If you have been natural or transitioning for any length of time, the temptation to relax your hair will probably have presented itself. First of all, don’t be alarmed, it happens to most of us at some point in our natural hair journey particularly if you had been relaxed for quite a number of years beforehand. Old habits die hard.
It’s like you have grown up being told that the world is flat and suddenly you are told that world is in fact round. By going natural you will have had to adjust your entire outlook on life and how you view yourself and even after accepting this, some of your old belief systems will kick in especially in times of stress.
You are not ‘betraying the sisterhood’ by your thoughts but don’t act on a whim, before you give in to relaxer temptation take a step back and do the following:
Remember your reasons for going natural or transitioning in the first place
You may have been frustrated with your constantly breaking hair when you were relaxed or you aspired to live a more natural life free of chemicals. Whatever your reasons were for choosing natural hair, chances are those reasons are still valid now so by backtracking, you will be undoing all your good work so far, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Take a step back from your hair
Frustration can lead to rash decisions so take a step back from dealing with your hair until your head is in the right place. Slap on a wig*, weave, braids or whatever you need to do so you don’t have to deal with your hair for a few weeks. Chances are once the stress subsides, you will remember how much you actually love your natural hair!
Re-learn natural hair care
Most people who have gone back to relaxing after having been natural or transitioned for a while will tell you exactly why they decided to give up on their natural journey and it usually involves frustration with texture, styling or a combination of the two.
If this is you, re-learn the art of black hair care. If you have a favorite blogger or vlogger, immerse yourself into their hair care tips and advice and soon the darkness will lift. You can do this!
Pretend relaxers had never been invented
My daughter is growing up in a world of 24 hour entertainment so she will probably never understand the pleasure that her mum got as a child from early Saturday morning cartoons (remember He-man?). As difficult as it is to fathom, there was a time before relaxers and people then just dealt with their hair as it grew. The idea of natural hair didn’t even exist, they just called it hair. So suck it up and get on with it.
Write a pros and cons list
Ah, the list is an old psychology standby but it’s very effective. By now you probably know the amount of work and effort it takes to grow black hair long weather relaxed or natural, I’m sure you’ve watched more than a few relaxed Youtubers so you are familiar with what a good relaxed regimen looks like.
Do you honestly think that it will be any easier to look after relaxed hair? Are you willing to take hours of trial and error to learn the skill of roller setting your hair straight? Relaxed hair may be marginally easier to comb through than natural hair but combing is not the only part of a regimen. In fact all things considered, in regards to the ease of a natural or a relaxed hair regimen, it’s a wash.
If you temptation to relax does not stem from a place of stress and you are genuinely making a well thought out decision wear your hair in a different texture for styling reasons, then by all means go ahead and relax your hair and enjoy your new journey!
Perfect article today! Terrible hair day!
Interesting!
And boy does it strike hard
I just wear weaves, like micro braids, box braids or a sew in If I’m feeling likei want a relaxer lol
Wow wish this was posted a few days ago, I got a hold of the creamy crack, but no complaints!
I remember that your not supposed to use them while pregnant and that is why God made the Chi that works for me….
Whats The Chi?
When I’m tempted to relax my hair, i just flat iron it.
Wish I had read this in 2012. Then 4 years of natural hair wouldn’t have gone down the drain
^^^a really good flat iron. Sedu is better because you can control the heat
They have the dual brilliance to where you can control the heat…. but to me chis are everything…. but to each is own….
When my friend felt the urge, I told her to go get a high quality straight/wavy wig. Anytime you feel that urge, slap the wig on, and you got the straight look w/o the chem.
I’m so tempted but I’m not giving in 1 yr strong!
I got frustrated several months ago tryn to let my perm grow out and gv in to relaxing my new growth:(
Regret it:( especially after my daughter threatened me not to do it:/ and I still hvnt told her I did it…but, I plan on holding out this time.
Ladies DO NOT DO IT !
Really. Its so damaging and not worth the time and effort putting into taking care of your hair.
When you crave a relaxer…then go get a relaxer. Its not a crime lol
I feel this way right now. Ugh but im hanging in there.
Sometimes we make decisions based on being frustrated at the time. Keep in mine your frustration won’t last. I know, I have had plenty days. Its just like food, if you are trying to lose weight the craving is momentary. If you are natural that’s incredible in it self. Everyone can’t do it. Granted you are one of the one’s stay strong and ask God to help you. Even if you have to wig it, hat it, braid it. Don’t give in to someone telling you to get a relaxer when they certainly aren’t walking in your shoes. Be Blessed Natural Ladies :- )
I’ve been temped cause I would like to see length, I’ve been natural for over a year now, but I’m scared of what might happen afterwards, since I’ve been natural for over a year now.
