The title of this post is odd, I know, but it was one of the things Shanti said in the below video that stood out the most to me. How many of you with long curly, kinky*, gorgeous, flowing, effortless hair, use it as security blanket?
Is it fair to say that our crown and glory can be a source of false cockiness? My answer is yes, and of course this is an opinion post so feel free to disagree. Here is what I thought about.
There are days when my hair drives me so crazy, I just want to grab my husband and his clippers, no guards and tell him have at it. Then I think, ‘uuuh what in the world will you look like?” “short hair only looks great on certain faces and you don’t have that face”.
The insecurities run wild and then after a while I am back to center, all is well in the universe and I just dismiss the idea of cutting it off out of my mind completely until my next melt down.
Shanti’s video is really a styling video but we loved how honest she was about how her short hair made her feel, and many of us who are thinking about big chopping go through all kinds of emotions prior to actually doing it, some to the point of chickening out.
On the flip side though, we meet women all the time with the with the cutest cuts in the world and we get all kinds of ‘Beyonce jealous’ because it looks so amazing, not to mention appearing as if styling is easy as pie.
If you have always had long hair then it can be challenging to let it go especially if it has been a part of who you think you are for a very long time. Its one of those things where you just have to do it and see how you come out on the other side.
Get inspired by other women, but mostly get inspired by you and what you will be at the end of it all, in other words get out of your own way! Maybe I should take my own advice *smile*
Watch Shanti as she dishes about her short hair and how she styles it now that it is super short.
Theresa Bradford says
I agree to a point
Charis Glaze Goodman says
And when I did, I found out that I like the versatility of long hair bc I’m creative. And that I had a nice head shape which is good to know.
Artra Veal says
No. Your hair is your glory short or long. Love it, embrace it, take care of it.
Charlene Jeffers says
This article doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve had long hair all my life, not going to cut it off to find myself. I know who I am. Sounds like a tinge of jealousy here, perhaps I’m wrong.
Felicia Hamilton says
Are you scared to cut it off?
Cb Sampson says
I think. The article is about not making long hair so important if you don’t have it you buy it or if you have it is it so important you can’t cut it because it is so important
i have cut my hair about for or five time and i felt free every time i found strength because i didnt care what people thought about my textured hair even if they looked out me funny and had there on opinions my advice to u is walk proud cause what u think matter not anyone else and if u walk out and feel u look good nobody can take it from u. A thousand people could say something negative but if u feel u got it going on then there just in the wind and i think u hair and ur whole look is beautiful because its u
Francesca Jennings says
Fonda Edmonds Nesbitt says
My hair has always been short ,so I wouldn’t know how long hair makes you feel and I have never worn a long wig or weave ……..but I am not my hair….we are all beautiful long or short….
Ni-Ni Henderson says
No. An option or preference…
LaShawn Gillard says
I agree!!! I know I felt some kind of way about my big chop. Took so getting used to. Was hard to embrace although I eventually did. Then once my hair grew big and flowing I got frustrated but was too attached to make a change. I recently chopped it all off (after 5 years of growth) and can now enjoy a short effortless natural do.
Ileah Collins says
to a point I agree that many women use hair as a security blanket and are afraid of what it looks like. I bc’d early (4 months) and it was a major confidence booster. You don’t need to have short hair to discover that, it’s actually self-acceptance that can be the issue and for some this is one demon.
Angie Jackson says
I don’t think it’s a security blanket because some women really like long hair but I must say, I love my tapered TWA & every time I try to let it grow I cut it back off. Different strokes for different folks
Cherie McPherson says
Heck no! I’ve chopped my hair off before. Short hair isn’t for me.
Gmomma Carla Godfrey says
what is that gonna solve i was taught long hair gets you no where brains do.
Evette Howard says
Annalisa Thompson says
I agree with all
Hair doesn’t and shouldn’t define you
Kai McIver says
I dont see why people have to make everything some kind of emotional issue. Some people like long hair and some people don’t. Some people have had long hair for a long time and don’t want to change cause they like it. Some people absolutely love their hair short for different reasons. I know who I am and I don’t need to cut my hair bald to figure that out. You can be FREE with either style.
Tiffany Davis says
Redy Mix says
Kelly Hall says
I think this site focuses too much on hair length to the point of obsession. I mean the tag after almost every photo is “how to grow your hair longer”. Change the focus to how to make your hair healthy!
I don’t think the article is telling you that you need to cut your hair off to find out who you are, it’s just exploring how cutting your hair off leaves you exposed. I can relate. I’ve worn a relaxed pixie cut for the last year or so but a little over a month ago I shaved it off. Now I have about half an inch of hair and I’ve never felt so naked, so bare, and so exposed! Having no hair to hide behind has forced me to really explore who I am, how I relate to others, and how I present myself to the world. It may not work for someone else but for me it really does work and I love it! Great article!
