext Forneyl

Stick to the basics mom & em used on ur natural hair back n the day. All that these new products do is break down ur hair texture/structure over time…

Bianca Zy'ierserenitymom Holloway

Findin right product

Shalanda P

Heat damage…started straightening my hair too much

Tenekqua Johnson

Trims are important when your ends are damaged or tangled. I have learned to let them go and realize my hair is growing and will grow back. I have definitely learned healthy is more important that length…

Cherese AllNatural Campbell

Trying out to many products. Smh. I just want a basic product I can use on me and my baby girl hair

Tina Cole

I still haven’t overcome frizz. It’s a catch 22- water hydrates & is the #1 moisturizer but it creates a frizz fest once my hair dries & yes of course I seal.

Patricia Jansen-Balrak

Nice Red Natural Hair

Priscilla Washington

Moisture, moisture, moisture! My hair in the winter is like a totally different head of hair. I have always suffered breakage and strange kinds of shedding (like more in one section) in the winter. This winter I think I’ve finally figured out what to do–supplements and more moisture.

Millicent Carpenter


Chilynn Jones

Natural means your natural hair pattern ….it does not mean chemically free…is that right or wrong ?

When we refer to natural we mean chemical free not necessarily virgin hair. But natural means whatever it means to YOU and you alone. 🙂

Fabi Thomas

My mistake is going back to that devilish weave cause im still not comfortable with my thin hair

Jonelle White

My biggest challenge was cutting heat from my routine and utilizing protective styles

Shotti Dabodii

What do y’all moisturize with? My hair color and texture is just like hers in the pic

Tip Mathis

not having patience and cutting my hair off about 3-4 times. I could have possibly been at shoulder/mid-back length by this time but oh well! going to wait it out this time.

Deondra Davis

Bantu knot on natural hair, worked great during transitioning. I may try again in the future.

Linda Taylor Henderson

I wouldn’t said I’ve failed, I’ve been natural for just under 2 years an was praying that my scalp condition would clear up. I’ve used all paraben and sulfate free products praying once again it would help. Did the BC thinking my scalp needed to breathe. Hair grew back still having scalp issues. Now because I had WLS my hair is shedding something awful, so now it BC time again, but think I’ll keep it short this time. Thought for sure Biotin was a preventative measure against shedding but not.

Tameka Wilson

Try natural african black soap as a shampoo

Andraya Monique


La Tonya Miller

Garlic oil or pills help with shedding..

Mary Welch

Wearing my hair out, trying to make it do what it won’t despite it giving every indication that it was unhappy and suffering. I learned to listen and stop forcing the issue and that even though some products work for a lot of ppl, my hair needs something different.

Keanna Akasha Payne

I try to keep my hair moisturized but I can’t seem to get it right. It feels so dry and rough .mainly in the back of my head where I normally get a lot of breakage. And it doesn’t feel as thick as it used to before my big cut. What do I do??? Help me ladies.

Alisha Marie Berry

Product relaxed twice now staying relaxed lol

Kara Maxwell

Hair is the same as everything else, what works for one doesn’t work for all. Same with my girls hair.

Raysel Mars

This cute

Gayleen Danylle Guyton

I dyed my hair myself and every since, I’ve had more breakage than usual.

Blessedfrom Above

I failed at using the wrong products…finally did some deep research and finally found the right products…hair is doing excellent…stronger, getting longer, keeps moisture and scalp is good…

Martika Pryor

Wat site did yu go on? im tryin 2 start mine bt looks like ima have 2 start wit da big chop..

Melissa Sibanda

From the middle to the back of my head the hair gets soo dry even though I moisturise every 2 days, it just won’t stay soft :'(

Charlene Cumberbatch

Trying tropic island castor oil and going to take vitamin c and zinc tablets

Charlene Cumberbatch

Buying a huetiful steamer aswell. Natural is the only way. I’m trying everythin

Shannon Johnson

Twist outs. I have 4xyz hair ( yes that is a and it does not take well to twist outs . Also I hate having oily hair all day. I wanna be able to touch my hair and jot have oil on my hands…


Lol @ wanting to touch your hair without getting oil on your hands! I’ve become so accustomed to it I just rub it in my hands like lotion 😉



Joy Mitchell

I’ve learned that although henna may work well for some, it definitely doesn’t work for me. I used it religiously for a while and it ended up breaking my hair. So I had to BC and start over again, but luckily, I love cutting my hair, so it wasn’t a big deal to start over 🙂

Robin Pitts

Moisture and I haven’t had my ends cut in a really long time.


Failing to regularly trim is my biggest issue. All my other struggles stemmed from that. Just got a trim and overpaid and got confusing advice about why natural hair may not be for me. But it made me steadfast and realize that them trims on the regular is key whether I use hear regularly or not. I also learned that everyone’s advice isn’t good just because they’re professionals. Unless they’re specialized in natural hair it may be best to take their advice with a grain of salt.


