Reader Question:
Hi, I am 18 and ran across this website in an endless search to grow my hair naturally long. I am African American and i have THICK hair. The roots are unmanageable. I am going into my 2nd year of college and my self esteem is at it’s lowest just because of my hair.
Since the beginning of high school i have noticed my hair is not like other girls. I went to a predominantly caucasian catholic all girls school. The few African American girls that went there as well either had natural long hair and got weaves. To me a weave isn’t for me. I always felt weaves were a way of getting the long hair the easy way out. A lot of girls felt that was the only way to fit in with the Caucasian girls. I would usually get extensions* with box braids or get a relaxer. The relaxer would only have my hair lay down for 2 weeks and then it whoud be back to puffiness and thickness. I got picked on a lot when my hair was not in braids or had a relaxer. I would go home and cry to my mother about it and she would always tell me my hair was beautiful but i never saw it the way she did.
My hair is running my life. It itches constantly. I’ll oil it then 10 minutes later my hair would look like nothing was put on it. It would be dry as a bone. My hair also sheds A LOT. I just want to feel good about myself and not feel that God has cursed me with bad hair because I don’t want to feel this way. I used to often wish i was another race just because of my hair. So can you please give my any advice on what I should do with my hair. I’m at my wits end.
Our Answer:
Thanks for contacting us. I’m sorry to hear about the problems you are having. I cannot in good conscience give you only hair care advice when it’s obvious that your hair is not the main problem here. It would seem to me that your issue is not so much your hair per se but rather how you view yourself and how you interpret beauty. Whatever the texture of your hair, it IS beautiful and you have to grasp this concept before you can really build on it and learn to grow your hair long. Otherwise even when you do manage to get your hair to a length you are comfortable with, you will find somethine else to fixate on like your hair’s texture or it’s fragile nature compared to other races.
You have not been cursed with bad hair, when you say that you are simply comparing black hair care to caucasian hair care which is like comparing chalk and cheese, they are just different. You need to start appreciating your hair as it is and when you walk out of your house without a relaxer or braids and exude confidence, you will be beautiful because you FEEL beautiful.
There is a wonderful video on youtube on the beauty of natural hair which I would advise you to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89RpVdlNMTQ
On the problem of dry hair, you have to remember that the best moisturizer is water and if you are putting oil in your hair in the hope of moisturzing it, you will get nowhere fast. Oil seals in moisture after hair has been washed or moisturized with a water based moisturizer. Another thing is that if your scalp is itchy, more than likely your pores are clogged and your hair and scalp are crying out for a good wash. Please see the article on a good regimen for relaxed hair to give you a starting point on how to look after it successfully.
Good luck with your healthy hair journey.
I too am sorry to hear of how you are feeling, but truthfully I understand. As black women we have been conditioned to despise the beauty of what our hair truly is. It is magnificent in,that on earth you will not find any other race of women with hair such as ours! Don't you think that distinction is noteworthy?? A lot of the way black women, in America, have felt about our hair has stemmed from slavery. From my natural hair growth journey I have learned that hair growth for me, as I too have very thick hair, does not and will not JUST HAPPEN.
cont…..It takes meticulous care and time, that our European sisters do not have to take. It takes hours in front of the mirror, washings every week, moisturizing, oiling, twisting, braiding, researching….it takes time, time, and more time! But if you truly want it, the time you take will be a complete pleasure as you start to reap the benefits. Believe it or not because our hair is more fragile than other types we have to take special care of it, and use practice other races do not. Now how could our ancestors take any time with their hair when they were to busy being slaves and making others' lives easier. Therefore their hair was neglected, their children's hair was neglected, so on and so forth down through the generations. But Babygirl I'm here to tell you that today is a NEW DAY! and the beauty of our HAIR, which GOD gave us, through JESUS CHRIST is now being revealed and noone can stop it! There is no black hair type that will not grow….RESEARCH, RESEARCH, and RESEARCH some more.