Hot comb your kinks stright. ..wrap it before bed.
Iam trying so hard not to relax and I have a festival in 2 weeks and so tempted right now
Wash and condition your hair and twist it up
When I get that urge I put in a protective style right away!! I will throw 2 goddess braids in my hair real quick and lay my edges!
I never get that urge
I just remind myself of how it always burned and how my scalp constantly itched no matter what I did.
Woman up!!!! No going Back!!!
Get braids
I’m 6 months in and I keep a sew in so I don’t get the urge. I got tired of my edges thinning every time I got a touchup. Never going back.
Wear it in a bun,its hard sometimes.
When you get the urge to relax… Go get a relaxer ! It’s just hair so you can wear it however you want ! Nobody’s obligated to staying natural forever.
Bad advice
That is your opinion and you are entitled to that … Now what?
Pray
Pray for what ?
I agree and that is what I’m going to do as soon as, my maternity leave is over.
Make sure that you have a good regimen and quality products picked out ahead of time. Relaxed hair can easily grow long and strong when it’s taken care of.
I do my routine for my relaxed hair is fairly low maintenance and my secret weapon is a hooded dryer. I’m going to go to my stylist atleast once a month to cut my ends and etc.
I need to take notes from you Jenny JackJack your hair is beautiful! How did you get that length?
I’ll send you my regimen in your inbox. Plus I’m going to send you the link to our group on fb. There are tons of healthy relaxed heads in it to learn from. We all have similar regimens and the product recommendations are great ! Hold on!
Thank you!
youre welcome, check your other folder in the inbox.
And yeah what does she need to pray for
Yes its just hair I was natural for almost a year. But I want something easy for a while so relaxed it last week. I will go back when I feel the time is right. I have 3 natural girls to take care of. I am not my hair.
Me too. I just texlaxed my hair last weekend. It came out a bit straighter then I wanted, but really, it’s just hair. No big deal to cut it short and start again.
Lol these comments though, I’m natural I will never go back for personal reason but never have I discouraged another person about their hair. There is no point, first its not my business, two most people keep their hair in protective styles anyway.( braids or quick weaves, etc) I think what gets naturals is they strictly don’t use any heat or chemicals in their head. I live by that rule again for personal reasons but I don’t care what you call yourself natural or relaxed neither of those terms are a permanent way of life unless you make it
I am soooooooo thinking about allowing my 15 year old to get relaxed because her hair is very thick although I press and style it she Does Not enjoy the the natural world.
What part of relaxers have been linked to Breast cancer don’t ppl get
Marsee Hunter You need to research the one study that was done because a lot of variations of the study were not done. Also do your own research before misinforming others please. The study was only done on a very small group I’m not going to go into detail but it wasn’t enough evidence to say perms lead to cervical cancer not breast cancer lmao. #Youtriedit
Gave in. I had no clue what I was doing when I first cut my hair and college interfered with me even trying to figure out my hair. Not that i didn’t try or don’t love myself, I’m just inept when it comes to my hair. Plus, the struggle of figuring out my hair paralleled my college years and the struggle. Yet, it’s not for everyone.
Baby.. You aint got to explain that to NOBODY! Thats your business!!
I’m in my feelings right now. And honestly, I have heard of women with perms and weaves being asked why they’re not natural, as if they have to be. Just explaining my own feelings.
It is your hair and you should do as you see fit. I love that the natural hair thing has allowed women to consider their natural hair texture as an option and not forbidden, but I really wish there was a movement that would encourage people to stop policing Black women about their hair. I think it’s possible to acknowledge and understand the history and implications regarding Black women’s hair and the various styles and still make a choice on how you choose to wear your own hair. And I say all this, as someone who is natural (as in no perms…I love hair dye, though 😉
It won’t be striking me.
Lol!
Natural is not for every woman.
This statement drives me up the wall. It’s like saying “the way God set you up doesn’t work for you but these chemicals will”
I don’t care if it drives you up the wall in through the chimney.Everybody can’t wear a natural.Please leave God out of this one.God is working for me just fine.Am using the opinions and choices that he gave us.
And God dont work for u sweet heart. U work for him.
