Well, hello there, Gorgeous.You are looking mighty fine today.The sight of you makes my knees go weak. I can’t keep my hands off of you…but I should.
Wait, Wait! This isn’t the start of some steamy romance novel. It’s not even the things that I say to my own husband. These are the things that I say to… MY HAIR. Yes, I know you’re thinking that I’m nuts, but it’s true. I talk to my hair. I pet her, I have named her. (It’s Claudette, btw). I tell her that she’s beautiful, she’s strong, and she’s fly. I also tell her that I love her. And I mean it.
I do this on a regular basis, not because I’m starved for compliments. I get those often enough. But I try to reinforce my love for my hair because it seems that each time, every time I feel really good about my hair, or on a day when she’s the last thing on my mind, it seems like her worst enemy pops up. You know who I’m talking about: The Haters.
We have all encountered one of these people. The ones that feel the need to tell you that they liked your hair better straight. The close friend or family member that thinks they are helping when they suggest products that will make your hair look “less nappy and beady”. Or that (jealous) coworker that gives you the backhanded compliment, saying things like, “I wish I could just roll out of bed and come straight to work, without combing my hair.”
*Sigh.*
Just like that, all of the compliments that were previously received go out the window and all you hear for the rest of the day are The Haters. For a brief moment, you may begin to doubt your Natural journey. Perhaps you question your styling and maintenance abilities. Then again, if you’re like me, reaching “Natural O.G. Status”, you’re thinking (but please do not say): “OH, NO YOU DID NOT JUST COME TO ME WITH THAT FOOLISHNESS!!!” , and proceed to give the offender the stink eye for the rest of the day.
Well, beautiful one, Stop. Breathe. You are a smart, breathtaking human being. Look at that glorious crown of hair on your head. Its all yours; it is unique to you. It doesn’t define you, but it does add a little something, right? Think of how soft it is,and how it feels in your hands when you are taking care of it. Savor the feeling you get when you take a glimpse at it in the mirror and think to yourself, “This is MINE. All of it.” Think about, and then rethink, about the reasons you went natural in the first place. Was the reason “To impress other people” on your list? Now that we’ve rebalanced ourselves, lets take a look at the real problem: The Haters.
Please realize that if someone says something negative about your hair, the problem lies solely within them. The fly way that you rock your hair in all of its natural glory has obviously stirred up some hair envy. When The Haters see you look so confident, so beautiful, and yet it seems so effortless, they get pressed and they have to bring you down. They have to. It’s the only way that they can bring their own worlds back together. You know, the world you rocked when you walked into the room.
Understand that you can only control your own reactions; could it be that the rude comments were made only to get a rise out of you? Don’t give them the satisfaction. Obviously, if someone cares enough to give you unsolicited, negative advice, what kind of lives do they have? One should not be upset with them. On the contrary, it seems quite sad.
Think of yourself as being in a relationship with your hair. If you were in a relationship with a person, and you knew that person better than anyone, would you let someone turn you against that person so easily, with 1 or 2 snide remarks? Of course you wouldn’t. You know the real person, so you wouldn’t let some random person ruin your affection for that person, right? The same principle applies to your hair. You know your hair and your reasons better than anyone else on earth.
Remember who you went natural for. Remember who you wear your hair for. Remember that if you weren’t looking great, The Haters would have nothing to hate on. Know that you can not, nay, you will not please everyone, so please yourself. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement, even if it is just from yourself. The hair growing out of your head, beautiful one, was made just for you. Cherish it as a gift.
How do you dismiss The Haters and get your Hair Groove Back? And, if you could, what would you like to say to The Haters?
So true. I have this coworker that keeps trying to get me to use her straightener so I can have straight hair. Every time I jusy politely decline….
Great article. Very nice positive comments to combat the negative words that can stay lodged in your mind. It is so true that many of us with tightly curled, afro hair have strong emotional feelings about hair especially other peoples hair (I would laugh if it wasn’t so annoying!). I went natural because chemotherapy caused me to lose hair on the crown and at the temples but since I learned about moisturising adn sealing I now have long hair around the back and sides of my head which can cover over the bald patches fortunately. I have also discovered various curl patterns (tiny spirals at the back and zigzag and box shaped at the front!!) It is quite amazing to see and I just wish I had the knowledge I have now much earlier I probably could have saved some of my hair loss but it really took courage for me the first time I stepped out with my natural hair and was glad for the compliments I got. I know I would have been quite crushed if someone said something negative. So thank you for giving us ways to fight any negativity with positive thinking.