cont….There is so much information about black hair care now in these times. I'm thirty-five and I wish I had the information that is available at your age. Girl, by twenty-five you can have long, beautiful, and healthy hair. But I'm gonna tell you a secret…contrary to what others say, hair is very alive (spiritually speaking). It sits right on your head, above the brain of your thoughts, and it knows if you love it or not, it knows what you think about it. Have you ever seen a woman in love? how she shines, and glows from the love of the man that is giving it to her? The same is true of your hair. Love it enough to accept it just for what it is!
cont….Begin with moisturizing treatments every week. Get a good conditioner (I use Suave Humectant-humectants draw moisture from the atmosphere), olive oil, 1 egg, honey, vitamin E oil (usually for the skin), mix it together, get a plastic cap, and leave it on for thirty minutes or whatever you feel is good (you have to listen to your own hair). Wash thoroughly, as you love your hair. Water is the best moisturizer…it's the products we use that dry our hair out. I don't know the style you wear, but you have to oil your hair after moisturizing it to lock in the all that good moisture your hair just received. Twist it up, braid it up, something that will help protective. Go to Walmart and get a silk cap, the one with the band that goes around your forehead….protect your hair at all cost.
cont…. When you comb through be gentle, don't treat it roughly, use a wide tooth comb, and LOVE IT for what it is, and you will begin to see it grow to lengths you never thought possible, but you have to wash and moisturize every week. Check out You tube there are so many girls your age that know how to take care of their hair, I admire them and I'm not too old to listen to them. Google about our hair, what it needs, and wants. I pray the best for you In JESUS Name Amen!
NaturalHairLover. Wonderful advice. I absolutely agree with you. Thanks for sharing.
I agree with a poster's comments, I HATE MY BLACK HAIR. Yes, it takes TIME, TIME, TIME and EFFORT EFFORT EFFORT. I just wanna be able to get up and GO. Just like ALL OTHER WOMEN OF OTHER RACES! No, I do not loathe myself, JUST MY HAIR! Like millions of other sistahs out there, I've tried braids, weaves, going natural (soooo hard!!), but just ended up still YEARS LATER from the age of teen to my now 40s–and STILL I'm fighting to grow my hair and trying to go without relaxer. As a result, I'm worried, I'm frustrated and it's making me nuts!!
Please DO NOT tell me that I shud accept my hair as it. I get up at the crack of dawn to be at work, and I simply DO NOT have the TIME or PATIENCE to manipulate my hair. I'm at my wits end right now trying to figure out WHAT TO DO WITH IT. I'm taking a break from the glued in weave style and/or braids I've worn for years, but seriously– I don't know what to do next. I REFUSE to wear a "natural" or twists, or other styles that are considered "afro-centric". I'm sorry sistahs, but I don't mean to offend ANY of my Black sistahs who choose to do so.
I think therein lies the problem. Natural hair requires patience. Truckloads of it if you are to be successful at growing it long. I am also not a lover of twists or the afro centric look on myself (although I love how it looks on others) so I wear my hair straightened most of the time. I certainly don't have mixed type hair but I accept that my hair is healthiest without chemicals but I am patient because I have to be.
In the meantime, in case anyone's wondering, I'm juggling my phony "ponies" or simply going to work with a stylish hat on (since it's Wintertime right now, I can get away with it). I pray to JESUS that my hair grows with the combination of vitamins and trying to eat healthy. But, forgive me LORD I despise my Afro-American hair and YES– I'm sorry, but I WISH I WAS BORN with "MIXED HAIR" at least!
While I don't hate my hair, I otherwise agree with Von. I work full time and am a full time student, the last thing I have is hours and hours and more freakin hours to spend on the dead protein strands coming out of my head. A few months ago when I was at my wits ends and seriously considering re-perming my hair, I came across the videos by Brittany and began heat training my bsl length natural hair. Its the smartest thing I've ever done. My hair still reverts when its wet, the difference is that while it would normally be considered 4c type hair, now that its heat trained its about 3b/3c – long loose waves with slightly curly ends. This has cut my washing/drying/detangling time down to virtually nothing as I can wash it, add a little moisturizer and let it air dry on my way out the door.