God is love! Straight hair or natural hair! Fake nails or real nails, colored hair or natural hair color….
God wanted me to make my own choices as well.And to respect other’s.Now stop being natural hair militants please.
I didn’t want to go there.But there now we have it.
It’s the truth lol. Talking about God wants you with textured hair in his image …. Ok I guess God wore weave too lol.
Lol!!!
Women should be able to wear they hair however they see fit.Without being judged or bullied on by the next sista.Truth is I if you don’t take care of you’re hair it’s falling out anyway.I have seen naturals that was unhealthy and breaking off.But also I have seen naturals that was healthy.The same goes for relaxed hair.So bottom line just take care of you’re hair.
It’s not I know from experience lol
Hair bullies are so annoying! I look natural, but I’ve had a relaxer for 22 years. My hair is not relaxed straight and has tons of texture in it. It’s super long and thick because I take care of it. Easy to maintain too.
Right..That’s the key taking care of you’re hair.Jenny you’re hair is beautiful and looks very healthy.
Exactly!
Omgggg I have that urge now!! Protective Styles are expensive when you do know how to do it yourself. Usually my mother will throw in a perm & I’ll be able to straighten it & put it in a style but having natural hair is really a process
They r cheap. U just be buying the good stuff. Get u that 7 dollar as i am co wash and buy u some 4 dollar tresemme naturals conditioner and some 3 dollar eco styler gel. 11 dollars total for 3 products can’t beat that.
Thanks
I don’t experience that anymore! I luv my curls!
KAPOW!
good question
I have been natural now for two years and im considering a perm. I can never get my bantu knots right or my flat twist and it takes to long of my time when i had a perm my bantus where perfect and less maintenance for me i havent found my natural side yet i guess!!
Me too. I’ve been natural for the same amount of time and it’s been so hard to style, so I usually end up just putting a wig on. I’m allergic to synthetic hair (even after the vinegar wash), so braids aren’t a good idea for me. I’m done. I’m getting a texturizer on Monday.
Mine stop looking right as it got longer so I switch too flat twist, but I also keep my hair either twisted or braided.
I’m getting a perm! Natural hair requires more maintenance then my permed hair did. Natural hair maintenance isn’t for me period.
That’s me lately! I want to slap a relaxer on so bad!! Lol
I’m going through this right now I’m tempted to get one
Sometimes the urge strikes because of shrinkage. When I feel like that I either color it or rotate hair products because my hair gets used to it and may need a change.
when I get the urge 7 months in. ..I work really hard at my job so I can have some extra money to do it XD
only reason I was not getting it done is because I’m broke :/ and honestly it’s doing more harm than good !. I don’t have the time or patience needed to learn to do the complete opposite of what I’ve been doing for almost twenty years. I say, do what you want. it’s hair and if going natural is a life goal I honestly think you should reevaluate your life goals a little xx;
That’s me right now
I think about it sometime, but I get over it quickly. I look at my gorgeous curls and waves and I move on!
I don’t get that itch… But I’d say a protective style and some healthy hair smoothie and thirsty hair oil… Get it below
http://etsy.me/1uOi9Bb
Relax your hair, there is no need to stress.
Love my hair natural. Easy to maintain. Simply plait it before going to bed. Unpick it in the morning. Straight up bun, or tied back in a pony tail, or part down the middle or side, and 2 cornrows and am good to go..
Cut my hair short and this puffy cottony hair is irking me. Been relaxer free 15 years but I can’t do this kinky hair especially short. I want a texturizer
Not everyone burns and loses their edges and experiences slow growth. I sure didnt.
Going on 3 years now and I must say it hasn’t been the easiest journey. It takes ALOT of patience. I think alot of us have a hard time with our natural hair because we’ve had relaxed hair the majority of our lives.
I transitioned for 1 yr and every day I was tempted to get a relaxed. After I cut off my ends I dyed my hair to prevent me from getting a relaxed. Double processing the hair will make your hair fall out. My transition was time consuming because I had to flat twist my hair every night and the first year of being natural was frustrating and expensive because I struggled to find products that agree with my hair. I did learn that my hair is low porosity and glycerin sensitive.
I learn and researched a lot after my first year because I transitioned also and was very impatient and ended up basically doing a big chop myself so it got a little better after that
Finished from Twa stage n it’s tough but no going back!
Get a blow out and flat iron!!