Amen to that! For all the hours of teaching given in cosmetology school, less than 10% of that time is on natural Afro-textured hair. A stylist can learn through experience and industry seminars, but its amazing to me that the formal teaching is centered around straight hair.

Melanie Bowen

Glycerin is a no no in the winter. Silicones help me retain moisture in this artic Chicago winter.

Brittani Michelle

I don’t moisturize enough. Trying to keep my style. smh

Shawnnita Larkins

I went natural thinking that i was going to be able to wash n go my hair everyday… boy was i mistaken!! My hair cannot air drt with out it tangling and matting something fierce o_0 if i don’t set it with at least conditioner…. so in order for me to acheive a wash n go look i have to set my hair in a braid out or twist out to achieve the look….


Shawnnita see my post right below yours, LOL… I so feel ya!


I might end up being a fail. 2/1/14 marked my 2 year anniversary being natural. It has rained just about everyday this month and my 4 BEYOND C hair has been a hot mess. This week I just worked from home as I was tired of everyone (including other naturalistas) staring at my bird’s nest. At age 50 in an executive white collar job, unruly bird nests don’t look cute and hip the way it does on the younger set in hipper job settings.

I’m at the edge about ready to go back thinking to myself maybe natural hair just isn’t for everyone. We don’t have natural hairstylist around here and the normal hairstylist don’t want to do nothing for me except cut me down to a TWA or give me dreds, I’m not interested in either. I went natural to stop shedding / breakage that had gotten out of control. My dermatologist thought my bp meds didn’t like the relaxer. Well I’m still on those meds so if I go back to relaxing the breaking shedding might come back. Basically I’ve got a head full of thick, Angela Davis sized afro hair and don’t know what in the hell to do with it… I have a very important executive business meeting next week so I’m going to have goddess braids put in this weekend. They usually last me about 3 weeks. Guess I will do that every month for awhile until I find some solutions.

My fails are twists outs, braid outs, bantu knots, eco gel… NONE of these things work on my hair in a nice way, they all turn into big old nappy (yes I said the N word NAPPY) afros. Not curly but kinky get the scissors naps! ROTLMAO!!! The only way to get a curl in my hair is to use perm rods or those long bendable rollers (the ones that look like straws) and that will only last 1 day. Only 1 hour if its raining. And I have to re roll it EVERY NIGHT. We are not talking a few rollers, I have to put in about 50!! Too much work… I’m just tired of the hold dang mess… sigh…

Alma Ruddock

Perhaps you should try wearing it stretched and in updo’s for a minute. That’s what I do when I start getting frustrated with my hair. Trust me it happens at every length. Goddess braids sound good too 🙂


Thanks for the suggestion. The stretching is why I’m frustrated. Its been a rainy week and with my hair type as soon as the outdoor wet humid air gets to it, it shrivels back up with in the hour. Even if I do a pony tail / bun the front shrivels and I look fuzzy headed like I just got out of bed. LOL So I will go with the Goddess braids for next week, and pray over this situation going forward. Two years is a long time to turn back now but I’m sooooo tempted. But I believe in giving things a 30 day think over before acting on them so the Goddess braids will give me a cooling off period so I can think it through. 🙂

Raven Marie

I over moisturize. I have 3a/3b hair and that leads to more co-washing than I should be doing since my hair already holds moisture. I just love shine lol

Lozette Clemons

My main problem is letting my scalp get really dry.

Rutendo D. Magwenzi

I fail all the time


I’m a newbie natural diva, I have nit made it to my 1year anniversary as of yet. But my journey has been somewhat frustrating due to the fact that I am also dealing with what I think is some type of alopecia that is in the crown of my head and also thinning areas that flow from my crown to one side of my head which makes it very difficult to wear any type of styles. My hair has very good length and fullness in the back but the front is thin and short. I’ve decided to try the black castor oil and messages until I reach ny 1 yr natural anniversary before seeking any medical advice/ help. So I pretty much do wigs but I see other naturals and the beautiful hairstyles they’re rocking and I want the sane thing for myself so I’m constantly frustrated and question myself if it’s worth all the hard work with my hair regimens and etc. :/

Andrea Leflore

Understanding that hair care is to be done daily. This could mean moisturizing tHe hair. Also what works for one person may not work for me.

Michele Bess-Reggie Snelling Jr.


Jamila Kelly

That not getting “the big chop” and taking your boyfriends advice that you can go natural without it and with relaxed ends Is a baaaaaaaaaad idea.

Jamila Kelly

Needless to say I didn’t want the chop so after months of torture I finally relaxed again. Still dealing with slight broken hair

Delnika Payne

Clipping my ends i hate to but i have learned my hair loves water