All this talk about us hating our hair because of slavery just simply isn't true (for me at least). My hair doesn't define me and I'm not out to make some statement with it. Spending hours on grooming ANY body part is letting it rule your life, and to me just isn't worth it. While I want to look presentable when I leave my home, I have better, more productive things to do with my time than spend it on my hair.
I agree, heat training was the best thing I ever did for my hair too. It's just a shame that people won't take the time to find viable alternatives to relaxers. sigh
Finding Brittany's vids was like a godsend. Prior to heat training, I had been completely natural for almost 3 years, but because of the amount of work involved in caring for my natural hair, I kept it in a bun 99% of the time and I never got to enjoy the fact that it was touching the middle of my back. Now that its so manageable, I actually enjoy styling it, and playing in it from time to time!
I wish there wasn't so much controversy about heat-training in the black hair community. It seems like you're only options are 2 extremes: relax the heck out of your hair or be natural and swear off any heat what-so-ever. Many ladies tried to tell me how heat training is really just heat damage, and that in a few months I'd be completely bald. But from my experience, before heat training I had to trim tons of single strand knots and tangles every single month. And since heat-training haven't had to trim a thing in nearly 4 months. My ends don't snag, catch or get knotted up at all anymore. They stay smooth and blunt, meaning I'm actually retaining more length than ever.
I wish more ladies would be open minded to other methods such as heat training, when done correctly (don't go burning your hair to a crisp, lol) its an excellent alternative to chemicals. My mom told me that back in the day she and all her friends had their natural hair pressed once a week and looking at old photos, they all had shoulder length or longer tresses. Heat is not the enemy to natural black hair, lol.
Okay, I'm getting off my soap box now 🙂
The point was if you want it, you gotta work for it! plain, simple, and the TRUTH…It just does not happen for most black women, you and I both know that. If you don't have the patience, that's on you. My point was simply that if you want long, healthy hair you have to put time in and not just expect it to happen. But if the time is not put into loving what GOD gave you why be mad about it, hate it, and wish it was something it is not? It's all preference. To each his own!
One more bit of advice; make sure you're DRINKING lots of waters, too. Moisturizing needs to come from within as well. As for women of other races and hair styles, trust me, they're not having an easy time of it either. If I had $100 for every white woman who has said she wishes she could cut her hair to my length (which is a TWA) lol. They get frustrated with long, but thin and flyaway hair but are afraid to cut it because they think their man won't want them anymore. What they dont' realize is that long and stringy hair isn't attractive either and they'd probably do better with a shorter and more manageable style. Plus the gals with curly hair want straight and vice versa. Seems to be human nature to want what we can't have, doesn't it?
Ain't that the truth! Just a case of the gras is greener on the other side huh?
Black hair is the most flexible type of hair that exists in terms of styling options. There’s nothing our hair can’t do given the right products and techniques. Believe it or not…….I’ve had no less than four white males tell me they wish they had black hair. They love how it waves.
I felt like that when I was a little girl I’m glad I know better now. You have to love yourself.
Well God gave us this hair see what I don’t like is people who don’t understand my mother had straight hair no kinks my is kinky it in blood
I feel her Africa hair is horrible growth is painstaking it’s just horrible. I would have also loved to be another race or at least like blacks from America they seem to have nice hair unlike us here in South Africa horrible!!!!!
?… We were given everything we have for a reason! Your eyes, lips, nose & hair LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT yourself including your HAIR! #onlyoneyou!!!!!
Really?!
The best is too cut it short in her case
I think she should have said I want more manageable hair. I personally never wanted white girl hair but then again I love myself and texture wether permed or transitioned. I feel like her mother dropped the ball though I went to a all white private school and my Daddy made sure he instilled self love in me. Although I don’t know what advice to give her my texture is nice but I truly feel for her.