I’m almost 2yrs in and the only urge I get it to take my protective style or weave out after a week becuase i miss my curls so much
Had the urge again now for two weeks straight but I’m thinking of texlaxing not a relaxer….my last relaxer was Feb / Mar of 2012
Was natural for 19 months has that urge, relaxed 3 months later did another big chop. I won’t get that urge again
I never got that urge. Because I don’t want to deal with scabs, constant shedding, and the scalp problems that disappeared when I went natural 🙂
It is just hair. However may of Black women hv nvr been taught how to care for this “just hair”; are ashamed of this “just hair”. So it gets a little deeper under the surface of things. It was empowering for me to learn I could wear the hair on my head outside and actually feel beautiful. Previously I just assumed I’d hv to wear weave for the rest of my life bc my “just hair” was “bad hair”. Now the hair that I hated I love. I don’t rly care if someone wants to relax their hair. I nvr relaxed my hair even b4 I went natural. I just wore wigs and braids. I do, however, hear many Naturalistas says they went natural bc the relaxer devastated their hair. Anyways I just don’t like when ppl make light of the natural hair movement as if Black women don’t hv issues with regards to this matter. As if we are so far removed from this issue now it’s “just hair”.
Well I’m one of those ppl the natural hair movement doesn’t even exist to me. I mean black women have been rocking fros and etc. Forever.
Rivian Jones. Well of course. But movement indicates it’s gaining in popularity. It’s become mainstream. Ppl fought for civil rights b4 the civil rights “movement”. However the movement made it mainstream. They got TV coverage, articles written, etc. Also when we were rocking Afros we weren’t being taught to care for our hair in the ways the “movement” has showed us. This doesn’t mean no one had this information. Of course some did. But the key word here is some. The masses did not. Except for to relax, to weave, to braid. But to wear it naturally daily who knows how to do that? Besides y would u even want to? R all common attitudes we once had. Until the movement. If you’ve nvr had issues with ur hair, gr8 for you! And I’m rly not being sarcastic. In fact, I wish that was my truth. But it is not and many other hv had/still hv issues. Hence the importance of the movement.
I think women have a difference of opinion about natural hair. It’s your journey and I know some black women feel all strong about it and put meaning behind going natural. I don’t it’s just hair to me. I’m transitioned right now and going back to a perm because I am not my hair and it doesn’t define my blackness.
I have always felt like this out of all the obstacles I dealt with and overcame being a dark skinned Black girl and now woman hair wasn’t ever on the list. I have had way more comments about my skintone and physical appearance growing up. I tried going natural because I thought it would be fun to see what my hair looks like in all it’s curly wavy glory lol. I never saw it as a movement and I’m not saying it to discredit someone else’s view of why they are natural. I’m just saying for a lot of us it ain’t that deep. So when natural women start preaching about how important me not going back to a perm is I be like wow it’s not that deep it’s just hair. I have more important battles to pray about and fight everyday.
Rivian Jones. I don’t personally agree with anyone faulting another for wearing or wanting a perm. My hope is only that the reason they want the perm is not self-deprecating, i.e. they don’t think their hair is good enough. If it’s for ease of maintenance or simple preference who rly cares. In fact, if natural women look down on relaxed or weaved women it just further serves to hold us down. However I don’t think u should discredit someone’s experience being natural just bc its “not that serious for you”. For example, I’ve nvr had any issues with my skin tone; not a one. But I’d nvr tell my dark-skinned sister, literally I hv a very dark sister, that it ain’t that serious if their was a beauty movement that promoted very dark skin as beautiful. I wouldn’t be like “all skin color is beautiful so y are they so focused on the darks”. Bc I know that struggle and the purpose of that beauty movement wouldn’t b to say other skin tones aren’t beautiful, but to help the self-esteem of many girls who have been devastated by colorism and Eurocentric standards of beauty. I don’t think most natural women think u hv to wear ur hair natural or else. Who are these women that ppl feel the need to discredit this movement bc of? I don’t know a single one. Anyways I enjoyed this conversation with you. I feel like I know you a bit now. I’m glad you’ve overcome ur black struggle. Hv a good day 😉
Oh u were n the Army. I was Air Force. I’m civilian now tho
Been there I kno u get tired if doing urself..
I Never get that urge , just think about all them burns and your hair thinning, out.
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What part of relaxers have been linked to Breast cancer don’t ppl get
it never strikes me
Get a blowout or I usually will load up on some good conditioners style and rinse wrap it up go to to bed
Put your hair in box plaits