I agree fully with Latoya – cutting your hair/ transitioning from perm to natural/ starting from scratch with a big chop. Can be a very emotionally traumatic experience – the experience is unique to the person who is going through it. I personally have been through some changes w/my hair. I have to admit that I got caught up visually when I would see natural hair on other women over the years and fell it love with it, and it propelled me to want to be natural too. I found myself enamored with a natural hair image in my mind for myself – not factoring in my intrinsic texture, and the time it would take to realize healthy hair growth. It takes a lot of work & It requires unfaltering patience and I don’t know about your hair, but my hair was just not willing to cooperate with that image I had it my head. I had long relaxed hair ever since I was a teenager, I always received compliments from family, friends and collegues about my hair; whether it was a new style or new cut – it grew out so fast. After I made the decison to go natural – I was afraid to do the “big chop”, so I didn’t relax my hair for months – I had lots of breakage and over time, I saw my hair falling out it clumps (this was painful for me to see) and I was forced to close my eyes and cut it all off. I didn’t have a plan to maintain it. Earning a master’s degree was so much easier than this. The experience made me dysthymic (mild, but long term form of depression) especially when I would see the “omg”/ “what the hell” reactions on the faces of the same people who once glorified me with compliments when I wore my hair straight. And all of the comments after- wow! … many of which came from my own people and they were NOT nice. Yes, I was forced to come to terms with who I thought I was retrospectively – and constantly defend the decision I made to wear my natural hair – this is exhausting. I was one of those chicks who saw my hair as my crown & glory. My hair was a big part of who I was – I made it that way. I mourned the fact that it was no longer the way I remembered it. I had to come to terms with this death by separation. I had to learn all over again to become comfortable with how I looked “now” with short natural hair and feel confident when I walk into a room and be ok with scrutinizing eyes doing double takes on my new look. This journey has helped me to know for certain that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well” – I receive this and I am still coming into my own today with my new look – it is a process and day by day, I’m happily learning to embrace it & honor it every step of the way:-)
Another silly conversation . I’m a grown a** woman & know who I am, with or without hair & believe you should wear your hair any way you want to ;It’s a personal preference & you don’t have to justify it to ANYONE .Long hair or short hair YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON but you’ll be a HAPPIER PERSON if you just do your own thing & leave the people pleasing silly hair arguments AONE !!
If you do not know who you are, I doubt a hair cut will help you figure it out. Maybe a psychologist can help you figure out who you are? LOL
Cut off yours I will try to keep the little i have
Belleza Negra says
Alisha Waxter says
Why it can’t be a preference. How you gone find out who you truly are through short hair. If I had long hair and didn’t wear ponytails because my ears was to big what would I get out of showing my ears anyway. You suppose to question choices that you have to live with over a certain length of time that doesn’t make it an insecurity.
Lynn Lydia Ferguson says
Jamila Kelly says
because apparently cutting all your hair off makes you have balls and braver and less insecure then if you just. .. like long hair? Why can’t women just like long hair? our short hair? Why must it be questioned and turned into an insecurity thing?
Angel Park says
I think it maybe. If it wasn’t ppl wouldn’t go to such great lengths to get it. Black women will do just about anything for long hair… Coochie cream. Standing on their heads…spending hundreds on weave a year. And putting billions in the hair care industry.
Most ppl think women are more attractive with long hair. it takes a brave woman to go against society.
Long hair is a big deal for us.
Hunny Mitchelle says
Hey guys please help!! I relaxed and weaved my hair on the same day; I know that was wrong but what do i do now? should I wait a month(or 2) undo it then treat it or undo it immediately?
Anna Ogonji Smith says
True. I felt naked when I cut my hair off. I got used to it quickly because weaves and wigs make me itch. You find out your insecurities when you don’t have hair to make a statement for you, cover your ears or big forehead, or to take attention off your face. You truly have to learn to like yourself over if you WERE using it as a security blanket and didn’t know it.
Kera Surles says
Mine was but I let it go. I just needed something new and I’m glad I did it!
Markie Anderson says
I believe so… I cut my hair off… stepped all the way out my comfort zone and I love me more…. it was a confidence booster for me
Cb Sampson says
TRUE PEOPLE HAVE TO EXCEPT YOU FOR YOURSELF MEN FIND IT HARD I FIND IT TAKES THEM A MINUTE TO ADJUST BUT THEY COME AROUND THE REAL MEN
Melanie Fenderson Fisher says
LOL. A lot of us with long hair have had short hair. Mine is long now but I have cut it off more than once. I’m not sure what the big deal is. It grows back. Actually I love the look of twas including this lady’s hair. Fierce. Sassy. I have high cheek bones so short or long looks good on me. .
Aliyah Morrison says
I had shoulder hair that looked healthy and shiny my whole life then last year I had my mom cut it all off when I took out my braids it was alot and I was very sad and happy to see my hair in the sink . Now a year later my hair is Bob length and might be shoulder length again by next year . I not only discovered my hair in discovering my self my soul who I am as a person . Thank God for cutting my hair and going natural .