I was watching youtube like I usually do every night and I came across a video by Ambrosia Malbrough who was talking about texture acceptance.
She kind of went over her hair story pretty quickly and made note of the fact that since her big chop and throughout her natural hair journey, over the years she has become very aware of some of the changes she has gone through from her big chop in 08 until now with regards to texture acceptance.
If you look back, especially if you are a seasoned natural you might agree that even though 4 to 5 years ago we did make the decision to return to our natural hair there was still an obsession with “curls poppin” and definition. It was as if we traded one obsession (straight hair) for another, and it could and did get pretty stressful.
I literally had a closet filled with gels and I remember washing my hair daily just so I can keep the curl pattern I would get when my hair was wet. Flash forward to today, like Ambrosia I couldn’t care less what is poppin from what isn’t poppin, if my hair has no definition but feels moisturized, I am good.
I am not alone with this notion, most naturals have changed since 08, there is a general level of acceptance of our texture differences that has lead to some serious regimen and hair Journey success for many women.
So if you are new to this thing, I want to make the point that if you want to have a successful natural hair journey you have to love your hair for what it is.
We often get questions like, how can I make the coarse hair in the back of my head act like the hair in the front? Girl!? Number one coarse hair is not what you think it is, coarse hair refers to the width of the strand and not how your hair feels, and second of all you cannot ‘make’ one area of your head act like the other area of your head.
Believe me when I tell you that when we get a question like that we know exactly where it coming from, and usually is has nothing to do with your hair itself but rather your perception of your hair and attitude towards it.
If you decide to just accept the texture or textures you have on your head then your focus becomes less on styling your hair into submission, but giving your hair what it needs generally.
Things like, protein, moisture, cleansing, less buildup, and protection when needed. Once you figure out what preserves your hair, texture becomes less relevant and if length is your goal, you will start to retain length. If health is your goal you will see that as well.
Everything takes time though, like many of us who have seen the error of our ways, it all took a little time for us to truly decide to accept and love our hair as is.
So if you are dealing with texture disappointment give your self the time to deal with the mindset and also to learn how to care for your hair. Do whatever it takes to get to the good part, your journey will become more fun, and your natural hair life will be so much easier, you will essentially feel free to just enjoy your hair.
Are you still struggling with accepting your hair texture? Comment below and let us know how you deal!
Ive never relaxed my hair but i used stay with my hair straightened because i didn’t know what to put in it without it looking like a birds nest now i do know and rarely straightened my hair. I appreciate pages like this
It is easier to accept when u know what to do with it. When I decided to go back natural again I had finally got a smartphone and watched a ton of YouTube videos while I transitioned so by the time I big chopped I wasn’t completely lost on how to take care of my hair
That’s exactly what I did! It helps tremendously.
Yesss
I just had a convo about this topic with a friend last night. Yesterday I celebrated my 4th yr natural. There was a time my hair HAD to be defined. It took some time but I came to a place of acceptance and love of my hair..
My advice is to not be too religious about the whole thing. Allow for flexibility and break the ‘rules’ if that’s what it takes. While I’ve accepted my hair, I also acknowledge that it can be high maintenance and sometimes a challenge to style. During those periods, I just roll out the flat iron to stretch the hair and take a break from the insanity.
Great Article! I realized after reading the article I still struggle with accepting my texture, especially when I decide to wear it out – one side will have a beautiful defined twist and the other side will say, “nah…”)….I tend to want to add some get to that side and make it “behave.” I find – I can better accept the more I keep it in protecitive styles. After this artticle, I realize I’m still a work in progress.
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I love this blog! So glad I came across it. I have gone natural 2x. Most recent big chop was 2012. I’ve never struggled with this issue, but this time around, I’m learning that I actually do have a curl pattern as a 4b/4c natural and that doing twistouts, two strand twists, coils, etc was deterring my hair away from it natural curl! Although I love the versatility of my 4 type hair, I finally learned that if I completed a regimen & added enough moisture, & sealed my curls, I can form my own natural curl pattern. It’s definitely better the second time around because I am mature enough in my journey to focus less on trending edgy & colorful hairstyles and more on hair care and growth.